Charlie's POV
LA wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be, even though my anxiety was on overdrive as I walked through the streets, it still wasn't as blood sucking as I thought it was going to be. Maybe it was because it was during the day or maybe it was because I actually kept an open mind about being here, but regardless I felt like it was a place I would be able to handle... in small doses.
Austy seemed to like it as he happily alternated between walking next to Austin, to resting on his hip back to walking next to him. I was still shocked at how quickly Austin was sliding into his role of Dad. It was a very welcomed change and one that I hoped he would keep up with even after his week off. If he didn't, I feel like it would be a rollercoaster of emotions for Austy and I didn't want him to go through that in a new place with just me to turn to for support.
Austin took us to all of the important places in LA starting with showing us where his recording studio was, which kind of surprised me. I was thinking more of a movie depiction of a recording studio compared to what it was. It resembled more of a house than a recording studio, but I guess that would only be more beneficial to me if I had to be there with Austy as there was a place for us to be while he was doing his thing. Although, I felt like it didn't matter if Austin was working or not Austy would be as close to him as possible.
He took us for a stroll down Rodeo, my head spinning like it was on a swivel as I took in the names of all of the stores that I had only seen in movies, heard in songs, and longed to have but knew I would never have the money to ever own. He took us to see the Walk of Fame, Austy bending down to try to fit his hands into every handprint he could find, the name underneath it super insignificant to him as he hopped like a frog from one to the other.
After, he took us for a nice lunch at the Feast Kitchen and Grill, a place that I could see the Austin that I knew and grew up with eating at and the fact that he kept things super down to Earth during our adventure only made me appreciate him even more, and appreciate the fact that he was doing everything imaginable to make me see LA in a different light.
Our last stop on our tour through LA was Venice Beach, someplace that Austin joked about saying even non beach lovers loved this beach. I was a little apprehensive to the idea knowing that Venice Beach was always one of the most packed beaches in LA, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt hoping that he knew what he was doing. It was a peaceful time to say the least, we walked hand in hand down the shore, his Vans clutched in his right hand and my sandals clutched in my left, our free hands respectively holding tightly to each other as we followed a happy Austy down the shoreline, chuckling as he would run screaming every time the waves would wash up around his ankles.
It was surely the family that I had always wanted, and for that day it felt like Austin wasn't even on his way to stardom. It felt like we were a family of tourists that were viewing the important sights of LA, enjoying our day together laughing and talking with just the odd adventure of viewing a recording studio added to our list. Everything was perfect, we were perfect and I couldn't be happier.
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The rest of the week continued to be the dream that I had always wanted. Austin spent every waking moment he could with us, waking up early to get breakfast ready, spending time with Austy so he could attempt to make up for all the years that he missed with him and just being an all around model boyfriend and Father. We spent a lot of time hanging around his house, the three of us doing family things together since now that we were here, Austin realized how non-family friendly his home was.
Austin and Austy quickly became attached at the hip, a foreign feeling to me since I was so used to be Austy's go to for anything that he needed, but now that Austin was around I seemed to have a greater deal of free time on my hands as opposed to years prior. I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. Austin insisted on me relaxing more and often days would force me to relax by the pool with a book and a glass of wine while he took care of Austy.
There was one day during the week that he left with Austy for the whole day. Austin wanted to take him to the indoor play area that we passed by on our first day here so they could bond alone together. I did think it was a great idea and very sweet of him to want to do that, but I'd be lying if I said my anxiety wasn't on overdrive as I tried to relax in the house. I had spent most of the day cleaning and giving the rooms a certain womanly touch as I had found myself driving towards the nearest Target that day to buy some things that I felt the house needed terribly, especially if I was going to call this my home for the rest of my life.
We quickly got into a routine around the house, Austin not seeming to have to change his life that much. We all started to wind down and relax around seven every night so I could try to keep to Austy's 8:00 bedtime. He quickly decided that Austin was the person he would want to cuddle with as we watched a movie through to the end, Austy almost always passing out half way through. Austin would carry him to his bedroom and tuck him into bed and then he and I would have our alone time that we would spend typically the same way.
We'd end up watching a movie of our own, sharing in a glass of rose that I had never known to be a drink of choice of his, moving to LA and living the high life must've gotten to him in that sense, while we cuddled on the couch, often times our attention on the movie being diverted to small talk as we caught each other up about the things that we have missed in each others lives. After the movie we would always share a cigarette outside on the patio while we looked at the stars and the lights of the city before passionately rolling between the sheets and cuddling as we fell asleep in each other's arms. Life was perfect, but like most things all good things needed to come to an end.
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We had spent most of the day with Austy. We went to the park, we swam in the pool, we made him his favorite lunch, Austin colored with him and we went out to a nice dinner-casual nothing over the top-before coming home and having heaping bowls of ice cream and watching Austy's favorite movie as he fell asleep. Like the last six days, Austin continued on with the normal routine. He carried Austy carefully to his room, lying him down in the center of his large bed as he placed a loving kiss on his forehead stepping aside so I could do the same. He placed his hand on my lower back as he led me out of the room, switching off the light and pulling the door closed just slightly behind him.
"Charlotte, let's go talk outside baby girl" he said, grabbing my hand as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.
I followed him out towards the patio, stopping briefly as he grabbed his smokes off the table. He sank himself down into the chair, pulling me down to sit between his legs. He placed his hand down on my thigh, his thumb rubbing softly against the skin as he lit his cigarette with his right, inhaling deeply before he blew out a thick cloud of smoke.
"So you go back to work tomorrow" I said, running my fingernails over the skin on the top of his hand, a small chuckle leaving my lips as I noticed some goosebumps forming in that area. "Can I have some?" I asked.
He laughed as he brought his cigarette down towards my lips, holding it lightly between his fingers as I took a long drag before pulling my head away and blowing out a thick cloud of smoke, my head resting back against his chest as I tried to get as close to him as I could.
"Yes baby girl, I do go back to work tomorrow" he said, taking another drag on his cigarette.
"So what does that mean for us?" I asked him, my feet coming up to rest firmly on the chair as I started moving my knees back in forth, a nervous tick I happened to pick up somewhere over the years.
"Nothing different than what we have been Charlotte" he said quietly, his lips coming down to meet with my cheek before he rested his chin lightly on the top of my head. His tone made it seem like he was hiding something from me and I wasn't sure how I felt about it.
"Well, what does your schedule look like for tomorrow?" I asked him, feeling myself becoming extra nervous at my own question.
He was silent for a while, not making any anxiety that I had dissipate, his silence only kept adding to the growing pile of it that was already lying deep in the pit of my stomach. I sat up and turned around so I was facing him, my knees drawn up to my chest and my chin resting comfortably on my knees.
"Austin" I said, prompting him to answer as he finished off his cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray next to us.
"I have to be at the studio tomorrow pretty early, like 9AM and then Dre has a packed day for me. I should be home around 8" he said, his eyes averting from my gaze as I felt my jaw drop at his response.
I tried to gather myself, taking several deep calming breaths through my nose as I tried to logically comprehend his absence for almost a 12 hour period. "Okay so I can get up and make you breakfast so you and Austy can have breakfast together and then I'll have dinner ready for 8. It'll probably be just you and I eating since Austy will be sleeping but" I started only for Austin to cut me off.
"Charlotte, I won't be here long when I come home" he said quietly, his eyes focusing on something that was most likely nonexistent on his lap before he slowly brought his gaze up to meet with mine.
"What? You have to go back to work or something?" I asked him with a laugh.
"Dre has some kind of small club gig set up for me tonight. I come home at 8 and then they are coming to get me at 9. It's just enough time for me to shower and get dressed before leaving again" he said.
"Oh so, what time are you going to be home from that?" I asked him, completely aware that I didn't want to hear the answer but knew that it was information that I needed to know regardless.
"Probably like 2am" he said.
I felt my heart collapse to the floor of my chest. I knew that his career was going to take up a lot of his time, but I didn't know that it would be thrown at my face this quickly. I thought we were going to ease into things, maybe a few studio hours before diving right into 16 hour work days with a one hour break in between that didn't even involve him spending any kind of time with his family.
"Oh okay then. Well uhm, we better get to bed you have a long day ahead of you" I said quickly, knowing that if I drug the words out I was going to break into a fit of tears. "I'm going to go shower. I'll see you inside" I said.
"Charlotte baby wait" he said, as I heard him getting off of the chair, his voice trailing after me like a horse trying to catch the carrot as I slowly kept dragging it out of his reach.
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"Charlotte? Baby are you okay?" I heard Austin say as I sat huddled on the tile floor of the shower, the steam from the water the only thing keeping me warm.
"Yeah I'm fine" I said, wiping up the tears that were heavily flowing out of my eyes as I looked over at him with a smile.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked as he stepped inside. I hoisted myself up off of the floor, quickly running my hand over my saturated hair as I smiled at him.
"I'm just about to get out anyway" I said with a shy smile, his hand coming out to rest on my right hip, the rest of his arm laying diagonally across my body as if he was trying to stop me from leaving.
"Charlotte don't do this please" he said in a pleading voice, his eyes staring down at me filled with sadness. The look alone letting me know that he was doing his best to try to make everything work.
"Do what? I'm not allowed to be sad that the boyfriend that I moved all the way out here for is suddenly going to be gone for 16 out of the 24 hours of the day and if I'm lucky I may be able to spend some of those remaining 8 hours with him before he falls asleep to wake up and do it all over again?" I said as I let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Charlotte, this isn't my fault. I didn't choose for my schedule to be the way that it is. I want you to come with me Charlotte but we have no one to watch Austy yet and there is no way I would be comfortable with him coming to a club show, I don't want him around that atmosphere" he said, his Dad tone taking over much of his voice as he looked at me.
"How convenient though that you didn't tell me I don't know three days ago. Maybe we could've found a fucking babysitter so I could come with you. So let me ask you another question Austin. How much do you really want me there if you didn't tell me about it until I prodded you for information the day before the show?" I asked looking at him, all of my anger and suspicions floating out of me, not stopping no matter how much I wanted them too.
He was quiet as he looked at me, his hand never leaving my hip but his gaze now fixated on the fixtures for the water that were mounted on the beige ceramic tile wall. "You're never going to think that I actually want you around me are you Charlotte. You're always going to think that I'm conveniently not telling you things because I have some ulterior motive" he said with an unbelieving laugh.
"Would you blame me Austin? Really would you?" I asked him, only giving him a few seconds to answer before I shook my head at him. "Just let me go" I said, moving his hand off of my hip as I pushed past him. I grabbed a fluffy towel off of the rack, wrapping it tightly around my body as I started to make my way out towards the bedroom.
I heard the unmistakable sound of the shower water being shut off followed by the hard slam of the glass door before Austin's footsteps sounded behind me.
"Hey listen, you aren't the only one who gets to be fucking mad here Charlotte. I think I deserve that right too and I am not going to let you take that away from me and make me feel like I'm always wrong" he said, his voice escalated as he walked towards me, his body standing in front of mine as I fell back to the bed, looking up at him completely awestruck of the person that was manifesting before me.
"I've been trying to do everything fucking right since I came to your parents house in New York. Trying to let you fucking know that I was ready for this, that I was ready to be with you because you are the fucking girl I've wanted to be with my whole fucking life Charlotte" he said loudly as he started to pace away from me, his voice wavering for just a second.
"I've tried to prove myself to you that I've changed, I've tried to be the best fucking father I can be to our little boy in there. I've made mistakes in the past Charlotte but you know what so have you! And yet I don't sit here and think negative about every fucking thing you do or think that you are hiding yet another secret from me, why? Because I fucking trust you Charlotte thats why!" he said, both of his hands lacing behind his neck as I continued to stare at him, swallowing hard at his words as my eyes followed him as he paced around the room in nothing but his towel wrapped tightly around his waist.
"All I asked was for you to give me a little bit of your trust Charlotte just a little fucking bit. You had just agreed to it the day after you came here and now this. Now you think I'm fucking withholding information from you because I want to go out to the club and get my fucking dick wet by someone else... all I can say to that is fuck you if that's what you think of me, honestly" he said before he threw his hands up at me and walked out of the bedroom onto the patio.
I pulled my legs up to my chest as I started to sob heavily into my lap. I have never seen Austin get so upset and now that I heard his side I realized that he had every reason I had if not more to be upset. I wasn't being very kind to him, I wasn't giving it my all like he was giving me. I was constantly letting that voice in the back of my head make me second guess everything that he was doing, never once saying that I appreciated him for trying. I deserved what he said to me and I deserved for him to be infuriated with me and if he went out tomorrow and did indeed get another girl, well I suppose I deserved that too. After all that's exactly what I had insisted he was going to do anyway.
I sat on the bed for a while longer, gathering myself and knowing that Austin needed time to gather himself. Almost a half hour later I pushed myself from the bed, the towel still wrapped around me tightly since dressing was the furthest thing from my mind as I quietly made my way outside.
"I'm fucking trying Dad I'm fucking trying so fucking hard. I love her so much and I've been doing nothing but trying to show her that and she keeps brushing it off like nothing, always focusing on the negatives" I heard his voice float over to me from a chair in the corner. His forehead rested against his left palm, a lit cigarette burning carelessly between his fingers as the smoke left the tip in thin wispy strands.
"I yelled at her, and I know that I said shit that I didn't mean. That isn't me Dad, you know that I would never yell at a girl ever, I just couldn't take it anymore. I want to understand where she is coming from, but she just made it so hard tonight. I know I have to apologize and we have to talk, I just don't know if she'll listen" he said quietly into the phone, the thick glob of ash that had formed at the end of his cigarette falling down to the ground as the tiny orange embers started to fade away, craving for that rush of oxygen to ignite them once again, but it didn't seem like Austin was going to give it any.
I started to walk up closer to him, not wanting him to think that I was eavesdropping on his whole entire conversation. I cleared my throat quietly, pulling up a chair from the table as I sat in front of him, both of my hands coming up to rest on either side of his knee as his eyes connected with mine. The emotion behind them was unreadable as he stared at me for just a few seconds, his left hand coming out as he cupped my cheek in his hand. I leaned against it, completely not caring that the filter of his cigarette was brushing against my cheek as I focused on the feeling of his calloused thumb gliding effortlessly under my eye.
"I have to go Dad. Yeah I'll call you tomorrow at some point. Yeah you too" he said before hanging up his phone and putting it on the table next to him.
Neither of us said a word to each other, our gazes meeting with each other before they pulled away again, our actions giving away the fact that we were both ashamed of our actions but neither of us wanted to be the first to admit it. The thought of that made me chuckle since the both of us were always too stubborn to ever admit that the other was wrong our whole entire lives.
"Charlotte I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did. I should've sat down and talked with you about how I felt. It's just... I was so frustrated baby and I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't still frustrated. I'm trying to understand Charlotte, I really am. It's just, I feel like everytime something comes up you never stop to see the positive side of things but rather you focus on the negative" he said shaking his head before he connected his gaze with mine again.
"Charlotte please tell me what I have to do to prove to you that I am not the guy that has hurt you like I did in the past. What else do you want me to do? You tell me and I'll do it I promise. I'll do anything so you know that I am going to be nothing but faithful to you" he said, small tears starting to form around his crystal blue irises.
"That's just it Austin, you're doing everything right and I've never stopped to tell you that. I've wanted this so bad my whole entire life. I've dreamed about us growing old together with our kids while you lived out your dream, my whole life if anyone were to ask me who I would end up with I'd always say you" I said with a smile, his lips curling up just slightly as he grabbed my hands in his, our fingers taking up the space between the others as we looked at each other with deep intense stares.
"I love you Austin, despite everything that just happened between us, I love you so much. I know that I am the one that is making this difficult. I know that I am the one who is causing all of the fights that we've been having, and I'm the one who is always thinking about the negatives instead of looking at the positives. I'm sorry I am having that attitude Austin I really am." I said turning my head away from him quickly as I took a deep shaky breath before looking at him again.
"Austin, I'm a work in progress. I don't mean to dwell on the past, but I'm so afraid that I am going to get hurt again. But you're right, you're doing everything you can think of to show the opposite of that and I just keep thinking of the what if's. Just spending this week off with you Austin has proved so much to me, and I'm sorry that when we were talking about work that I didn't let that flood my thoughts because if it had I never would've acted that way" I said, my eyes leaving his as I looked down at our laced fingers.
"Hey look at me baby girl. I completely expect you to be upset over my work schedule, especially tomorrow. That was not how I wanted to ease you into my life but Dre always has other ideas for me. Just because I am in the studio tomorrow doesn't mean that you have to sit here in the house all day with Austy. My security can take you down to the studio and you guys can stay and hang out for a while. You're always welcome there Charlotte" he said with a smile as he leaned in and put a kiss on my forehead.
"As far as the show after I'm done at the studio, I tried my hardest to get out of it but Dre won't let me cancel, especially not now a day before the show. But I promise you Charlotte, it's just me doing a show and coming home. There is only one girl for me and there always has been only one girl for me since I saw the picture on your instagram on 4th of July 2011. Something came over me that day Charlotte and all I could think about from that day forward was how I was going to make you happy every day of your life" he said, both of his hands leaving mine as they cupped the sides of my face, holding it steady as he looked at me with a stare that was brewing with a plethora of emotions.
"I know I haven't lived up to that, but from here on out I will always make sure that you are the happiest girl to ever exist and I want the world to know that you're mine. I love you so much Charlotte Roman" he said with a smile as I felt the tears start to drip over my waterline as they made their way down the steep slope of my cheeks.
"I love you to Austin Post" I said through a small sob before crashing our lips together, my body leaving my chair as I straddled his lap. Our kiss deepend quickly as his hands tugged at the towel that was tightly wrapped around my waist, bunching it up around my hips.
I kneeled up, unwrapping the fabric from around his waist, grabbing his hardened dick in my hand as I slowly slid down his length. The two of us became one in a very intimate and raw moment as we showed each other just how sorry and how much we loved each other at the same time. All of the previous occurrences drifting away, the beating of hearts and the feeling of each other the only thing that mattered.
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A/N: Charlie has wanted this for so long and now that she finally has it, it seems like she is set out to self-sabotage everything even though Austin is giving it his all. What are your thoughts? Are they just too young and don't know how to handle being in a relationship like this? Also, they heavily rely on intimacy as a bandaid, closing the wound temporarily until some other obstacle tears it back open again. How long do you think they will last this time before they are at it again? Do you think their relationship will last? As always let me know your thoughts and thank you for reading, liking and commenting!
~Updates~
5-21-21: I Know You're Scared of the Unknown 5-22-21: What Happens In Vegas
5-23-21: I'm No Good At Goodbyes