모든 것이 잘 될 것이라
Today was the day. He's finally coming home after his quarantine. The long wait was over, but I didn't miss him that much cause we basically talked to each other all the damn time. And Haruto really surprised me 'cause everytime I wake up at 6 am, there's a message that's from him to greet me, and I was touched 'cause from what I heard he was never an early bird.
And now, my phone's been buzzing from time to time because Junkyu kept on teasing me saying he knew what me and Ruto talked about, though I don't believe him. Because knowing Ruto, he'll never open his mouth about what's going on inside our chat box.
It was just Junkyu saying it, hoping he could get any information from me. And aside from that, he kept on telling me to watch his cover of Best Part since I actually never had the time to watch it yet. And I don't even have a twitter account, so how can I watch it?
So, I got a different video from him and now instead of focusing in class, I'm just listening to his song while secretly watching the video under my desk.
You don't know, babe
When you hold me
You kiss me slowly
it's the sweetest thing
And it don't change
if I have it my way
you would know that
you are
I bit my lower lip as I stopped myself from squealing. He's so... he's so freaking ethereal. How can someone be so perfect? And his voice, his emotion. It's all so good, and the lyrics' making my heart hurt but in a good way.
But that stopped when the video come to an end. His smile looks so fond, so sweet, as if he was so happy. It's the happiest I've seen him. And I can feel my heart doing a back flip because of that billion dollar smile he just gave me.
But then I remembered that all of these mean nothing. I hate myself because there's this part in me that's hoping he could like me back, but it was so impossible to happen. I'm just a little sister in his eyes. But there's still a part in me that's happy because he only sees me as a younger sister.
I hate myself for being so selfish. I kept on telling myself that I only focus on my dream of debuting inside my very own fable, not knowing that I was also hoping for another thing, and that is to be liked back by the first person I ever had a crush on.
It was weird, for a girl like me to think this way. But maybe it was because I was deprived of the love I wanted, making me want to receive it from everybody I know. But it still sound so childish and selfish.
Why can't I just admit that I also hope that Junkyu would like me too? What is wrong with it? It's natural for us to feel this way, right?
I let out a deep sigh before running my fingers through my hair.
Damn.
I'm really complicated.
Even after class, I was like floating in the air, I couldn't do anything. I was like a zombie that's just walking.
"Ms. Kim!"
I stopped on my tracks when someone tapped my shoulder, making me to look behind my back. It was a teacher from the Music Department. I knew her since she became my teacher too.
"Yes, Ms. Sy?" I asked her, before giving out a smile, making it look genuine despite it being fake.
"Can you hand this to the Dance Department? You see, I'm running late. And you're from that department now, right?" she asked and I nodded.
"Please bring this to Ms. Go, thankyou so much." he said before giving me some papers and then rushing off making me scoff.
I'm from the dance department, but I'm already far from its building. I wanna go home, but it looks like I still need to go back and bring this there.
I let out a sigh when I saw the stairs that I need to take, but just shrugged it off. I got this, then after this I can finally go back to our dorms and rest. Because I still need to meet with Haruto later.
As I was going up the stairs, I was glad to meet Ms. Go so I immediately handed her the papers then rushed down the stairs... not until I bumped into someone.
The worse thing was his juice spilled to my white uniform. I immediately bow down as a way of apologising to him but I wanted to take that back when he whispered something in my ear.
"nice bra, half breed." he said, his tone was as if he's teasing me in a weird way, making me back away. That's when he moved away from me, a smirk in his face as he was walking away, making me want to go and punch him. But I couldn't move, I was shocked- because that joke was so old school, and my bra? What the hell is he even saying?
I was still in my position, and was glad because there were no students that are present, but a girl, her pink hair was what I immediately noticed about her, saw me, she was holding some papers too. Probably she had the same fate as me.
Her eyes widen when she saw me. She immediately took her coat off before placing it on top of my now stained uniform making me lowkey panic, afraid that her coat would get dirty, but it was no use now.
"Girl, are you alright? Who hurt you? And your bra was visible since your uniform is wet." she explained before looking at me and her eyes widen as her mouth let out a gasp when she noticed my red and teary eyes.
"Oh my freaking god! I'm gonna fucking report this!" she exclaimed, and she seemed pissed off and I was glad that there was someone who came to help me, because I was not in my right state of mind right now.
So that's why the guy said I have a nice bra. What the fuck? Why are perverts even alive? Can't they just all die so women won't have to deal with them anymore?
"Don't worry, I'm fine. Thanks for helping me. I promise that I'll return this to you. And I know this might not be the best moment to ask, but I need it, so uhm... What's your name?"
"No problem. Just let me know if someone's bothering you, okay? And oh! It's fine. I'm Lee Aera from the music department."
I smiled at her, a genuine one as I immediately feel comfortable around her even though I just met her today.
"Nice meeting you, I'm Stella Kim from the dance department."
• • •
I was waiting inside the YG café for Haruto, as I promised that I would treat him for his birthday, though we couldn't do it during his actual birthday since he's still on quarantine that time.
"Hey."
I look up, his face then came into view and all I want to do was just cry to him and tell him everything that's bothering me so much. It all took that simple sentence to make me feel so low, insecure and dirty again.
I just can't help but feel sad knowing that a person saw my bra through my wet uniform, and he even called me a half breed. That guy didn't even said sorry. I was angry and frustrated at myself, because despite having a new acquaintance through that encounter, I still wasn't able to defend myself.
It was so true, that it's easy to say that girls who are victims of assault should just have fought back. But when you're in that position, you can't really do anything. It was as if your mind turns blank, and everything just feel so wrong, but at the same time, you can't do anything about it.
I'm sure there are girls who were able to fight for themselves, but I'm sure that there are also a lot of girls who are like me who can't.
And it sucks.
"Are you alright? Hey, byul. Look at me." Haruto said as he cupped my face using his hands but I couldn't. I want to close my eyes to stop myself from crying.
"What happened? Byul, tell me. Please." he pleaded, his voice was almost a whisper, it was going to break any second from now so I tried my best to look at him, but my tears were already falling from my eyes.
One by one they go, until it was like a waterfall.
then a sob.
"Haruto..." I whispered, my voice cracking as I said his name. But I didn't need to say more when he finally enveloped me in a hug. His warm arms providing me warmth and comfort.
My heart was beating so fast, and we were so close, I was almost convinced that maybe he could hear it. I don't even know why my heart was acting as if it wanted to get out of my rib cage. Was it because I was so scared and angry at that guy who did something wrong to me?
Or was it because of the fact that we're hugging? Though, I can't feel any awkwardness between us. It was as if what we're doing now is something we've done ever since. It was so comfortable. I closed my eyes as I rest my head on his chest, while he rests his chin on the top of my head.
This position is making me feel things, but one thing was sure. This hug made me forget even just for a while of all the bad things I had encountered today.
His arms felt like home, it felt so warm.
Home. Home. Home. I chanted inside my head with my eyes closed as I hug him tighter.
It was as if I found my rest in his arms. And I seriously couldn't ask for anything better.
"Shh, I'm here now. Everything will be alright." he whispered. And I believed him.
• • •
After my mini drama and me talking about why I cried, that's when I first saw Haruto getting angry. I would sometimes see him pissed off or not in the mood, but never when he's angry.
And believe me, he's scary.
"Hey, chill! Besides, I don't even know him. And he's right. I'm just a half breed anyway," I whispered the last part, as my insecurity is slowly eating me up again.
I hate how I'm easily insecure, and I hate that I'm easily affected by the words of other people. That's why sometimes I just wish they wouldn't just talk at all so that I could live my life without worrying about what they would say about me.
"I can't chill. He disrespected and hurt you. How can I not get angry? What's his name? We should report him." He told me, and he was dead serious. His jaw was clenching and his fist is almost turning white because of how much he had balled it.
And I wanted to report that guy too, but the problem was that first, I don't have any evidence, and second I don't even know his name.
"We can't. But once I find him in school I'll teach him a lesson," I told him. And I was serious. I shouldn't just let that person get away from what he did. He needs to know what it feels like to be treated and called that way. But at the same time, I don't want to do what I'm thinking because I could feel guilt. But... whatever.
"Okay. I'll trust you on this, but I'm still telling Junghwan to keep an eye on you. And it'll be easy for him since you guys have classes together, right?" he asked, making sure so I gave him a nod before looking down to my fingers.
"And thank God you stopped crying, you look ugly when you cry." he teased me making me threaten him that I'm gonna hit him. But he just chuckled, acting as if he was shielding his face making the both of us laugh out loud.
But then he suddenly became serious before speaking again.
"and please, stay safe. For me?" he asked, almost pleading. His eyes looking at me making me nod my head and that's when he smiled.
"But he's not lying, Ruto. I'm a half breed." I whispered, but I was no longer in the verge of crying. Instead I feel so down and if it weren't for him squeezing my hand every now and then, I might have a panic attack.
"Anyway, enough about me. It should be about you. How are you?" I asked him as I look at his face. He still has this serious facade on, and he wasn't really smiling making me want to just laugh.
"I'm fine. What I'm worried about is you. I know I'm not the type to say sweet things, but I always do just so you could be more confident, and I can't believe a jerk just gotta ruin all the confidence you had mustered from the past months." he said, before pausing as he looks away making me look down on my fingers instead.
"I hate him so much for making you feel so low again." he whispered, his voice was full of hurt, and I almost cried again but I stopped myself. I ignored the heavy feeling in my chest as I look at him.
"So please remember, you're beautiful. Stella. An amazing singer, rapper and dancer. And I can't wait for you to finally realize that, because I did. And I was so amazed to meet you in this way." he whispered before squeezing my hand again, I did the same before giving him a smile.
"And I'm not saying this just because we're friends, okay? I'm saying this because it's the truth." he added.
"Not the birthday boy making me feel as if I'm the special one now. Thanks, Haruto." I whispered back and finally he smiled back.
Won't lie, that made my heart beat faster.
"Where's my gift now?" he asked, his free hand now resting on top of the table as he smirks at me, his face mask no longer on his face since we'll be eating anyway.
"here, I hope you like it." I said before handing him a small gift box, like the ones where you put earrings and other accessories on it.
"What's this?" he asked, but I didn't reply since it felt as if he was talking to himself.
He finally opened the box, and my phone's already fixed to his face, taking a video to have a copy of his reaction to my very first gift for him.
"Wow."
I smiled at his reaction. He was smiling like a fool as he holds the silver necklace close to his neck.
"Want me to put it on you?" I ask him, and he nodded before handing me the silver necklace I gave him.
I happily went behind him, and immediately put the necklace on him. I went back to my chair and I smiled when I saw him now wearing it.
It was a simple silver necklace I bought from bvlgari using the money I have. It was quite expensive, but I didn't mind. Since when it comes to gifts, I love buying expensive and beautiful things for my loved ones.
"Now we have awesome necklaces." I told him before showing him the butterfly necklace he gave me. He smiled at the sight before he lifted his hand up then it slowly moved towards the top of my head then he messed my hair making me close my eyes as I smile.
"Thank you, Hanbyul." he whispered before finally taking his hand back.
"No problem, Haruto."
"Anyways, how's Japan?" I asked him.
"It was still the same. I love my country. I love my family. I missed them so much, it's just sad that it has come to an end." he said before pausing for a minute then he continued, "but at least I have you here in Korea."
and that's how I accidentally kicked him under the table because of him being such a flirt.
• • •
After our mini celebration, we immediately parted ways since he still needs to start a vlive as a gift for his fans because he wasn't able to do a vlive on his birthday.
He even told me to watch his vlive, so I agreed since I don't have anything better to do. Might as well watch him do a vlive, and maybe if he does something stupid, I can use that as a way to pester him.
"You're home. What do you want to eat?" Nari eonnie asked me as she's inside the kitchen preparing our dinner.
"Oh, anything is fine. Thank you for asking. I'll just be in my room." I told her and she just hummed in response.
I ran to the stairs and immediately took a shower before plopping on my bed and opening the link Haruto provided me for his vlive because as much as it's embarrassing to admit, I really don't have a vlive account nor a vlive app.
I took my earpods before I listened to him talk. He talked about his days in Japan, a smile on his face making me smile too. He also talked about his quarantine days making me now frown since it's sad to think he celebrated his birthday alone.
As I was listening to him attentively, he suddenly spoke in Japanese making me pout. I can't understand Japanese that well, and now I can't understand what he's talking about making me look at the comments instead.
"oppa is talking about his necklace."
"he said he's not that interested in butterfly necklaces as of now. instead he would love to collect silver chain necklaces."
I bit my lower lip to stop myself from grinning after I read the comments. This boy! He knew I was watching, and he knew I couldn't understand Japanese that's why he spoke his native language when he's talking about his necklace I gave him.
So I decided to message him to see what his reaction would be.
me: you'd love to collect silver chain necklaces now, eh?
After messaging him, I went back to his vlive and right on time I saw how he opened his phone when it light up. And as if on cue, he looked straight to the camera, a smirk now slowly forming making me roll my eyes at his reaction but still smiling.
I saw him type on his phone, and when my phone vibrated that's when I finally squealed, not able to stop all this emotion that's bottled up inside me after reading his reply. Don't hate me, I'm just a girl who's weak for handsome boys. Cause who wouldn't feel this way if the Haruto Watanabe sent you a message like this?
haruto: dang. you caught me there, sweetheart. ;)
to be continued. . .