[warning: pretty low quality, low length shitty chapter. Read at your own caution]
Right now I'm just lying down on my bed, thinking about the past one and half year of my life at this school. I've been thinking about all the stuff that happened to me since I came here and all the things that I experienced for the first time.
As I was thinking about how I interacted with other students during the start of the school, a terrifying realization occured to me.
One of the reason why I wanted to escape that place is because of how I was viewed there. In that place, I'm only a tool whose sole purpose is to produce results and provide data for their studies. Both the instructors and that man only viewed me as a tool.
When I was in that place, I've always wondered how it would feel to be viewed just as a normal human being. And precisely because of that reason, to know how it feels like when others treat you as a normal human being instead of a mere tool, I escaped that place. I hoped people in the outside world would treat me as a normal person but.....
I started thinking about the people who subverted my expectations of the outside world.
First, there is Chabashira Sae. She knew about my situation a little bit. In an ideal world sensei should be helping me in leading an ordinary life. After knowing about my situation you would think a teacher will help his student. But instead she went as far as blackmailing me to achieve her own selfish goals.
Sensei knew that I wanted to live a normal highschool life without attracting attention but I doubt sensei even considered thinking about why I wanted a peaceful life. The only thing that she understood from knowing my situation from Principal Sakayanagi is that I'm capable of helping her class reach Class A. She never considered what my wishes are. For Sensei, I'm just a tool who'll help her reach a selfish goal that she failed to achieve. For her, I'm just a means to reach Class A, nothing more than that.
The next person I thought about is, my neighbor, Horikita Suzune. Right now our relationship is different than how it was during our first year. At first Horikita wanted to use me like a pawn to do her biddings in the class. Even though I've told her multiple times that I dislike getting into trouble, she never paid any attention to my words.
But after knowing about my abilities, Horikita wanted me to help her reaching Class A. I've told her that I just want a peaceful life at this school but Horikita just kept dragging me into troublesome situations without considering about my wishes. All of this for what? Just to reach Class A so that she can get acknowledgement of her brother.
Why can't she understand that just like her wish to reach Class A and get recognition from her brother, I too would have my own wishes. Why would she think that her goal of reaching class A is more important than my goal of living a normal life? No. That's not it. Horikita just didn't care about my wishes, she only cared about catching upto her brother.
For Horikita, I'm just a tool who would help her in reaching Class A so that she can get recognised by her brother.
Though Horikita has changed now, I can't help but feel like this way when I think about how she behaved in the starting of our first year.
Then there is my stalker, Matsushita Chiaki. After realising that I hide my abilities just like her, Matsushita just wanted to use me to help her in reaching Class A. Since Matsushita also hides her abilities, she should understand better than anyone else that I have my own reasons to hide my abilities. But again people think their wishes and goals are more important than other people's. And they continue to ignore other people's wishes.
For Matsushita, I'm just a tool who would help her in the class conflicts and in reaching Class A.
Then there are other people like, Sudo, who used to think of me as Horikita invitation tool. Since it's Sudo, it's safe to assume that he never even considered about my wishes. Sudo just wanted to use me to get closer to Horikita.
For Sudo, I'm just a tool who would help him in getting closer to Horikita.
Apart from these people there are many others who just wanted to use me for their own selfish gains.
I've escaped that place hoping that people in the outside world would see me as a normal person. But in the end people saw me as a tool here as well huh. I guess it's just human nature.
Obviously it's not like everyone is same. Not everyone saw me like a tool, there are some people who saw me just like a normal person like the members of the ayanokouji group or Kei.
Even though at first I saw Kei as a tool who would gather information for me and keep our class girls in check and Kei saw me as a tool who would protect her, but now we both genuinely care about each other.
Although they tried to use me, I have to admit that what they did was not wrong. At least in my perspective, that's exactly what you should do if you really want to achieve something. You should be willing to do whatever is necessary to reach your goals.
But if most people's thinking is same as mine then what's the difference between them and me. The only difference I see is, to what lengths I would go to just achieve what I wanted.
I thought myself as a horrible human being because I think about other people just as tools. I was wrong. The truth is, humans themselves are horrible beings.
Anyway there's no use thinking about it now. I just drifted into sleep thinking about the normal things that happened to me after enrolling in this school.
First of all I apologize for a low quality chapter.
I know this doesn't make sense at all. The only reason I thought about writing this chapter is I always pissed at how people want to use kiyo without thinking about his wishes. Especially when it comes to Horikita, she tries to use him even after Kiyo says his wish that he wants a normal life. But I failed to put them into words in a nice way. When I read this chapter, it's just not good at all. But since I completed writing I published it anyway. Also sorry for using the word tool too much.
Thanks for reading!!
Published: 26 June 2021
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