The Christmas spirit was present in the Howling Commandos' safe house. The week following their first successful mission, the men could be heard singing Christmas carols throughout the halls. Allie, Steve, and Bucky had decided to try and decorate the safe house the best that they could for the holiday. It had included a trip into the closest town together to buy popcorn and string from a local shop.
One afternoon, Bucky happily took to making popcorn strings. Allie had popped the popcorn as he prepared the strings and supplies, and as much as she tried to help, Allie settled into eating a few of the popcorn pieces instead.
"You know, you're eating my supplies," Bucky laughed as he strung one of the garlands.
"Well, in my defense, you have delicious supplies," she smirked and stole another piece of popcorn.
Steve had found a small tree nearby the safe house and had decided to bring it in to act as a Christmas tree. It wasn't much and it wasn't grand, but once Bucky completed the popcorn garlands and Allie helped him put them on the tree, it felt a bit more like the holidays.
"You know, I wish we had ornaments to put on it," Allie frowned with a small sigh as Bucky stood beside her to admire the tree.
"It's okay," he shrugged. "I think it's still a nice tree."
Allie gave him a small smile and went to clean up the table that had popcorn crumbs still scattered on the top of it. As Allie left his side, Steve walked up to take her place. Bucky was still looking over at Allie with a grin that caused Steve to raise a brow.
"Have you gotten her a Christmas gift yet?" Steve asked as he glanced over at Allie who wasn't paying attention.
"Not yet," Bucky admitted with a sigh. "I don't even know where to start with what to pick."
"I'm sure you'll think of something," Steve gave a small shrug.
"Steve, this is the only time that I've been at a loss for what to choose," Bucky's hand came to his temples, rubbing gently as he thought for a moment.
"There's still a few days until Christmas," Steve reassured him. "Besides, I'm sure she still needs to go into town for gifts as well."
Bucky looked to Steve, taking a deep breath and letting it out through his nose. He may not have known exactly what he wanted to buy for Allie, but he knew that he didn't want to buy her anything remotely similar to the things he had gotten for her in the past.
He was sure that the kiss they had shared a week prior had meant something. In the week following their kiss, Allie and Bucky had been regularly finding excuses to sit beside one another, 'accidentally' brushing hands when reaching for the same item, or finding themselves walking to the same places.
Allie herself was worried about what she would buy as gifts for all of the men. She didn't know the other Commandos quite as well as she knew Bucky and Steve, but she was determined to give them something for the holiday. After all, they were all away from their homes as well.
Thinking through ideas of what to do, Allie began to think about what she could do for Bucky. What would she be able to do that would make sense? What would he want this year? A set of footsteps came beside her as she finished cleaning up the area Bucky had made the popcorn garlands.
"So, you can patch a man up, but can't string a garland of popcorn?" Dugan teased with a grin as he stood beside her.
"You'd think I'd be able to string popped kernels, but I can't," she shook her head in mock disappointment. Her fake frown quickly turned to a grin. "If I can be honest with you, I do prefer to watch him make the strings."
Dugan smiled and nodded his head before turning to leave for the kitchen. "I'm sure you do," he teased and left the room just as quickly as he had entered it.
Allie rolled her eyes at him as he walked away, but smiled nonetheless. Jim was the next to walk past her, stopping briefly after noticing her reaching a hand out.
"How is your arm feeling today?" she asked she looked the sleeve of his shirt. She had been checking on him daily since he had been injured.
"It still hurts like hell if I move it wrong, but like I've said, you did a good job," Jim reminded her. Allie was almost convinced she was irritating him every time she asked. "But thank you."
"I'm just checking," she reminded him with a small grin. "You know it's the same as always. Let me know if something happens and it begins to feel worse than before."
"Will do," Jim gave her a small smile as he left in the direction of the living room.
As Allie began to relax after having cleaned up, Steve walked up to her with a smile. "How do you feel about a trip into town?"
"Is this a siblings day or a Commandos day?" she looked over at him.
"Commandos," he began. "Christmas shopping."
Allie nodded and smiled. It didn't sound like a half-bad idea. "Let me change into something warmer and then I'd like a trip out to town."
Walking upstairs and to her room of the house, she slipped inside. Looking through a few of the dresses she had, she chose one of her blue dresses and grabbed a warm coat from her closet. She took what little money she had to spend and placed it in a pouch she kept in pocket of her coat. Walking back downstairs, it seemed that at least a handful of the Commandos had decided that they would also go into town. The others were content to stay behind.
Bucky, Steve, Dugan, and Gabe stood ready at the front door together in their coats as Allie joined them. The small group bid the others farewell as they walked down the sidewalks that led to the shops in town. Dugan and Gabe had been having a debate they quickly brought Steve into as Allie and Bucky walked side-by-side behind them. Allie had wrapped her arm around Bucky's shortly after they had started walking, and even without saying a word, the two were content.
Entering town and looking at the shops around them, the Commandos went in different directions. Bucky parted from Allie as he looked to the shop signs for inspiration. His eyes had settled on the window of jewelry store and he made his way towards after having said goodbye to her.
Allie had noticed a small shop with pencils and papers in the window. Thinking of how he had sat on the couch that night with his sketchpad and pencils, she wondered if she could find him anything that he could use for his art. Deciding to try her luck, Allie went inside the shop.
Walking through the different aisles of papers and pencils, Allie noticed a small set of paints she wondered if Bucky would like. Thinking for a moment, she gathered the small set of paints, a bundle of paper, and a new set of pencils for him. She didn't think it was very much or very grand, but she knew he could use what she had gotten him. Thanking the clerk as he bagged the items, Allie made her way to other shops to purchase presents for Steve and the other Commandos.
Bucky hoped that Allie wouldn't walk outside and see him from the window of the jewelry shop. He didn't know how long he had been scouring through the different pieces, wondering what would be the best choice to purchase. She had earrings and she didn't necessarily wear bracelets. A ring would have been too much, he was violently aware of that. The shop did have beautiful necklaces, and he wondered if she would like them.
He wanted it to be perfect. Just as he began to feel disappointed, thinking he hadn't found anything he thought she might like, he finally saw a beautiful locket. It was silver, the shape of a heart with beautiful rose-like engravings on it. Something within him told him to purchase it, and so he diid.
After his long struggle to find her a present, Bucky walked out to find Allie holding bags from different shops. Noticing him, Allie made her way over just as Steve stepped out of the local general store. He joined them for a moment, looking down at the bags they each held.
"I have the presents that I need," Allie smiled at the two. "I am cold, though. I think I'm going to go back to the house."
"I'll join you," Bucky smiled as he didn't skip a beat with his offer.
"Alright, well, we won't be too long," Steve assured them.
Allie and Bucky both gave him smiles and nods before walking back in the direction of the safe house. They were quiet as they walked, the only sound that could be heard was that of their shoes against the pavement.
Fairly early on as they walked together, their hands had brushed against each other. Bucky had been the one to take the risk as he hooked his pinky around hers. Silently, their linked pinkies turned into fingers lacing together as they held hands. As they rounded the last corner, they watched as the Commandos that had stayed behind began to walk past them.
"Figured we should join in the Christmas spirit out there," Jim shrugged as they walked past and into town.
Allie smiled as she watched the men rushing to the shops as if they would disappear if they didn't join the other at that exact moment. Allie and Bucky continued to walk silently until they returned to the house where they dismissed themselves wrap their respective gifts.
Sitting the gifts along her bed, Allie smiled and looked at what she had chosen. It may not have been anything spectacular, but she felt a warmth as she looked at her present for Bucky.
Her eyes dropping to her hand that he had held, she felt rather pleased.
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After finishing her round of wrapping presents and placing them underneath the tree, Allie found herself at the kitchen counter. Humming carols under her breath, she had pulled a kettle out of a cabinet, walking to the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of milk. Pulling out the rest of the ingredients she had purchased for hot chocolate, she began to boil milk on the stove.
Behind her, she heard the sounds of footsteps on the stairs. After he had wrapped his gift for her, Bucky had chosen to take a shower. He brushed his hair away from his face as he walked into the kitchen, his eyes trained on Allie. Noticing what she had sitting out on the countertop, he smiled.
"How was that shower?" Allie grinned over her shoulder as she noticed his still wet hair along with the way the fresh smell of his soap filled the room.
"Refreshing," Bucky grinned and made his way to stand beside her. "What's all this?"
"I figured hot chocolate might be nice for when the others get back," she gave a small shrug. "And besides, I'd like to have a cup of it."
Smiling at her, he found it easy to lean against the counter and fold his arms across his chest. Allie looked up at him and smirked. Thinking for a moment, she leaned just slightly against the counter herself.
"Well, you're looking rather laidback," she mused as she took in his stance.
"Well, when a beautiful woman is right in front of me," Bucky shrugged his shoulders with a cocky grin.
"Oh? Care to finish that sentence?" she challenged him with a playful grin.
"Well, there's many ways to end that sentence, doll," his face leaned down just a hair, his smirk teasing.
Doll. It was't the first time that Bucky had used the word in reference to her. She remembered a few times as teenagers he teased her with the term. He'd said she'd been dolled up before. It wasn't meant as an insult, and she was well aware of that, but there was something that she didn't like about it. It made her like every other girl.
"Don't call me doll," she frowned and looked away.
"What? Why?" Bucky's face dropped, his arms slowly lowering. Fear that he had made a wrong step coursed through him.
"I don't like it that much," she made the attempt to shrug the moment off.
"I meant it as a compliment," he began to reassure. "A lot of women are called doll."
Allie paused. Turning to him with furrowed brows, her lips turned into an almost hurt frown. Swallowing nervously, she looked him in the eye.
"You see, that's just it," she began. "A lot of women are called doll. Did you call the girls back in Brooklyn doll?"
"Well, yes," he admitted, confusion washing over him.
"Bucky, I don't want to just be another one of them."
"You're not," his eyes widened in pure surprise.
Her frown was still plastered on her lips. She had never feared being just like any other girl back in Brooklyn. Hell, she'd always thought that she may have stuck out like a sore thumb. However, the past month and a half being back in same place as Bucky had her wildly confused, and excited, and worried. She had kissed him not long ago, something he hadn't even mentioned to her. She felt afraid.
"How can I be sure?" she asked, skepticism seeping into her voice.
"What do you mean?" his eyes studied her.
"I mean, how do I know that I'm not like all the others to you?" she took a step towards him. "How am I supposed to know that I'm different than those girls?"
"What?" his eyes widened. "Allie, you've never been like the others to me. I've known you for far too long for that to be the case," he grinned as he tried to make her smile. Noticing her frown, his own lips dropped into a frown. "I don't know exactly what you want me to say."
"Prove that I'm not one of the girls from Brooklyn," she pressed.
"Prove?" he shook his head as confusion settled. "Allie, what proof can I give you? You're definitely not like any of those girls. You couldn't be. You keep me in line. You don't let me get away with things."
Allie thought for a moment before she looked up at him and bit her lip in thought. In the time that they had been reunited, Allie found their time together to be far different than any of the time that they had been around one another in Brooklyn. She'd never thought she had a chance with him in New York. Out in Europe, she almost thought that maybe she did.
"Is that the only thing that makes me different than them?" she frowned. "That night you took me for dinner, and we walked home? And we talked about Coney Island? You said you'd take me, but you took those girls there. You took your dates there. I wouldn't be any different them."
"You're not them," he pressed. "I don't know how to tell you that. You are so damn different that the list is too long to tell you all at once."
"What does make me different than them?" she felt a weight in her chest as she looked up at him.
"The compassion that you have for other people is unparalleled. You have given so much of your time and energy to others and you never ask for anything in return. And inspire of all of that, you're not afraid to protect the people that you love. The first time you met me and threw a shoe at my face? You fighting to protect Jim out there on our mission?
"Allie, you are single-handedly the most badass woman I know and if you were to kiss me like you did that night every night, I—," he paused as he realized the words that had left his mouth. Swallowing harshly, he looked at her. "Well, I don't know what I'd do. You just amaze me every day."
Allie stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. Blinking, her eyes dropped to the floor. Her mind began to race at the mention of the kiss. Thinking quickly of what she could ask, she braved looking him in the eye once more.
"Tell me that I'm not imagining this," she swallowed harshly. "I just need to know that I'm not making something to be there that isn't there."
"Allie," Bucky took a step towards her, tempted to reach out to take her hand, but unsure if it was right to do. "You're not imagining anything. I wish that I had told you how I felt in Brooklyn."
"In Brooklyn?" she blinked, her eyes widening. "Wait, how long have you felt this way?"
"Almost six years," Bucky confessed, convinced that his face was going to turn red at the confession. Beginning to realize why Allie was pressing him with the questions she was, his eyes widened. "Why? How long have you...?"
"About six years," Allie confessed, her jaw dropping as she had to turn away from him. A disbelief flooded through her body before a blinding splash of annoyance. "You have got to be shitting me. God dammit James! Why did you set me up on all of those terrible dates if you felt that way about me?"
"I never thought that you'd actually feel the same!" he countered in surprise. "I figured that if you had found someone, I would have to move on."
"That's stupid!" she hissed. "You never once set me up on a good date. It was like you purposefully set me up on horrible dates, and what's worse? Every time we went on a double or triple date, you had the loveliest girls on your arm!"
"That wasn't my intention—"
"It doesn't matter," she groaned, bringing her hand to rub her temples. "Do you even know how hard it's always been? To try and not be jealous of the girl on your arm? To be envious and still have no reason to dislike them?"
"Allie—"
"It wasn't fair! Why didn't you say something?" Allie's irritation bubbled.
Bucky paused for a moment as he thought. His swallowed before thinking of anything and everything of the past six years. There had been her taking care of her brother, there had been her going to nursing school, there had been her dreams of her future.
"I told you," he kept his voice level. "I never thought you would feel the same, and I wasn't about to lose you because of a crush. Besides, why did you ever say anything to me?"
"What was I supposed to do?" Allie let out a laugh. "Waltz up to you and say, 'Hey Buck, I know that you're one of my best friends, but I'm madly in love with you and I have been since I was eighteen'?"
"In love?" Bucky asked and Allie could have sworn she felt her soul leaving her body as she stared at him in horror. "You're in love with me?"
Allie made the attempt to try and remember how to breathe. She had never even fully acknowledged to herself that that was the only way to describe how she felt for him. Now, she'd poured out her soul in one sarcastic sentence that she couldn't take back.
"Yes," she finally whispered.
She didn't even register what was happening as Bucky silent walked to her, cupping her face in his hands as he kissed her. She was shocked the moment she felt his lips against hers, but found herself quickly kissing him back. These kisses were far different than that first kiss they had shared that night. Allie had never felt a fire in her chest like she did now.
Bucky couldn't believe it. Six goddamn years. He had almost six years before he had been sent overseas that he could have kissed her like this. Every date that he had gone on, every date that he had set her up on, every girl that he had kissed, all of his life in Brooklyn. It could have been her the entire time. He sure as hell wasn't about to continue to make the same mistake.
"That's a damn good thing, then," he said against her lips. "Because I'm in love with you, too."
Allie leaned back just enough that she could look him in the eye. He was in love with her? A small, happy laugh was all she could find herself able to do before she leaned in once more, deepening the kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck as one of his wrapped around her waist, the other finding its way to her the back of her head, becoming lost in her hair.
Heated breaths, the ability to taste more than each others lips, a lack of spacial awareness, the two were completely lost in the moment. Their bodies pressed against each other as they found themselves pushing against the very same counters they had been leaning against a few minutes prior.
A sharp whistle startled them apart. Allie quickly realized that the kettle of milk had come to a boil on the stove. Taking a deep breath, a grin plastered on her face, she turned to the stove and moved to kettle from its burner.
"Hot chocolate?" she offered with a small laugh.
"Of course," Bucky grinned as Allie began pouring the milk into two mugs and stirred chocolate into them.
After a moment, she handed him his mug, her eyes falling to his lips that she could have sworn were just a touch swollen. Her eyes fell to the ground as she took a drink of her hot chocolate.
"I suppose we can't really say that we're friends anymore," she looked up at him.
"No, we can't," he agreed with a small smile. "I suppose I get to say you're something even better than that."
Allie was sure that if she didn't make an attempt to suppress her excitement, she may have felt her lips splitting her cheeks. Placing her mug on the countertop as Bucky placed his beside hers, she felt his hands gently cupping her face once more. He leaned in, leaving a gentle kiss against her lips.
Both smiled into their kiss before hearing the clearing of throats at the archway. Bucky's hands were still on Allie's cheeks as they both turned to look over and saw the other Commandos standing with Steve at the front of the group.
"Are we interrupting something?" Steve asked, his voice thick with awkwardness.
Allie didn't hesitate to look him dead in the eye as she simply said: "Yeah."
Shaking his head, whether from his sister's quip or from embarrassment of catching the two in the position they were in, Steve found himself leaving the room rather quickly. The rest of the men only grinned before they followed him out and left Allie and Bucky alone in the kitchen once again.
"Can I ask you something?" Allie began, watching as Bucky took another drink of hot chocolate and nodded. "Did you really take me to dinner that night as an apology for that last triple date in Brooklyn? I mean, was it really just an apology?"
"I had actually tried to tell you that I was in love you that night," Bucky mumbled, but Allie had heard him.
"So it was a date, then?" Allie beamed at the revelation.
"Yes," Bucky finally admitted.
Taking a drink of her hot chocolate and coming to stand in front of him again, she found her grin growing wicked as she looked up at him. She no longer had to fear what she said. She no longer had to worry. Instead, she made the choice to tease.
"You set the expectations very high now, didn't you?" she grinned. "I look forward to seeing what you come up with next."
Taking her mug with her, she made her way into the living room, coming to sit on the couch and listening as a record had begun to play through the house. From where he stood, Bucky felt a pure happiness. There was no more denying what his relationship with her was.
Even without saying any official words, Bucky and Allie both knew.
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Christmas morning 1943 was one of the nicest that Allie, Bucky, and Steve had had. Despite everything that was going on around them in the world, they were together and they were safe. A few days prior, Allie and Bucky had written home to his family in Brooklyn. They wondered what the response to their letter would be the moment they had decided to tell his family they had finally begun to date.
On Christmas morning, Allie had been the first one to wake up in the house, quickly freshening up for the day before going down to the kitchen and fixing breakfast. By the time she had finally started the coffee for everyone, Steve was walking into the room with her.
"Merry Christmas," he smiled, hugging his sister tightly.
"Merry Christmas," Allie's smile was brighter than it had been in a long time.
Steve helped her by setting the table and fixing the plates of breakfast for the yawning men that made their way into the room. Joyful thanks were said as the men sat down in their seats. Bucky was the last to walk into the kitchen, stretching his arms and making his way over to Allie. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek before pouring himself a mug of coffee.
The entire group was cheerful as they ate. Story after story was told around the table, each person revealing a bit more of their life to the others. Carols soon followed, each one sung more boisterously than the last. Even if they were in a different country, Allie was happy that the spirit was merry like it always had been in Brooklyn.
After their plates were cleared and had been put in the sink, the Commandos walked into the living room where they began to pass around Christmas gifts. Generally, the gifts they gave each other were generally small. Some gave each other cigars or playing cards, and Allie was gifted many boxes of sweets. Steve and Allie exchanged their gifts where Allie gratefully accepted the new photo album that he had gotten for the loose photos she had in her room. Steve inn turn smiled at the new tie that she had gotten him.
Allie and Bucky were the last two to exchange gifts as the others began to smoke their cigars and play cards with each other. Bucky opened his gift first. The pencils and paints that Allie had purchased sat nicely against the fresh paper she had gotten for him as well. Biting her lip anxiously, she looked up at him.
"I know it's noting grand, but—" she began before he cut her off.
"I love it," he assured her, leaning in to kiss her.
A sharp clearing of a throat in the room caused the two to pull back. They looked around and found Steve staring with an almost miffed look on his face. It was almost as if he didn't know how to truly face Bucky and Allie together just yet.
"I'm glad you two like each other, but there will be no kissing right in front of me," he finally grinned and Allie could only roll her eyes at him.
Sitting with her gift on her lap, Allie smiled up at Bucky as she began to open the box. Her smile, which was warm when she was looking at him, melted into a smile of disbelief when she saw the locket. Gently taking it from the box, she looked up at him. He gave her a small grin.
"James," her voice was soft and delicate, different than any other time she had spoken to him.
His eyes locked with hers. She had never used his first name unless she was upset with him. Looking at her, however, it was clear that she was far from upset. Instead, his name coming from her lips in that moment was soft and gentle, full of warmth as a smile brightened on her lips. He quickly returned the bright smile.
"I love it," she leaned in to kiss him, and despite her brother's coughing from across the room, she pressed her lips against Bucky's as her smile was still present.
As the messes that had been made were being cleaned up, Steve looked between his best friend and sister. He smiled at them in relief, knowing that there was no more hanging tension. He had spent five years watching as they made an inch of progress before falling backwards once again. It was nice to see his sister as happy as she was that morning.
With volunteering to cook the Christmas dinner, Allie and Steve soon took to the kitchen and began to prepare the meal. Vegetables, ham, dressing, anything that they would have made back in Brooklyn, the Rogers siblings made the attempt to make for the Commandos. They could still hear the men being loud in the other room, and they both couldn't help but smile.
Eventually, Bucky made his way into the kitchen and was met with Allie shaking her head quickly the moment he began to try and help with the cooking. Looking at her in amusement, he crossed his arms and looked directly at her.
"What?" he asked with a small laugh.
"You'll burn it," she laughed.
"And how do you know that?" he asked with his eyes narrowed.
"Do you remember when Steve was sick and I was exhausted to the point I couldn't get out of bed? And you came over and made me dinner?" Allie asked and Bucky nodded. "It was burnt."
"It was totally fine," Bucky scoffed with a grin.
"It was charred. I could smell it from my room," Steve grinned.
"Oh, I see how it his. Team up against Bucky. Alright," Bucky acted inn mock hurt. He looked over at Allie who was grinning. "It was pretty bad, wasn't it?"
Laughing and shaking her head softly, Allie returned her attention to cooking with Steve. Thoughts still managed to run through her mind as they cooked and served dinner. Even with the knowledge that as soon as Christmas was over, they were back on the hunt for the next Hydra facility, Allie couldn't help but smile to herself. As long as she had Steve and Bucky, she would be just fine.