"Mom do you think we will ever get a bigger house? Like a mansion?" Maleeka asked, swallowing her dinner.
Freezing midair, you slowly placed your fork back down. "A bigger house? Don't you like the house we live in?" You questioned.
"I do, but it would be nice to live in a palace!" She replied, unaware of how incompetent it made you feel as her provider.
"That will be nice. I didn't think we needed a mansion though, but maybe one day I'll have enough money to get a mansion for you."
"What made you think about this?" Your enquired, not really wanting to eat anymore.
"O-oh nothing. I just see a lot of places in this area have mansions." She answered with a somewhat gloomy shadow casted over her eyes. Depicting disappointment.
With morbid silence filling up the room so suddenly, you sighed lightly, losing your upright posture.
"I'm trying Maleeka.." You whispered with hurt woven into your voice.
All you ever wanted to do was create a life where she would be happy and have everything she wanted. However hearing her compare and long for what others have, knocked you straight in the gut. You felt like you were failing her somehow. You were starting to become successful, but it is difficult to create that lavish lifestyle by yourself with a monthly salary. Surgeon or not. You did understand that naturally as a kid, she will want things others have. But, it still hurt, and you were under the impression that what you were providing, wasn't enough for her.
Not entirely getting a response from her, you cleared your throat and forced your warm smile. Desperately needing to change the topic. "Want to go out tomorrow after school? You and me, what you say?" You affectionately asked, stroking her red locks.
Taking another bite, Maleeka nervously held your gaze. "U-uh, I was actually going to go to my friends house again after school. But I d-don't mind cancelling." She lied.
Feeling just a slight disappointed pang in your heart, you shook your head in disagreement. "No, no, don't cancel. I'm glad you made friends already. However, I would like to eventually meet the mother of your friend at least, just so I know what type of people you hanging out with. You are still very young after all missy. " You protectively replied.
Trying to not look suspicious, Maleeka nodded innocently. '' Okay mum, one of the days you can."
With the day aging and a new arising, Maleeka begged Hisoka to take her to the park. However both of them froze. Maleeka in fear, Hisoka out of awe. There you were, seated partially far away from them, staring at the lake that was covered in cherry blossom petals.
"Oh man! I didn't know she'll be here, I'm sorry!" Maleeka covered her face nervously, however the Joker didn't reply. Standing there, he gazed at how gently your hair blew in the light wind. How badly his instinct wanted to force him to take a seat next to you on that ever so lonely bench. Is this how it's going to be now? Was this karma? For him to long for you, just like you longed for him back in high school.
A few pigeons flocked near your feet as you fed them crackers.
How morbid this entire situation was. Being in a park, a family is supposed to be together. Not separated and afraid to approach each other.
Before Hisoka's thoughts could fall any deeper at the sight of you, his daughter's voice mused him out of his head. "Do you want to talk to her?" She asked.
Standing there in silence for the longest of minutes watching the wind blow through your hair. Hisoka's mesmerised world transitioned drastically into an angry hell filled rage with annoyance and jealous.
"I was surprised you actually called." A deep and lazy manly voice spoke.
Looking over at your side, you bashfully smiled up at Yami as he took a seat next to you.
"Oh? Did you not mean it when you said I could call you at any time?"
Lighting a new cigarette, "I meant it." He spoke with the cigarette still securely pursed on his lips. Smoothly letting out the smoke.
"You sounded sad over the phone. And most definitely look sad. Something wrong?" He asked.
Exhaling deeply, "I guess I'm just feeling lonely and that I'm failing my daughter. Could use someone to talk too.." You honestly confessed.
Looking at you from the corner of his chocolate eyes, "Why?" He asked with his usual lazy undertone.
"I don't know..It's just.." You stammered in struggle to find the words.
"..It just feels like things are changing. Maybe Maleeka is merely just growing up and I'm being a typical mother. But she seems so distant from me. She doesn't really talk much to me. And when she does, it's about materialistic things she wants that she never cared about before. Maybe the friends she says she's constantly hanging out with have these fancy things, so it's influencing her. Naturally so. You know better than anyone else how school kids are. I just thought she would start ignoring me, keep her life private, asking for materialistic things, being rude and distant in her teenage years. Not now..It just feels like I'm not good enough for her anymore." You timidly laid out your baggage.
Baggage Yami generously listened too.
"Y/n." His deep brassy voice snapped you out of your little depressive trance.
Whipping your head up to look at him, "Yes?" You acknowledged.
"You are the last person to even consider that you are failing your daughter. Need I remind you of all the sacrifices and struggles you went through to rise her before and while studying?"
Biting down at your lower lip, you averted his eye contact to stare at the lake ducks that were flawlessly gliding over.
"I k-know, but it feels like it's not enough. I'm really trying to make her happy but it.."
Hearing your sentence halt midway, Yami could see you were trying to suppress your tears. Not even tears. A fully loaded mental breakdown. Years and years worth of tears were simmering at the brim of your eyes. You were truly an admirable person for always keeping it together when all you wanted to do was give up and break. Let the black hole that kept chasing you consume you.
Putting out his his cigarette, Yami shifted his seating position to face you.
Smoothly sliding his hand behind your back, Yami gently pushed you against him. "Just let it out for once geez...." His low voice comforted and encouraged.
With a deep hitch in your breath, you instinctively looped your arms around his thick neck and rested your chin on his muscular shoulder - only to burst into long over due tears.
Finally, the tears you were supposed to shed for Itachi, the heartbreak from Hisoka, the struggle to bring Maleeka up and the incompetent feeling you were stricken with now were all released onto this man that was once your ex teacher.
"Mummy is crying.." Maleeka sadly commented. She never once saw her mother cry or seem so vulnerable. You were always so happy and strong willed around her. Maleeka didn't understand. Why were you sad? This was all a new phenomena to her.
"Let's go Maleeka." Hisoka coldly demanded before turning his back to you and walking away.
"W-what? Wait up!" She trodded pacely to catch up to him.
"What's wrong? I'm sorry about asking you to come here. I didn't know mummy was going to be here." Her apologetic self timidly spoke.
"It doesn't bother me. Don't worry about it." He answered with an unbothered but harsh undertone.
Oh but it did. To see you was one thing. To see you in the arms of another man was another. To see you in the arms of a man he knew you had a crush on back in high school was infuriating.
He didn't know whether it was that unsightly image of you in the arms of another man consoling you that ticked him off, or was it the fact he saw you crying.
Hisoka hated seeing you cry..Even though he was the main reason behind her tears 7 years ago.
And to not be the one to comfort your tears anymore provoked him.
He was sure he didn't give a shit about you anymore. Convinced himself you didn't affect him. That he only cared for Maleeka. But seeing you today with another man..Even if it was in a friendly manner, left a sour taste in his mouth. Slowly, inch by inch, Hisoka came to terms that maybe he still had genuine feelings for you after all. After all, he was considering to get back together with you.
And of course he would still care. He created so many memories with you. And, you were the mother of his child. That alone always ensures there's a soft spot preserved for you in his heart.