When Nourse walked into the mess tent during lunch, I could tell my afternoon plans were about to change.
"I've been charged with a mission," said Nourse, slapping a letter down on the table.
"How does that affect me?" I asked, scanning the letter. It was written in Marduk's neat, cursive scrawl:
The flower returns. Bring the bird with you.
"Who's the bird?" I asked, handing the letter back.
"You. Finish your food. We leave now."
When Nourse said now, he meant now. Grabbing a roll, I walked out of the tent to find Nourse mounted and holding the reins to a brown gelding. Both horses carried a small bundle of supplies for the journey. Unbeknownst to me, servants had been preparing everything we would need.
As I mounted, I reflected on my code name. The bird. It was not the most flashy name, but there was a certain appeal to being compared to a bird, a creature that could fly anywhere it desired. The real question was what kind of bird Marduk thought I was. Perhaps a hawk, or a falcon. Or maybe an eagle with a giant wingspan and great strength. Whichever bird it was, it definitely had to be a bird of prey.
Yes, Thea, only a bird of prey would kill. The man whose life I took flashed across my eyes. I blinked hard, shaking the image away. I had sworn an oath to serve Marduk and his cause, and part of that oath included fighting those against his ways. My life had purpose now. Why, then, did that day still haunt me? No matter, I would not let that affect my performance on this mission, my first as a full-fledged member.
"What's the rush?" I asked as we trotted through the tunnel toward the entrance. Nourse waited until we had cleared the tunnel and started down the mountain before replying.
"We're looking for a flower that only blooms for a week in the early summer. We call it Dayspring."
"And why do we have to get it?"
"Only two people in the camp know of the flower's location. Me and Marduk. It is a rare and valuable plant, used for medicinal purposes. It's a two day ride to its location." Nourse glanced at my face, reading the question my raised eyebrows held. "You should be honored that Marduk asked you to accompany me. He obviously thinks highly of you and your abilities to share its location with you."
Warmth spread from my stomach to my ears. Marduk had been gone quite a bit since I started training, leaving again only a day after I swore my oath, but he still trusted me enough to send me on this mission. His words from our first dinner together rang in my ears, "You are everything." I still didn't really know what he meant by that, but maybe this mission would reveal something. At the very least, I could start fulfilling my oath.
With the sun shining and a slight breeze blowing to take the edge off the heat, we rode through the mountain range. I tried asking Nourse various questions, but after he only responded with a word or two, I decided he wasn't in the mood for talking, and I found other ways to pass the time.
After about a century had passed, during which time I counted 587 butterflies, 3,247 yellow daisies, and 94 bird shaped clouds, we came to a low-rising mountain covered with fog. I squinted to see the summit through the gray and dying light but could make out nothing. Nourse reined in his horse.
"Strange weather, huh?" I asked, nodding at the mountain.
"The flower lives near the top," said Nourse. "The fog helps it grow. We still have a few more hours of riding left before we stop. I suggest you unpack your cloak to protect against the damp before we begin." Quite the speech from one who was as cold as this weather.
A few hours later found me huddling in my cloak, shivering, wet, and wishing I had never been asked to come on this mission. No wonder only Nourse and Marduk knew about this flower. If anyone else had to come, he'd quit the Keep. How could a flower be worth this misery? On top of that, the sun had set at least half an hour ago, and a murky blackness surrounded us. How the horses didn't trip and fall was beyond me.
I was contemplating what Nourse's reaction would be if I were to stop and insist on a fire (he'd probably roast me alive just for asking) when he said, "We'll stop there for the night." By the weak light of the moon, I could just barely make out a cave. At last, somewhere dry.
With a roaring fire and a belly full of meat and dried fruit, I leaned back in my bed roll, my arms crossed under my head. Above, the cave ceiling sparkled with uncut gems. The fire's flickering light showed stones ranging from red to green to purple to black. They were beautiful.
"Legend says the gems are the tears of the fallen angels," said Nourse, noticing my gaze. "When they learned they were forever banished from the kingdom, they came and wept on this very mountain."
"Angel tears, huh?" I said, imagining the shining gleam running down an angel's cheek. "Do you believe it?" Silence met my answer, and sure he wasn't going to respond, I turned to go to sleep when his voice broke the quiet.
"An angel who left the kingdom knew what the consequences would be. I doubt they even so much as batted an eye, much less fell apart to weep."
"I guess you'd know, as a former guard of Prince Solas." Nourse hmmphed, the sound matter of fact, though unsurprised.
"Yes, but that was another life." His voice held no anger or disappointment. Just fact.
"I know you told me about swearing an oath to Marduk, but what I don't understand is what made you leave the Prince. As a guard, you'd have everything you needed. I don't know much about the Prince's security team, but I do know he treated his guards well and regarded them as friends." A memory of the Prince visiting with one of his guards, the words they spoke after I rejected the Prince. You sure she's the one? Only someone the Prince trusted could speak that way. Even if the Prince had torn apart every other family by taking the men, all the stories always boasted of the guards who were sworn to protect and guard the Prince. He at least had that.
"Yes, well, not everything has a fairy tale ending." Silence settled around us, and I was certain that was all Nourse was going to tell when he sighed. "You might as well get comfortable. It's a long story." I wiggled on my bed roll, turning on my side to be able to see Nourse's face. His voice floated up to the ceiling, taking me back to the city of Ara with its supposed streets of gold and its Prince of virtue.
"Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a guard for the Prince. I'm sure you've heard the stories of the brave, noble, humble, and chivalrous followers who spread the peace and kindness of the Prince to the ends of the world. In many places, they're just stories used to inspire, but in Ara, they were real.
"As a young boy, I would often sneak into the barracks to watch the soldiers train. One of the soldiers noticed and offered to train me. When I wasn't busy doing chores and going to school, I was at the training grounds learning how to hold a sword and bow. The soldier training me turned out to be Sir Peter, one of the Prince's best guards. As he trained me, he also taught me the virtues of being a knight. I learned about joy, kindness, humility, patience, and many other traits a knight of the Prince possessed.
"My favorite virtue was justice, or the idea that right would always prevail. When I saw someone less fortunate being picked on or taken advantage of, I stepped in. That's how Marcus and I became such good friends. For some reason, the other boys liked to pick on him, perhaps because he was smaller and more docile. His unwillingness to fight without a good reason is something I admire about him, actually. But I also wasn't going to allow others to pick on him for that decision.
"When I finally turned sixteen, I entered the ranks of other soldiers-in-training. It was a tough two years filled with tests, training, missions, and endurance. We weren't allowed to leave the training grounds unless we were on a mission. We couldn't even see our families or friends. One of the soldiers-in-training lost his mother in that time, and according to the rules, he was not allowed to attend the funeral. Rather than stay with us, he left to go back home. We had to forsake everything we had ever known in order to serve the Prince, and for some, that was too much."
Sounded like the typical Prince to me, making people choose between him and family. Again, I was flooded with gratitude that Marduk had always made it clear I could leave when I wanted. Worry ran through me about where Mom and Shay were, but Marduk had promised to find them. Maybe, after he found them, he would give me some time off to visit them, or even better, maybe he would bring them back to the Keep.
"The cost was not too high for me, though," Nourse continued. "The Prince stood for everything perfect and right with the world. If he wanted me to stay focused on the task at hand, I would.
"Graduation finally came, and I was first in my class. Two years of hard training had finally paid off. When the instructor came to ask if I wanted to serve the Prince or become a leader in the army, I told him he already knew the answer. I was sworn into the Prince's guard the next day and given the special gold amulet with the Prince's lion symbol emblazoned on it.
"Life as a guard to the Prince was everything I expected and more. True to the stories, the Prince became our friend. He got to know our lives, our wants and desires. He continued to challenge and train us with tasks and teachings. A year flew by.
"One day, Prince Solas came and asked me to go on a mission to a town called Norvik. It was a fairly new addition to the kingdom, and there were reports that the town was full of evil people and evil actions. Rumors of witchcraft, murder, exploitation, and prostitution circulated. The Prince asked me to check these rumors and see if there was any truth to them.
"It took me three days to reach it. When I arrived, the governor welcomed me. I stayed in his personal palace. He served me his finest food and drink and provided lavish entertainment. He accompanied me everywhere I went. I met many families who were well-cared for and had everything they needed. It was all an attempt to cover the rot that rose from the very stones of the city.
"I managed to slip away for an afternoon. What I saw confirmed all the rumors we had heard. Young women selling themselves in the streets for a bite of bread, a landlord overcharging his tenants and forcing the families to sell their children as slaves, sorcerers and mages claiming to speak to the dead.
"That was bad enough to condemn the city, but the worst event happened the following day. The governor invited me to one more celebration before I left to return to Ara.
"The next day, I sat in the seat of honor next to the governor himself as men and women in chains were brought to kneel before him. We were seated in a coliseum-like venue with the wealthy spectators sitting above looking down on the prisoners. The rest of the common folk stood in the back.
"Each prisoner was required to state his crime before being led to the chopping block. That is nothing new - standard procedure for many criminals. However, the punishment did not match the crime. One man could not pay back his debt after being charged a ridiculous amount of interest. Another had stolen a loaf of bread to feed his family. One woman had refused to sell her children when she could no longer work to pay off her debt. Her husband had been killed in a work-accident the year before. There was even a child who had said an errant word about the governor. On and on the list went. These people weren't murderers or spies - they were people who had made mistakes due to unfortunate circumstances. Though some deserved punishment, none of them should have received death.
"Even that, though, was not the worst part. When each man and woman was brought to the block, the people, both wealthy and poor alike, hurled insults and rotten food at the prisoners. They were not even allowed a dignified death. I could barely watch, but watch I did, for I needed to report this to the Prince.
"After it was over, I hurried back to Ara. Though it should have taken me three days to reach the Shining City, I made it in two. When I arrived, I sought out the Prince and told him everything. The next day, the Prince, several of his senior guards, and I were heading back to Norvik. The time for justice had come. Everything would be put to rights.
"We arrived at the gates on the evening of the third day. Prince Solas demanded to be let in. I had loosened my sword in my belt, expecting a fight. The Prince gave me a look, saying that would not be needed. This confused me. Were we not here for vengeance?
"The governor, upon seeing who we were, opened the gate. I had warned the Prince about the governor's trickery and flattery, and he wasted no time to tell the governor of his business.
"'I will give you three days to repent and to turn from your evil ways,' said the Prince. 'Otherwise, the wrath of the Almighty will fall upon you.' With those parting words, we left. I could not understand it. I had told the Prince of the city's terrible deeds. Why did he do nothing? The Prince reminded me that everyone deserves a second chance, asking me if I had never done anything wrong. His words calmed me, as they often did. I was certain that in three days' time, the wicked city of Norvik would be no more.
"Three days passed, and we entered the city again. Everything had changed. Instead of enticing us with lavish food and clothing, the governor, dressed in burlap, bowed and asked forgiveness. The people were likewise humbled. The wealthy had returned their exploited wealth to the rightful people, the sorcerers had burned their books, and in the middle of the square stood a massive bonfire with the remains of the gallows burning within.
"You know what the Prince did? Instead of punishing the guilty and replacing the governor, he accepted their apology and even offered to help rebuild the city the right way. We, as the Prince's guards, were to help. The Prince's proclamation filled me with rage. I had not spent a week in this forsaken city enduring all its darkness to help set it right. The people here deserved the worst punishment, and yet here we were offering to make them great.
"I left that night, leaving my golden medallion on my bed. I had sworn to help uphold justice, not offer love where it wasn't earned, and if the Prince was not what justice was, then I wanted no part of it. Along the way, I stopped by Ara to say goodbye to my mother. Marcus saw me leaving and accompanied me.
"So when I say that I don't believe the story about the fallen angels' tears, you could say I was speaking from experience."
I let Nourse's words sink in. To leave his childhood dream all for the pursuit of justice was incredible. Still, he had to miss his home. As a traitor to the Prince, he could never return to see his family. My mom's face filled my vision. Would I ever see her again?
Yes, I had to believe that I would, and when I did, I would convince her of the right side. The scent of the dirt and the whistling of the wind in the grass near my house filled my eyes with tears as I realized my home was gone.
"Don't you miss your mother? Your home?" I asked, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand. It would not do for Nourse to see me crying here. He would think I was weak.
Silence filled the room. I had pushed him too far.
"Leaving my single mother by herself is one of my greatest regrets," whispered Nourse, breaking the quiet. I blinked at the raw emotion coating his voice, as if he were trying to hold back tears himself.
"Do you think I will be able to return home?" I asked. Nourse studied me across the fire, knowing I didn't mean an actual, physical place.
"Are you glad you swore that oath?" he asked.
"Of course! Aren't you happy about the oath you swore?" I immediately responded. Nourse didn't reply. "I have a direct impact on this war now, and my life has purpose again. However, I didn't ask for any of this."
"I know. Sometimes, though, what you need isn't what you asked for," replied Nourse.
Indeed.
Still, to give up everything to the Prince only to turn around and give it to the other side seemed like an awfully steep price. Surely it was worth it, though, to know one was fighting for the right side, and if this war ever ended, families would be reunited, right? Still, I had to know... "Do you ever want to go back? To Ara and the Prince?"
A thoughtful silence surrounded us.
"Why would I want to return to a childhood fantasy?" replied Nourse, turning away. I couldn't be certain, but I was sure I detected a hint of bitterness and nostalgia in his tone. Above us, the tears of the fallen angels blinked and sparkled, crying enough for the both of us who had suffered so much loss.