Fluttering your eyes open, you tried to refocus your mind on what happened before you blacked out.
'Ah yes, I killed myself.' The coin dropped. 'Is this the afterlife?' You hazily questioned.
However, the longer you were awake, the more focused your senses got. Looking around at your surroundings, you realized you were in a room, facing the window that had the sunrays seeping through.
'I thought you go to hell if you kill yourself?' You internally questioned.
Attempting to get up, you felt a heavy weight secured around your stomach. Peering underneath the blanket, you saw a muscular arm holding you.
Frowning in confusion, you slowly turned around to see who was behind you.
Suddenly the tranquil state of mind you were in shattered into a million pieces.
''No, no, no, no. '' You muttered with a panic stricken low voice, backing up on the bed. Feeling the bed move and you escape from his embrace, Hisoka's golden eyes slowly opened. Breaking from a peaceful sleep he hasn't had in seven years.
''If you are here, I am really in hell.'' He heard you comment in disgust.
''Y/n..'' Hisoka whispered your name in relief, but cautiously to not freak you out even more. Sitting up, he extended out his hand for you to hold, which you slapped away.
''Am I dead?" You asked.
''No. I saved you. '' He replied. Mistake number 1. Hearing this, anger and sadness ran through your blood.
Getting off from the bed, you clutched your hair in a frustrated manner. ''Why would you do that! Hisoka you had no right! It was MY decision!'' You yelled, extremely unhappy.
''I couldn't let you die Y/n'' Hisoka cut straight to the chase. He had a feeling this was going to turn into another argument, however he was prepared. Hisoka wouldn't allow it to get out of hand like last night.
''Hisoka you don't have a say in my life! You lost that right a long time ago!" You said.
Remaining calm, Hisoka got off the bed and held your gaze. ''Fine. Never mind me. I couldn't let Maleeka have no mother Y/n'' Hisoka involved your daughter.
Seeing you frown deeper, Hisoka could see that you weren't fazed by their daughter's name.
''I don't care about her anymore. I'm done. I'm tired! I killed myself because I decided to let go of everything! I let go of all my love! How dare you get in my way!" You screamed back through your hot frustrated tears.
Standing their dumbfounded, Hisoka stared at you in utter shock and disbelief. Did you just say you don't care about their daughter anymore?
''Y/n you don't mean that.'' Hisoka stated, unable to comprehend this.
''You fucking take care of her now Hisoka because I am done! I don't want anymore responsibilities! Catch up on the 7 years you missed huh?'' You remarked back before walking out of the room. Hisoka hot on your trail.
''I don't believe you. You would never abandon our child. '' Hisoka commented, still following you down the stairs.
''Oh? I won't? Why not? You and I have always been similar haven't we? Just like you abandoned us, I am ditching the two of you for good! I'm sick and tired of life. I got no more will in me to continue looking after or loving people! Especially when all they do is betray me. She wanted to be with you so badly, she can stay with you for good.''
Gently grabbing your hand, Hisoka stopped you. ''Y/n, I am willing for us to try again. We will do it the right way this time. Don't leave please. '' Hisoka spoke in a calm manner, trying his best to not provoke you.
Yanking your hand out of his hold, you started to psychotically laugh. ''News flash Hisoka, I don't want to try again. Incase you haven't noticed, I ditched all my emotions last night. I truly don't give a shit about anyone anymore.''
Walking passed and ignoring everyone that was downstairs, you continued to walk to the exit.
''Y/n..'' Hisoka almost pleaded after you. How out of character. But people are bound to change after so many years. Especially after realising things he was supposed to realise years ago.
Opening the door, you calmly turned around and burnt your irises into his. "Everything and anything about you and this life is toxic. I want out. I cannot handle all the bullshit that comes with this. '' You swayed your hand to your surroundings. The mansion. The illegal dealings. His friends. Him. And your daughter that was apart of Hisoka. Something in you just snapped last night.
"I mentally and emotionally can't do this anymore with you Hisoka. I'm tired of toxicity. I'm sorry." You said.
"Fuck you and fuck our daughter."
'I thought your love was forever..' Hisoka mentally recalled to seven years ago, talking to you at Bluelane Cafe.
"I know there's Maleeka, but I just don't care anymore.. I'm tired.. I just want to be alone from now on." Postnatal depression was truly kicking in this time.
"Thank you for financially being there for me. You got me my degree, and I'll forever be grateful for that. I'm sorry Hisoka.. Enjoy your life and take care of her." You added, leaving him more shell-shocked.
"Don't leave. I need you Y/n. We can fix this." Hisoka uncharacteristically wore his emotions on his sleeve. Maybe apart of him knew this goodbye felt more final than the last. He couldn't let you walk out the door the second time..
You stopped loving. Something that was supposed to be impossible for you. This was definitely goodbye.
"And I needed you seven years ago Hisoka, but I didn't get that. You are not going to get it either. I'm not going to be selfless anymore.. I'm done trying to make people happy. No more." You curtly replied before walking out the door completely.
Standing in front of a closed door, Hisoka's world froze in time. He mentally and physically couldn't process what just happened. He could've lost you physically to death, but he lost you emotionally. Both equally hurt like hell.
Only until now he could understand what you must of felt when he kicked you out. This feeling was both heart and soul crushing. Feeling unwanted. Rejected. Unloved. Damn..
Extending his one arm to hold the door, Hisoka looked down at the floor, feeling utterly defeated. He just had you in his arms a few minutes ago. He finally had you in his arms. Finally had you by his side. He instantly felt at home and at peace after seven years. Now you were gone. How deluded he was to think you would love him forever.
"Hisoka.." He heard Sabastian utter his name next to him. Not getting a response, he slid his arm underneath his to get him to look up.
However for the first time in history, Hisoka held onto Sabastian's arm and transitioned into a hug. Standing there gobsmacked and frozen, Sabastian looked passed Hisoka's shoulder to look at the others that were staring at this odd phenomena.
Sabastian knew Hisoka reached a new level of pain if he sought out comfort. Unfreezing, Sabastian brotherly hugged him back.
"She's gone for good Sabastian. You were wrong..." He heard him murmur. Resting his forehead limp against Sabastian's shoulder. One could see the physical he was in pain.
"..."
"It's not over between you and her. You are just going to have to win her back Hisoka." He attempted to assure.
With a pregnant silence filling out the room, Hisoka elevated his forehead off Sabastian's shoulder but averted his sorrowful gaze into nothingness.
"You heard her. She's completely done. Y/n even left Maleeka. It's passed the point of no return." He weakly replied.
Gripping supportively onto his shoulders, "Hisoka, she is merely in a bad space. Time changes a lot of things."
Before any continuation of the conversation could proceed, a loud thud that could be heard among the light roars of thunder came from outside.
Concerned it was you, Hisoka opened the door.
Golden orbs widening in fear, Hisoka ran over the wet tiles that were slightly stained with blood to reach you. Kneeling down to your unconscious body, he lifted you onto his lap.
"Y/n?" He whispered with a scared undertone, afraid death manage to find you again. Pressing his fingers against your neck, a wave of relief washed over him upon feeling your beating heart. It was just a clusmy fall thank God because of the rain.
"Is she okay?" Standing by the door frame, Sabastian asked.
Picking you up bridal style, Hisoka looked down at you thoughtfully. Unfortunate you fell, but Hisoka was low key happy that he got to hold you again. Spend more time with you, even if you were unconscious. That alone depicted how extensively he longed for you.
"Yes. Just a bad fall." He murmured, bringing you back inside and into the bedroom. Obviously he could just leave you there outside in the rain because of what happened.
Tending to your mini injury, Hisoka dried your body and hair. Lastly changing you into one of his sweatpants and shirt Sabastian ended up bringing over from his house when he was gone. Hisoka wasn't ever going to let you wear another man's clothing but his, even if it was just Grimmjow's clothing.
Sitting on the edge of the bed next to you, Hisoka couldn't help continue to stare down at you. He didn't want to stop seeing this beautiful face. The only face he was incapable of growing tired of.
He couldn't handle not seeing you ever again. Seven years was torture. A lifetime will be merciless hell.
Sighing, Hisoka peeled his gaze off you and onto the ominous gray sky.
"If only a God existed. I could use a second chance."