Monday
Adele has been clock-watching all day. It was always going to be a difficult day to go through, but she's especially on edge to see Gwen when she gets home.
Today is Gwen's last chemotherapy cycle, hopefully ever. Her appointment started at 2pm, it's now 4:30pm, and they're still not home. She's sure everything is fine. There's probably a lot to go through paperwork-wise during the last meeting, but she's still a little tense. Her foot taps and her eyes flit to the doorway every time she hears the smallest sound.
Casper's cackling laughter startles her, and she has to take a deep breath before she can look back to the TV again.
It really has been a long day. For the most part, in the morning she threw herself into her college work. The sadness that had struck her when she realised she was partnerless for the first time strangled her for a minute or two, but she snapped out of it and pushed on. It was obvious that some of the students were looking at her, with whatever feelings about her she didn't know, nor did she really care. She ignored them, and spoke to no one. Occasionally she would answer someone's question, or laugh and return a comment that Ben or Paisley made when they were close by in the kitchen, but apart from that she hardly spoke, and carried on with her baking.
At lunchtime, she and Harry disappeared to his car again, eating lunch together and sharing quiet conversation. She'd admitted she was scared to go up to the classroom after eating.
"Why?" Harry had asked softly, resting a hand on her thigh.
"Because she won't be there." Adele mumbled, throat tight all of a sudden. "Everyone keeps watching what I do, and I don't want them to see the look on my face when I look at her seat and she's not in it."
Harry started caressing her thigh calmly, taking her hand to bring it to his lips. "Everyone else doesn't matter, Ads. You found her body, for fuck's sake, how do they expect you to behave? Like it didn't happen?"
"No, of course not." She sniffed. "Just think maybe I shouldn't have come back so soon."
"Adele, if I've learnt anything from you, it's to not give a fucking shit what other people think. You decided to come back and finish your assessment because you want to honour Bella, and you need a distraction. Anyone who thinks that's a bad decision can get fucked, because it's none of their business. Alright?"
And she'd agreed. And with a little Dutch courage she'd waltzed back up to the classroom. Yes, there was some slight hesitation when she looked at the one seat Bella normally occupied, but she sat right in it, ignoring everyone else, and logged onto the computer to get started.
After that it was a waiting game until 2pm when she knew Gwen's treatment started. She forced herself to concentrate again on her work, but with the clock in the bottom corner of the computer screen teasing her every minute for the rest of the afternoon, she was getting irritated. People around her were loud and at times she found it difficult to focus. She was also conscious of ruining Bella's frankly particular layout in their portfolio.
When they were sent packing for the day, Adele had driven across town to Chetwynd to collect Casper from school, brought him home, and helped him with his homework. Dinner was all ready to go for when her parents and her grandma got back - though Gwen's appetite was usually non-existent after a cycle -, all she had to do was heat it up.
She sits forward the minute the door opens, waiting for someone to appear. Casper remains with his gaze on the TV, oblivious to the importance of the day. Ethel appears first, a gentle smile on her face.
"How did it go?" Adele asks quietly, looking her grandma over for any signs of distress.
"Just fine, Ads. She's just a bit knackered, as expected."
"Can I go and see her?"
Eth laughs, taking a seat. "Of course you can. Your dad's up there with her."
Adele is immediately on her feet, heading out of the room to the hall and up the stairs. She lingers in the open doorway, watching as her dad sits by her mum's side as he teases his lips over her cheek. Gwen's quiet giggles mean spirits are high, at least. That relaxes her some.
"Stop creeping in the doorway, Adele." Baz says quietly, turning to look at his daughter with a smile. "It's weird."
"Sorry. Didn't want to disturb you." She mumbles sheepishly, stepping into the room.
"We heard you coming up the stairs, bab. You're normally a bit more light-footed."
"Oh," she pouts, "cheers."
Baz rolls his eyes, standing from his place and nodding in the direction of the bed. "Go on. I need to eat, I'm starving."
"Dinner is in the kitchen, just needs heating up."
"Thank you, daughter of mine." He grins, pecking the top of her head as he passes. "Has Casper eaten?"
"Yes."
"Have you eaten?"
"Yes."
Baz nods, disappearing to find his dinner.
Adele crawls into bed on her dad's side, close to her mother but not in an overwhelming proximity. Gwen takes her hand and presses a kiss to the side of it, resting both in her lap as she settles down.
"How do you feel?" Adele asks calmly.
"Relieved." Gwen chuckles. "It was an easy cycle today, they just had to arrange future check ups and reiterate all the side effects I might still have. And of course your dad had 101 questions to ask Doctor Ringwell, so it was just a bit different to usual."
"Was Carol okay?"
Gwen smiles warmly. "She was. She mentioned how lovely your eulogy was, which was nice of her. But she seemed to be okay in herself, I think. Can never be too sure, but I suppose it's good sometimes to put a brave face on."
"They're such a nice family..." Adele muses. "Mostly."
"Yes, I think Adrian just had bad influences. Or he was dropped on his head. Not that it's any excuse to treat people the way he does, but you certainly can't blame his mother for the way he turned out."
Adele shakes her head, reluctant to push the discussion of Adrian further.
Gwen turns her head to the side, looking over her daughter's slightly distant features. "How was college today?"
"It was okay." She sighs, blinking a few times. "I had a bit of a... wobble, I guess, at lunchtime, but not anything serious."
"What happened?"
"Nothing really. I just had this weird sort of fear that everyone thought I was stupid to come back so soon, 'cause I knew they were all watching me."
Gwen purses her lips, taking a firmer grip on Adele's hand. "Do you not think maybe they were looking out for you? You know... to make sure you were okay on your own?"
Adele wonders whether that might be a possibility, but she has to admit it seems unlikely. "I don't think they care enough to do that, Mum."
"You never know, Ads. People might surprise you. They'll all be feeling Bella's loss too, you're all in the same boat on that front. I know people can be shitty, but... try and think a little more conscientiously, and less critically."
She sighs, hiding her face in her dad's pillows as she groans loudly, trying to muffle the sound. "How do you always see the best in people?"
"With great practice, baby girl."
Adele screws her face up in retort, settling with her bottom lip protruding. "I'm so lucky to have a mum like you. I wonder how people cope sometimes, like Ben with Edyta. She fucks off all the time and he pretends like it's not a big deal, and that astounds me."
"Everyone is different, Adele. Ben is a very independent person, and I don't think he's needed his mum for a very long time."
"That doesn't make what she does okay, though." Adele reasons.
"No, you're right - it doesn't. And I'm not making excuses for her either, but some people just aren't cut out to be parents. Unfortunately we all live in this society where we're made to believe that the ultimate goal is to get married and have children. But those two things aren't exclusive to happiness, and they also don't have to come exclusively together, either. In a sad way, I don't think Edyta ever wanted children, but circumstances unbeknown to us meant she ended up having Ben anyway. And maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is a fault of 'always seeing the best in people', but I do think that at one point she did try. Because if she truly didn't want him, she wouldn't keep coming back."
Adele presses her lips together, gaze falling away from her mother's face. "I disagree."
Gwen chuckles quietly, bringing her hand to her lips again. "I know you do."
"I think she kept coming back because she always wound up not having anywhere else to go, and she knew Ben wouldn't tell her otherwise. I think you're right in saying that she never wanted children, and that yes, maybe at one point she did try. But I think she's always considered him a burden and he tries to make up for that in accommodating her in whatever way he can."
"You don't trust her, do you?" Gwen asks around narrow eyes.
"No, I don't." Adele admits, running her finger along her lip with her free hand.
"And?" Gwen prompts.
"And I don't know if he's got anyone to look after him if she does fuck off again."
"Not even Eden?"
Adele shakes her head. "No, not even Eden."
~
Tuesday
"Not gonna lie, mate," Paisley sighs as she and Adele sit down to start their day, in the restaurant and waiting for the other students to arrive, "Tuesdays have been especially shit without you here."
"Aw," Adele laughs lightly, patting her hand, "that's cute."
"Nah, I mean it. It's hard anyway 'cause no one knows what the fuck they're doing without you, but I have also just missed you."
"Stop it, Paisley, you're gonna make me blush."
"And we all know," Harry appears behind Adele's chair, having come into the restaurant with Ben through the other entrance, "that she'll probably fall in love with anyone who makes her blush. So back off, Jelani."
Ben snorts, and Adele rolls her eyes.
"Scared I'm gonna steal her away?" Paisley teases, a tone of faux condescension on her voice.
"No." He huffs, playing up to it by placing his hand on Adele's thigh. "She's already told me she loves me, so you're too late."
"Pretty sure she only said it so you'd stop whining."
Harry gasps, pressing his hand to his chest. "I do not whine."
"Yes you do." Ben scoffs.
Harry's mouth falls scornfully, and he looks to Adele for some kind of back up. "Do I whine, Adele?"
"No, of course you don't, baby." She pouts, stroking his arm comfortingly. When she turns back to Paisley and Ben she widens her eyes and mouths, "Yes he does."
Harry, too smug to have noticed her contradiction, squeaks with pride. "See."
"Alright, everyone," Alison starts, standing in the middle of the room with a slightly worried look about her, "we need to get going, it's a very busy day. Not the best to welcome back Miss Adele, but I know we'll all manage."
She starts dishing out roles to Level 2s, instructing them to choose however many Level 1s are required for their section and then to just get going. Adele is given Section 1 with Paisley, and the two of them pick Ashley to help them for the day. Two Level 1s are then sent into the kitchen to start polishing cutlery, while Harry looks over the table plan for the day to put in the linen order. Once he's satisfied, Adele takes the order to the laundry to be collected, and gives each section the right amount of tablecloths and napkins. In the meantime, Paisley rescues extra cutlery and the good steam iron from the mezzanine floor.
"Harry's hair is looking extra fluffy today." Paisley mumbles, pausing the one napkin she's folding to stare across the room.
Adele smiles, her ironing slowing for a moment as she glances over her shoulder at him. And Paisley is right - it is fluffy, and it's also getting long. It's starting to brush around his neck, and it looks less curly with the weight of it.
"He probably hasn't put anything in it to avoid being late." She supposes, turning back to her ironing. "He normally puts, like, a wax in it, I think."
"It looks like it needs a trim."
Adele pouts. "I don't want him to cut it." She admits, hating the thought of all his cute ringlets disappearing.
"Why, 's it give you more to hold onto in the bedroom?" She jokes.
"No, that's not it." Adele mumbles, but she can feel the heat on her cheeks.
"You sure?" Paisley laughs. "The look on your face says otherwise."
Adele screws her face up, refusing to answer.
The morning rolls on as it normally would, with all the students, now comfortable with the daily tasks, working towards the same common goal - to have the room set up and ready for service. Just before breaktime Harry retrieves the hoover, leaving it for someone else to do like he normally does. Adele watches him with a frown as he retreats back to the till, and steps forward to start vacuuming the room with the less than adequate Henry.
Once it's done, she puts it away again and heads to the canteen, Harry waiting for her by the entrance.
"What's that look for?" He asks at the irritated expression on her face.
"Every week you do this thing where you go and find the hoover and then leave it in the middle of the room for someone else to do." She grumbles, squeezing past him as he holds the door open for her.
"Yeah, and?" He returns, clearly attempting to keep the conversation light even though it's obviously how he feels.
"Well, why bother?" She asks, pausing before they decide where they're sitting. "It's lazy, and a bit presumptuous."
"Big word." He mumbles. "I had other stuff to do, and I have already spent two years doing the hoovering every week."
"Oh, so it's an entitlement thing? You think you shouldn't have to do the hoovering anymore because you're a Level 3?"
His eyes widen, a bewildered laugh leaving him. "Ads, I did the hoovering both weeks you weren't here. It's just one little job."
She narrows her eyes at him, lips thinning. "You better not be lying to me."
"I promise you I'm not." He chuckles, pinching her cheek. "What do you want to eat?"
She sighs, shoulders dropping. "I don't know. Just... get me anything, 'm not fussy."
Harry raises his brow, keeping silent but the action clearly disbelieving of the statement. "Alright, won't be long."
She hums conclusively, and turns away from him to head into the bathrooms rather than sitting down. She uses the loo quickly, a little surprised to find Eden in there when she comes out, already washing her hands.
"Oh, hey," Adele mumbles, taking her place at the next sink over, and rolls up the sleeves on her shirt.
"Hey," Eden smiles back limply, shaking her wet hands into the sink. "How are you?"
"I'm okay." She lifts her shoulders a little, and nods from side to side. "Just... trying to keep busy. If I sit for too long without a distraction it can get a bit overwhelming."
"That's understandable..." Eden agrees, taking a paper towel from the dispenser to dry her hands. "Listen, I kinda wanted to talk to you about what happened a few weeks ago. I've been trying to find the right time 'cause I'd rather talk to you alone, but I don't want to leave it any longer, 'cause I'm sure you think bad enough of me already."
Adele's gaze grows worried, eyes wide as she turns her body to look at her friend. "Okay..."
"I'm sorry about Bella. I really am." Eden swallows thickly. "I didn't know what she was doing for you, and for your mum. I didn't realise that she'd become a more... like, prominent part of your life. I get it now, with her being at the hospital, and going out with Ravi while you were seeing Ryan. I've been a bit... well, a lot blind. So, I'm sorry."
Adele looks down, drying her hands slowly with a paper towel. "Thank you."
"And I'm sorry you had to see what you did. I can't imagine how horrifying that must've been, and you're... way braver than I ever would be to still come back and finish. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you, either. I just didn't want to overwhelm you, and I knew Harry would be way better at looking after you than I would."
Adele laughs gently, just a hummed noise. She licks her lips before she speaks. "She left me a note, and um, she mentioned you in it."
Eden startles. "She did?"
"Yeah." Adele nods. "She said she hated you, but you're still the baddest bitch she knew. I've read the damn thing enough times now to remember."
"Huh," Eden squeaks, almost like she's surprised. "I wasn't expecting that. But I'll take it."
"You should. She'll appreciate it. And I'll have done my job in telling you like she asked me, too."
Eden smiles, reaching for the door to leave the bathroom. "Thank you for telling me."
"Yeah, no problem. Thank you for talking to me." Adele hums, laughing slightly with it.
The two girls head back into the table in the canteen, Eden sitting by Ben and Adele sitting in the empty chair next to Harry.
"I got you a sausage sandwich." He announces, pushing the greasy paper bag towards her.
Lewis laughs dirtily, leaning forward. "Pretty sure you need two blokes for it to be a sausage sandwich."
A few people around the table laugh at his childish joke, and others grumble at him for being so immature.
"For crying out loud." Harry mutters.
"This is fine, thank you." She mumbles, pecking his cheek once before she takes the top slices of bread off to pour ketchup on it.
"Pleasure. I also bought us a muffin to share."
"Cute. Who's 'us'?" Lewis grins, reaching forward to try and steal it.
Harry smacks his hand away with a scowl. "Not you, dipshit."
Lewis screws his face up disdainfully, sitting backwards again.
"Harry, tell Adele what you just told me." Paisley encourages, an odd grin on her face.
"Oh," he huffs, twisting in his seat to face her, "Ali told me I'm gonna have to start putting my hair up 'cause it's getting too long."
Adele's mouth tilts upwards at the corners, her gaze shifting from Harry to Paisley and back again. "Well, it is growing."
"No, I know that, but it's not long enough to tie up yet."
"You could do what I do with mine." She suggests, lightly gripping the small bun at the crown of her head. "Half-up, half-down."
"Fuckin' hell, matchin' ties, matchin' hair, what next?" Lewis scoffs.
Ben swats his arm with a frown. "Shut up, you knob. We all know if you were sensible enough to have a girlfriend, you'd do the fuckin' same."
Adele laughs, genuinely, and it's the happiest sound she's made in weeks. Without really thinking, Harry leans into her, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Yeah, Lewis." He chides.
"Here," Hattie hands Adele the spare hair bobble on her wrist, "give him a little bun, it'll look adorable."
"Hang on," he sits back again, "I don't wanna look adorable, that's Adele's job."
The entire table, including Adele, simultaneously cringes at the comment, a lot of them voicing their disdain.
"We'll do it when we go back into the restaurant." Adele says tightly to Harry. "Just stop being cheesy."
"No, let her do it now." Lewis says, suddenly adopting a more serious tone. "You've got a nice enough face, it would probably suit you."
Harry snorts. "Now who's being adorable?"
"Jesus, get a room." Paisley grimaces.
"I don't need Jesus to get a room, Pais." Harry smirks.
"We're all going on holiday together, this is going to be torture." She grumbles.
"Yeah, and you can't change your mind, 'cause you've already paid your deposit."
Adele freezes mid-bite of her sandwich at the reminder of paying for their holiday. It's been well over a month since they booked it and she definitely hasn't given anyone any money for their second payment installment.
"What?" Harry asks calmly, placing his hand at the bend of her elbow.
"I haven't sent any more money for the holiday." She mumbles, meeting his gaze worriedly.
"It's alright, I sorted it. You were a bit preoccupied the day we paid it so I sent it for you."
She exhales heavily, resting her forehead against his arm. "Thank you." She looks back up to him. "I'll send it you back as soon as I get home."
"There's no rush, Ads." He hums with a smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"No, I'd rather send it while it's fresh in my mind. Otherwise you'll have paid more than everyone else and I'll have paid less and that's not fair."
"Alright." He chuckles. "But if you happen to forget I won't be chasing you for it like a debt collector."
She smiles back at him, pecking his lips just once, and then resumes eating her sandwich before it goes completely cold.
Once they've finished eating, Adele, Harry, Paisley and Ben head back into the restaurant to get a headstart so that service can run as smoothly as possible. Before Adele starts, though, she puts Harry's hair up in a little half-up, half-down do like hers.
"There." She grins, patting his shoulders when she's done. "If Alison complains, I'll give up."
"I don't care about Alison." He grumbles, standing from the bistro chair he'd been sitting in, and turns to face her. "Thank you."
"My pleasure, handsome." She grins, accepting the light kiss he gives her. "Lewis was right - it does suit you."
"It's 'cause I've got a good face." He strokes his jaw proudly.
~
Wednesday
A heavy waft of warm, sweet air hits Adele in the face as she opens the oven door at the sound of the timer. The smell of baked goods fills the space around her, her mouth watering immediately. She slides the tin out of the oven, nudging the door shut with her elbow, and leaves it on the side to cool for a moment.
She checks her phone, finding only a pointless Instagram notification, and then she returns to the cake. She removes it from the tin carefully, and peels the greaseproof paper away from the sides and the bottom. She leaves it atop a cooling rack to cool completely, busying herself in the interim with making a round of hot drinks.
Steven isn't in a particularly good mood today so she's been trying to keep out of his way. He did appreciate her offer of a coffee, though. Two other chefs have been bickering about something in Polish all day, so Adele has also been avoiding their heated discussion. It's been a relatively strange day. Anne hasn't been in since she's visiting Harry's grandparents. She's admittedly more relieved than usual to see Harry when he walks through the door.
"Oo," he beams at the sight of the cake cooling on the side, "is this my future masterpiece?"
Adele nods with a bemused smile from where she's squeezing tea into her mug out of the teabag. "Hopefully. I still need to cut it, though, so you'll have to preoccupy yourself with summat else until it's ready."
"That's alright," he hums, turning away from the cake to press a gentle kiss to her lips, "need a shower first anyway."
"Yeah, it is hot today." She says absently, looking up to the windows above where it's so bright out the only thing to be seen is bright sky.
"You're telling me. The sun was coming in right through the windows into the larder this morning. Thought I was gonna melt."
Adele grimaces. "It's not much better in here, but I've just made everyone a hot drink."
"You're fucking nuts." He laughs. "I want a massive bucket to sit in filled with ice."
"Go have a cold shower. I'll ask Mandy to get y'a pint of ice, so when you come back it'll have all melted."
Harry gasps, taking her face between his hands. "You're a genius, sweet cheeks. I'll be back."
She accepts his kiss with a light giggle, before turning back to her tea. She tops it up with the right amount of milk, stirs it, and tosses the teaspoon into the cutlery bucket at the potwash.
She begins to prep for her cutting, finding her knives and a container to keep the excess trimmings in. She checks the temperature again, making sure it's definitely cool enough to cut and won't fall apart.
It's a tall cake - taller than a standard Victoria sponge, and Madeira flavoured as per the guest's request. She trims the top first so that it's flat and smooth on the top, keeping her eyeline level with where she's cutting. She notices when Harry returns from upstairs, but doesn't let it take her concentration away from what she's doing. She marks it all the way around then, knowing that because it's tall, Harry will want it cut into three even slices.
He occupies the space next to her while she works, quickly preparing the buttercream for the filling and to cover the outside before he ices it.
"Did you leave me some lemon rind?" He asks calmly when she stands straight.
Adele wipes her brow with her wrist, blinking a couple of times as she registers his question. "Er... yes, I did. In the fridge with some juice as well."
"Perfect." He mumbles, placing the bowl on the side to lean down into the fridge.
"Are those alright for you?" She asks, pointing to the sliced-up cake spread across the side - three circles lined up in a neat row."
"When have they ever not been?" He grins. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." She sighs with a warm smile, and wanders to the hand basin to wash her hands.
She checks the time, still having a few hours left of her shift since she started a little later than usual so that she could take Casper to school before she came in. Baz had an important meeting that couldn't be missed and the journey was a couple of hours, but he said he'd be home in time to collect Casper.
"Adele?" Mandy appears in the kitchen doorway with an uninterested expression.
"Yeah?" She looks over quickly, knowing not to irritate the woman more than necessary.
"There's someone here to see you." She says, and then immediately turns away again.
Adele frowns, glancing at Harry who seems just as confused. She sighs heavily, not too keen on the idea of chatting with anyone at this point, but she follows Mandy out to the front of the generous pub.
Mandy points to a quiet corner, only one person sitting at a table meant for four people.
She swallows, her chest tightening a little and her stomach flipping at the sight of Ravi looking particularly despondent. She hadn't interacted with him at the wake on Saturday, mostly with the intent to avoid Ryan rather than ignoring him, but she hadn't answered his texts or calls yet.
Wringing at her own hands, she approaches the table in an apprehensive manner, chewing on her lip. She sits opposite him and clears her throat, rattled by the lack of life in his eyes. "Hi."
Ravi's gaze wanders over her face, his expression unwavering. "Hi."
"Are you... okay? Did you want a drink or anything?"
He exhales, sitting back. "No, I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine, I just don't want a drink."
Adele readjusts her mouth, unsure of herself. "Okay."
"Where have you been?"
She blinks, a flurried and uncertain action. "What do you mean?"
"I've been calling you and texting you for weeks and you've completely fucking ignored me. That's not fair, Adele."
"I'm sorry, but -,"
"I wasn't even asking for much, I just needed to talk to someone who was in the same position as me, and you just ignored me. Do you know how selfish that is?"
"Hang on, Ravi," she holds a finger up to him, her expression growing irate, "what I went through and what you went through are two very different things."
"How are they?" He demands.
"I know you've lost your girlfriend, mate, but I'm the one that found her. Don't ever think for one second that my grieving process would ever be the same as yours, 'cause it fuckin' isn't. The only similarity is that we lost someone we both love, but that's it. You didn't see her dead. You didn't see her mum in bits at her feet, and you didn't see her body put in the back of a private fucking ambulance. And I know you definitely didn't see the shit she was going through before she died that pushed her to do what she did. You cannot make me feel guilty for grieving, Ravi. Don't be so fucking entitled."
Adele promptly stands, head a little dizzy now that she's been successfully enraged, and also feeling a weight in her body from overwhelming sadness. She'd been doing pretty well up to this point this week at starting to feel better, and now all she wants to do is lock herself away while she cries and cries and cries. Again.
"Wait, hang on." Ravi begs as she starts to walk away.
"What?" She hisses. "Look, I'm sorry you've been left out of the loop or whatever, but it is so fucking nasty of you to be angry with me for not talking to you."
"What do you expect me to do, Adele?" He says exasperatedly. "She never gave a single fucking thing away, I had no idea. We saw each other so many times over those past few days and not once did she seem out of herself at all. And then on Saturday you go up there and say it was all planned."
"It was all planned. She never gave anything away to me, either. I just knew more about her troubles than you. And it's not because of any reason other than that I found it out on my own. But it was planned, because she wrote five people letters, you and I included."
"Her letter to me said nothing other than a very long-winded effort at saying she loves me. Or, loved me. What am I supposed to do with that now? She's dead."
"You are the most selfish person I've ever met." Adele scoffs, her eyes welling. "She's gone, and all you give a shit about is that you don't know what happened, and you don't have her anymore, and that she loved you but she can't now. Think about everyone else for just one second, will you? She told you in her letter that she loves you. Yes, present tense. Wherever the fuck she is right now, she is still loving you. And all I get is the impression you don't deserve it. You are so fucking lucky, Ravi. Bella found it hard to love anyone, and she loves you. Why isn't that enough? In her last moments she thought of you. That's all that should matter."
"And what about all this shit that apparently happened to her? Am I just supposed to not care about that?"
"It is not my place to tell you what was going on in Bella's life. I don't know why she didn't tell you, but I'm not going to tell you in her place. What you should be doing is consoling Carron. She lost her baby girl, and she is the only person who has the right to discuss Bella's life with you. If she doesn't want to tell you, then you need to fucking respect that. If Bella loves you then she considers you her family. And if you really love her, I think you need to prove it."
"How am I supposed to do that when she's not even here anymore?"
"Don't be so fucking transparent. Go and see her mum. Stop being so selfish, think about the others who are grieving rather than just you and what you don't know. I'm not gonna tell you any more."
She turns away from him, wandering back to the kitchen with a weighted feeling to her. She wipes her wet eyes before she does reenter, shaking herself inside and out. She can feel her hands shaking, a combination of exertion and not having eaten yet, so the first place she heads to is the walk-in to find things for a sandwich.
"Who was it?" Harry asks, standing perhaps a little too close to her for her to make any food, leaning his hip against the counter.
"Ravi."
He looks up and towards the doorway with an alarmed expression. "What did he want?"
"It doesn't matter."
"I think it does, Adele." Harry retorts, lightly touching under her elbow like he had done yesterday.
She huffs, abandoning the lunch she's making, and turns to face him. "He was upset with me for not talking to him, so I gave him a piece of my mind and told him to leave me alone."
"What the fuck, is he stupid?"
"Apparently."
Harry sighs, stroking his hand over her hair and pulls her against his chest. "One day, shit is gonna stop hitting the fan, and you will have an easy day. I don't know when, but it will happen."
She breathes a laugh, nuzzling her head into his chest. "God, I hope so. I'm so tired of being tired."
"I know," he murmurs, hands stroking up and down her back, "I know."
~
Saturday
Until this year, fear wasn't really a word that Adele had ever associated herself with. Nothing much had ever really scared her, she had nothing to be fearful of. She had a good family, a roof over her head, money in her bank account from her job, a car, decent friends. She wasn't necessarily brave, though. No, she didn't think she was brave. Could she handle herself on most occasions? Sure. But no, she's never considered herself to be brave.
Fear, however, seems to have crept its way into her life in only a matter of so many months. They say that bad things, or death at least, comes in threes. So how come death had brushed her four times now? Twice successfully. It's that reason she fears death above anything else. For eighteen strong years she'd gone about her life not worrying about it at all - it would come when she'd lived her life. She would die of old age and that would be okay.
Except it might not be like that. Not at all.
It could come at any time, in any place, and it may not even come with a warning. It could come in the form of grief, or illness, or sheer reluctance at wanting to live life when it's been so bad that there doesn't seem to be an alternative option. Someone else might take it from her, like they so nearly did all those weeks ago.
It might come for her now, while she stands stoic under a cold shower as she tries to rid the dark thoughts that bleed her. It could come from that very same man who nearly took it from her the first time, and who took it from his own sister, and who nearly petrified her to death in a very public setting. The shower screen could be ripped off its hinges and she could be done for, forever.
But she doesn't want that to happen. She won't let herself be paralysed by a fear that stems from someone so hateful as Adrian. She might not be brave, but she's better than that.
She rolls her head backwards under the pelting water, welcoming the way it bullies her face, cleanses her skin, cools her down. She takes a deep breath, willing away any negative thoughts. Today is supposed to be a good day.
Gwen and Baz are using that spa weekend now she's out of chemo, Eth has taken Casper to visit Jason, and so the house is empty. It's been left in Adele's care, and she doesn't intend on going anywhere. The farthest she will go is the back garden, and she and Harry will spend the weekend here, alone, talking to no one but each other. At that notion, she smiles.
She jumps at the sound of a bang on the door downstairs, her heart rate back up to an uneasy pace. She quickly shuts the shower off, peering around the screen to listen.
"Adele?!"
She releases a heavy breath at the sound of Harry's voice, carefully stepping out over the side of the bath to retrieve a towel, forgetting one for her sodden hair. Wrapping it around under her arms, she tucks it in and lets herself out of the room, straight down the stairs to unlock and open the front door.
"Hi, sorry," she breathes out, her feet going cold against the hall tiles.
Harry's expression is riddled with concern as he frantically looks her over, stepping into the house when she moves back. "Are you alright, I've been shouting for like, five minutes?"
"Have you?" She asks with a wide-eyed look.
He nods, shutting the front door behind him, and takes a careful hold on her face. "Yeah, had me worried for a bit."
"Oh, sorry." She mumbles sheepishly. "Was in the shower, I didn't hear you."
"What's the matter, you look like you've been crying?"
She had been crying. Overheating at the same time as she sobbed in her greenhouse bedroom. It was why she had to get into the shower in the first place. "Nothing, I just had a bit of a wobble when I woke up. No one was here, was just a bit shit."
Harry sighs, bringing her against his chest. "Sorry. Knew I should've come here last night."
"No, don't say that, I'm alright." She insists, pulling her head back to look up at him. "You needed to go out with Lewis, he needed it. I'm just overreacting, I'm fine."
He presses his lips together tightly, and leans down to press his mouth to hers. "Still think I should've stayed with you."
"I'm a big girl." She smiles, small but genuine. "It's just one day, I promise you, I'm alright."
He narrows his eyes, but the gesture is a little playful. "Alright. What's the plan today?"
"Well," she huffs, turning around to take the first step upstairs, "I don't know about you, but I want to stay here all day. So, whether that be in the garden or inside, I don't care."
Harry chuckles behind her, following her up with a light grip on her waist. "Fine by me."
With no one else in the house, Adele doesn't need to worry about other people seeing her naked, so as she steps into her bedroom she tugs the towel loose and starts drying herself off. She rubs it over her dripping hair until it's damp and a bit fuzzy in places, and then she drops it into her laundry basket.
Before she can even think about putting her clothes on, Harry wraps himself around her from behind. His hands caress her front, brushing his lips against her shoulder and neck. "I missed you."
Adele laughs girlishly, placing her hands on his where they travel her body. "You saw me yesterday."
He releases a breathy laugh, and lightly sucks on the skin just below her ear. "No, I mean I missed you. Like this. Naked."
"Oh..." She frowns, turning in his hold and rests her hands on his chest. "I mean, I'm always naked, really. You know, under my clothes."
He smirks, wetting the end of her nose with his lips. "Yeah, but I haven't seen it."
She reaches up to absently play with one of his curls. "What did you say to me once?"
"I don't know, what did I say to you once?"
"Imagination is a wonderful thing."
His mouth parts scornfully, and a disgusted scoff leaves him. "Using my own words against me like that, how dare you."
Adele laughs warmly, stretching up to wrap her arms around his shoulders, placing soft kisses to the underside of his chin as he refuses to look at her. "Harry,"
He huffs through his nose. "Can't believe you just said that." He grumbles, refusing to look at her.
"Harry," she repeats, still littering small kisses into his chin and jaw.
"What?" He asks stroppily.
"Look at me?"
"No."
Her hand tangles into his curls at the nape of his neck, and she lightly licks his throat. "Please?"
"No." He repeats.
"You've just been complaining that you haven't seen me naked for ages, and now you won't even look at me?"
He blinks lightly, his jaw locking and teeth gritting. He presses his lips together and wrinkles his nose, fighting himself to look at her like she asked. He grunts, giving in. "Fine. What?"
She giggles again, holding his gaze as she sponges kisses around his throat. "You have me now."
"No, I know that, I just wanted you to know-,"
"Harry!" Adele laughs, the sound exasperated.
"What?!" He demands, eyes bugging bewilderedly.
She rolls her eyes, smoothing her hands over his face. "You have me now, so have me."
Realisation dawns on his features, and he blinks as his grip tightens around her. "Oh..."
"Yeah..." She chuckles, bringing his lips to hers.
"Are you sure?" He asks, his hand widely travelling her back as he speaks into her mouth.
"Wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't want to." She mumbles, pulling his lower lip with her upper.
"Okay, fair point."
With a sharp inhale he presses his mouth entirely to hers, gripping her body closely to his. His hands hold her tightly, pressing her front flush against his own. He's hungry for her - elated yet surprised by her suggestion and eager to make the most of it. Once again her body melts into his, unaware of how much she needed him like this until this very moment; until that moment he'd told her he missed her like this.
His well-practiced tongue moves around her own, between soft and plush lips that refuse to let go. It isn't a fight but a dance, the other with just as much want as the former. Both are equally as taken, as keen, as needy.
As Adele's fingers get lost in his soft locks, Harry reaches his hands down, squeezing her bum and then pressing against it so that her crotch rubs against his. She gasps, clinging onto him tighter. She'd climb him if she could, right there in the middle of her bedroom. He growls lowly, repeating the pressure, desperate to taste her helpless breath on his tongue.
Her hands begin to travel, down over his shoulders and chest to his side, gripping the thin white cotton of his t-shirt to push it back upwards. "Take it off."
He grunts, releasing her for a moment to lift his arms up above his head. "All of it?"
She removes the t-shirt entirely, throwing it behind her without a care. "All of it."
He laughs darkly, reclaiming her lips as he fiddles with the button on his shorts. In the next second he's pushing them, and his boxers, down his legs to the floor. She kicks them away, securing herself back around him to resume their sloppy affection.
Harry's hands are back on her arse as hers are in his hair, back to massaging her cheeks and grinding her body against his. They've slowly been making their way across the room to the bed, but it's a tedious and uninterested effort. His length, now successfully hard and bare to the room, grazes against her front, cushioning itself between her legs in the intended place and causing her to make the most wonderful noises.
He spreads her arse cheeks firmly, reaching one hand between her legs to toy with her clit. She gasps again in return, body spasming a little thanks to the unexpected action.
"Fucking hell." She mutters, muscles and joints locking into place around him.
He laughs again, continuing with it while still devouring her mouth. "Like that?"
"Yeah." She breathes, lifting onto the balls of her feet to keep closer to him. "Won't be able to stay stood for long, though."
He hums, cruelly circling his middle digit around her entrance. "'M sure we can fix that."
She sucks three long and harsh kisses from his lips as he winds her up down below, devastated when he suddenly stops. "What are you doing?" She demands when he hooks his arm around her back, turning his face away.
"Please tell me you keep condoms in here somewhere?"
She laughs in a hummed manner, sponging her lips against his cheek heavily. "Top drawer of my desk right at the back."
He snorts, kissing her lips firmly before he completely lets her go. "Smart."
While he digs for a condom, Adele surrenders to her bed, on her back with her legs bent and crossed at the knee. Harry puts the condom on himself to save time, abandoning the foil packet for the moment to return to business.
He knees his way onto the bed, pressing a kiss to her knee before he gently coaxes her legs apart. "Are you ready?" He asks calmly, noting the oddly doting look on her face.
She presses her lips together and nods, eyes warm and light. "Yeah."
He pulls his lower lip between his teeth, gripping his cock around the base with one hand, and the back of Adele's thigh with the other. He eases his way into her at first, lightly circling his hips as he buries further into her tight heat. Soft mewls leave her as his cock stretches her wider, until he's safely nestled into her warmth as far as he can go.
"Bloody hell, you feel good." He chokes, falling forward so that he's resting one arm by her head.
Adele lifts her chin up, catching his lips for her own for a slow and tender kiss. "So do you, H."
He exhales into her mouth as the two of them adjust to one another, the backs of his fingers stroking her round cheek. "I missed it, I won't lie."
She combs both hands through his curls, and then her right down the expanse of his broad, delicious back. "So did I."
"Can have me whenever you want me, you know." He murmurs. "Just need to ask an' I'll be here."
"I want you now." She whispers, brushing her lips against his.
A caught whine leaves him at her confession, and he pushes his lips back firmly to hers. He keeps a hand at the back of her thigh, squeezing and caressing for a moment, before he retracts his hips a little, and then pushes back in.
Adele moans lightly, her body trembling at the feeling of him shifting inside of her again. She resumes their kiss in a rather disconnected effort, distracted by his size and what it does to her insides. It brands her in the most sensational yet unpossessive way, where she knows she's his and he is hers but there's no enforcement to stay, and yet neither of them would think twice about going elsewhere.
Harry's thrust pace increases after a short time, mind lost to Adele; surrendering. She hooks her legs around his waist, a satisfied grunt leaving him at the slight position shift.
The bed frame creaks and rocks with Harry's thrusts, not used to such vigorous activity on it. It makes Adele laugh, breathlessly and into his mouth, but all it does is egg him on to go faster. His hand glides up her side, tentatively and lovingly, until he's found her breast and uses it like a more than satisfactory replacement for her arse. His thumb caresses over her nipple, the action shunted from the velocity at which he moves his hips.
Adele rests her hand on his, her fingertips feeling the veins on the back and applying a little pressure to it. He grunts, devouring her mouth again as he kneads into her breast firmly.
"Fuck, you really do drive me nuts, Ads." He says deeply, voice a mere bassline. "Y'bloody perfect."
"No such thing as perfect." She whispers, returning his kiss with as much effort.
"Speak for yourself."
She giggles, back to stroking up and down his back. "Will you go harder?"
He nudges her nose with his own, pulling back to look at her features. "If that's what you want."
"I do." She insists, cradling his face as she reclaims his lips again. "Fuck me harder, H."
"My God," He growls.
He bites harshly on her lower lip, his thrusts getting heavier and heavier as he keeps his pace. He starts moving his kisses southwards, sucking her chin and then sponging harsh kisses into her throat and against her collar and her clavicle.
Her hands remain knotted in his hair as he wanders her body with his salacious mouth, pulling and twisting it, like pulling the strings on a puppet to manage his movements yet in the least manipulative way possible, knowing he'd probably do anything for her at this point regardless.
Their skin is growing tacky, slapping loudly and sticking like velcro with each move. Light dusting of sweat decorates their bodies in the sweltering room, the open window doing nothing for them, though at this point it's all irrelevant.
"Adele," Harry whispers as he moves back up her body to her lips.
She smiles, never failing to feel giddy hearing her own name falling out of his mouth. "Harry,"
His mouth ghosts her own, his tongue tracing around the inside of her mouth. "Tell me you love me?"
She shivers, her exhake shaky as her lips upturn against his. "I love you."
He growls, returning her with another heavy kiss as his thrusts grow frantic. "I love you more."
Adele whimpers at his admission, and repeats the noise when he pulls back. He catches her wrists when she reaches for him, pressing his lips to each palm.
"Keep them above your head, love."
Her eyes flutter with confusion, but a strange feeling kicks up in her core at his instruction. She does as he says, reaching her hands behind her and holds onto the bed frame.
He pecks her lips once, and then sits back somehow, his gaze now focussing on where their bodies meet with the desperate thrusts of his hips. Gentle groans leave her at the deep way he's now managed to bury himself in her and how his hard thrusts make her feel.
Harry wets his thumb, pressing his fingers against her lower stomach as he starts rubbing tactically against her swollen clit.
"Holy shit!" She gasps, eyes flying open to watch him.
He's still got his gaze down, hair in his face as he works around her. He looks magnificent; radiant and powerful. His arms flex and his abdomen tenses. In that instance she doesn't think she's ever been more attracted to him. And then he looks up, green eyes peering at her through his hair, mouth slightly parted and expression entirely fucked out.
She knows in that very second she'd probably let him do absolutely anything to her, and do anything for him in return.
"Harry, that feels amazing." She pants helplessly, raising her hips a little.
He breathes out, like a despondent laugh, almost. "I'm massively fucked, sweet cheeks."
"Do it, then." She encourages warmly. "Don't hold back on my account."
He swallows thickly, leaning down to suck gently around her nipple. He pairs this with his toying of her clit, and his desperately heavy but waning thrusts, keeping his gaze on her face as she resigns to her own head.
Her cries begin to grow aggravated and stressed, knuckles white where her grip on the bed frame tightens. "God, Harry, I think I'm gonna come."
He doesn't answer, too determined to get her to the state she'd just threatened. He licks the pad of his thumb again, back to flicking it over her clit as he suckles around her nipple and pounds his hips into hers. Her cries get higher in pitch and shorter in length, more sporadic and restless until her body eventually ceases up.
"Harry!" She yells over her release, held hostage by it. The only way she knows he finished too is by the immediate halting of his thrusts into her, and she's clenching hard at the warm feeling that floods her being.
Harry collapses entirely, and she coils around him so that they're completely flush. His lips caress her skin, lightly suckling and nipping around her neck and jaw while they both catch their breath.
"'M so in love with you." He mumbles quietly.
"I know you are." She hums calmly, fingers carding through his curls again. "But it's alright 'cause I'm in love with you too."
He lifts his head to find her lips, the two sharing a long but innocent kiss. "'M the happiest boy in the world, y'know."
"Are ya?" She teases. "That's good to know."
"All 'cause of you."
"I think you give me a bit too much credit, H."
"I don't." He insists. "Mean every word, I'm so lucky to have you."
"I think I come with a bit too much baggage for that." She chuckles.
"Not true. I don't care. Your baggage is my baggage."
She sighs, stroking his face. "I'm too spent to argue."
He pecks her lips, carefully peeling himself away from her. "Good answer. Come on, we need to go clean up."
Adele groans, but rises to a sitting position with Harry's help. They quickly clean up together in the bathroom, before Adele dresses in something suitable for the hot weather and Harry puts his clothes back on. They then set themselves up in the garden for the afternoon, with drinks and food waiting for them whenever they want.
"When do you start going to the counsellor?" Harry asks, lying on his back directly under the sun, barefoot and legs crossed at the ankle.
"Monday." Adele mumbles, too preoccupied tucking into an entire punnet of grapes.
"Do you feel alright about it?"
"Yeah, I think so." She shrugs. "I don't really know what to expect, to be honest. Everyone keeps telling me it'll make me feel better, but I don't understand how."
He rolls his head to look at her, peeling one eye open. "It's supposed to help you understand your problems better and help you resolve any issues that you're struggling with. And they're positive thinkers, so they'll look to help you view things in a better way."
"Well, I'm not exactly pessimistic, am I?" She scoffs around a laugh. "And I know what all of my problems are and where they've come from."
"I think you're being a bit too literal, sweet cheeks." He chuckles. "Sometimes even just talking to a stranger, like an impartial-,"
"Big word."
"-third party," he smiles at her little interruption, "can actually be really helpful, 'cause they've got no judgement and no bias."
Adele frowns, slowly pushing a grape into her mouth. "When did you become so wise in the ways of counselling?"
"That doesn't matter." He brushes his hand. "What matters is-,"
"Have you been to see one?"
"No. What matters is you're taking the right steps to helping yourself."
She narrows her eyes at him as he turns back to face the sky, and pops another grape into her mouth. "D'you want one?" She offers, shaking the carton.
"Yes please." He grins, still looking at the sky but with his eyes closed.
She grazes through the punnet, picking the fattest grape she can find, and gently places it in the crease of his lips. "There y'go."
He carefully parts his lips and sicks the fruit into his mouth, chewing and swallowing. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." She hums, and takes another one for herself.
Talk of Monday reminds her of her other obligation - starting to tie up loose ends for her assessment. She still hasn't asked anyone to be her partner, and she knows Bridgett would never go looking for someone on her behalf in case she ended up with someone she doesn't even know. That never bodes well for an assessment.
With another grape in her mouth, her gaze drifts back to Harry and his completely relaxed demeanour. She inhales slowly, picking the next fattest frappe available and balances it on his lips again.
He repeats his earlier action - sucking it in, chewing and swallowing, his Adam's apple thick in his throat thanks to the angle his neck rests at. "Thank you."
"'S alright." She giggles. "Can I ask you a favour?"
He rolls his head to look at her again, one eye peeled open as he rests his hand on her bent knee where she's crossed her legs. "Will I get anything out of it in return?"
She frowns, gaze drifting for a moment. "Maybe."
His eyes narrow. "What is it?"
"Will you be my partner for my assessment?"
He shields his eyes from the sun with his hand. "Am I even allowed to?"
Adele nods fervently, placing her fruit punnet to one side. "Bridgett even suggested you."
"Hmm..." he says sceptically. "You're not just picking me 'cause you think I'll get offended if you don't, are you?"
She frowns again. "No... you would always be my first choice."
"Oh, good. 'Cause I would absolutely get offended if you didn't pick me."
Adele rolls her eyes. "Fuck sake. Does that mean yes?"
"Yeah, of course it does." He chuckles, squeezing her knee.
She smiles down at him, and leans over him to lightly kiss his lips. "Thank you."
"Pleasure. Need to make sure you get a pass to go back next year, don't we?"
A silence follows, Adele staring at her lap and picking at her nails, nose wrinkling a little at the mention.
"Or... not." Harry laughs once, sitting yo to face her. "What's wrong?"
She purses her lips, picking a piece of cotton off the seam of her dress while she talks. "I've been thinking... I'm not sure if I want to go back next year."
His brows lift, expression still calm. "Really?"
She nods.
"Okay... how come?"
Adele takes a deep breath, meeting his gaze. "I don't really know if I could get any more out of it. I think... for what I want to do with myself in the future, I have everything I need. I have a good job, that I love. I have a pretty solid idea of what I want to do after I'm practiced enough. Going back to college next year just feels a bit... needless."
Harry hums calmly, licking along his lower lip in thought. "Well, that sounds reasonable enough. Can I ask what you want to do?"
"No." Adele scoffs playfully.
He pinches her waist with a scowl. "Cheeky."
She bats his hand away with a smirk. "I thought it'd be really obvious what I want to do."
Harry takes a deep breath, and tips his head to the side. "You want to start a bakery?"
She nods lightly. "I do. I know it's gonna take a lot of work, but going back to college is only gonna rinse my money, not save it. I need to start saving, and I can only do that by working."
"Well, I know Steven wants you full-time anyway."
"Does he?"
Harry nods. "He thought we were doing the same level and you'd be starting full-time from the summer. Think I nearly broke his heart when I told him you had another year left."
"Oh," Adele mumbles, somewhat surprised, "well I guess that's good to know."
He smiles, taking her hand and pulling her towards him. He lies back down, coaxing her to curl up with him, and presses a soft kiss to her temple. "Wanna know what I think?"
"Yeah." She mumbles, peering up at him.
"I think you should do whatever the fuck you want to. If that means staying at college, stay. Or if it means leaving, leave. And I think that whenever you're ready, as long as there's a job for me, you should open up a bakery."
She nudges her nose against his jaw. "The plan was always to have a little decorating studio for you."
"Oh, really?" He beams, his hand stroking up and down her back.
"Yeah. Think I'd be able to do anything now without you?" She huffs. "No chance."
Harry studies her for a moment, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Adele Hahn, you don't need me for shit. You're the most brilliant person I know, and you could have anything you wanted. I'm just lucky I get to watch you do it."
Her lips pout gently, chin dimpling. "I don't think I want to go back at all."
"It certainly sounds like you've already made up your mind, sweet cheeks."
She sighs, nestling into his side. "Thank you."
"For what?" He asks, brushing his lips against her hairline.
"Everything. You've been amazing the past few weeks, and I've not once said thank you." She looks up at him. "So thank you."
He leans into place a kiss to her lips. "You never need to thank me for anything. But it's my pleasure."
~.~.~.~.~
Would like to take the opportunity here to mention how well Life Is What You Bake It did in the most recent 1dcraftawards on Tumblr! I'm very grateful always for the love on this story since it means so much to me on a personal level. Alllll my fucking love <3
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