That same light knocking wakes you up in the morning. Groaning, you pull your pillow over your head and try to go back to sleep, ignoring whoever stands outside your door.
*Knock* *Knock*
"What?" you growl, throwing the pillow aside.
The door opens slowly, and Loki steps into the room. Hands clasped behind his back as he stares at you.
"What do you want, Loki?" you ask quietly.
"We prepare to ride for Asgard. Thor sent me to fetch you."
You let out an exasperated sigh and collapse back into bed, curling up in your blankets. After a moment, you feel a warm, tingling sensation as your body begins to levitate, the blankets sliding away as you're lifted from the bed in a glow of green.
"Loki!" you shout, frustrated. "Put me the Hel down! This isn't fair."
"Who says I like to play fair, darling?" he smirks.
You thrash around for a moment as Loki walks closer, moving you to the floor. As you kick the blankets from you, a small flutter catches your eye.
But it catches Loki's too.
The photograph. You had fallen asleep holding it.
You watch as the world seems to move in slow motion as Loki bends down to pick it up.
"LOKI STOP!" you shout.
But it's too late.
You fall from the air landing roughly on the ground as Loki's seidr disappears. You stand quickly as Loki stares, horrified, at the photograph in his hands. His face is contorted in confusion, fear, and disgust.
"Loki, please," you beg softly. "I can explain."
But Loki simply looks up at you in horror, and disappears in a flash of green as the picture floats to the ground.
"Oh shit," you say out loud, panic surging through your body as you run over to where he stood, grabbing the photo from the floor.
Without even bothering to change from your pajamas, you lean into your seidr and in a flash of blue you're outside on the palace steps, searching frantically for Thor and Fandral. Luckily, you spot them at the bottom, already mounted.
"Thor!" you scream, tears running down your face. You start running down the steps.
He and Fandral both look to you, confusion on their faces as they see you in your pajamas.
"My lady? What has happened?" Thor says, sliding from his horse and quickly taking his cape from around his shoulders, draping it over you.
"H-he...I...Loki he saw," you stammer, hyperventilating, unable to speak.
"Sister, please, I can't understand. What has happened?" Thor asks again.
You simply extend a shaking hand to Thor, holding out the photograph for him to see. Thor takes it and looks at it, wide-eyed, before looking back at you.
"He saw this?" Thor asks.
You nod and let out a sob, your knees going weak as Thor catches you, holding you steady.
"He saw it and-and just d-disappeared!" you cry. "Please, Thor, please you have to find him."
"Fandral!" shouts Thor. "Inform the Kings."
Fandral nods and hurries up the steps to the palace. Thor, meanwhile, picks you up bridal style and begins walking you back inside the palace.
"We will search the realm, my lady," he says quietly as he carries you towards your chambers. But you begin to wriggle in his grasp, and he sets you down.
"I have to help," you say frantically.
"No, my lady. Every guard will search and I will lead the effort myself. But sister," Thor says, using his thumb to wipe away a tear. "There is nothing more you can do but wait."
You begin to argue, but Thor's firm expression quiets you, and you agree. Taking his arm, Thor leads you back to your room where he kisses your cheek, then leaves you alone to await news of Loki.
You wait.
And wait.
The seconds pass slowly, the minutes even slower. You pace and wring your hands. The crying comes and goes over the hours but the nausea remains. As the sun finishes rising and hangs in the afternoon sky, you pace from hearth to bed to window to bookshelf and back to the hearth.
You can't bring yourself to do anything other than worry. And as the light of day begins to fade, you find that your panic grows.
Until finally Thor's knocking prompts you to race to the door, throwing it open. But his tired face and crestfallen expression causes the bile to rise into your throat as you choke back anxious vomit.
"You can't find him," you whisper in a broken voice.
Thor pushes past you gently, and collapses in a chair near the hearth.
"I have lead the search all day," says Thor, clearly frustrated. "But he is nowhere to be found. I do not know if he is even in Vanaheim any longer."
"This is all my fault," you say weakly.
Thor sighs and beckons for you. You cross to him and crawl into his lap, your legs hanging over his as you lean onto his shoulder, silent tears wetting the edge of his cape.
"You were right, my lady," Thor says quietly. "I thought that maybe if my brother just knew, that he'd...well, I did not expect this reaction," he says quietly.
"So what do we do now?" you ask, your voice breaking.
"King Njörðr has commanded no one leave the city until Loki is found. So we remain, and continue our search."
"Thor I...I can't stay here," you say, your voice wavering as your lip trembles. "Loki he...he won't ever come back to me," you say choking back a sob. "So I need to go home. To my son."
Thor lets out a sigh.
"I will speak to His Majesty tomorrow morn, and see if I can't convince him to let me return you to Asgard."
"Thank you," you whisper.
Thor holds you gently as you become consumed with an overwhelming hopelessness.
"Thor, I'm sorry," you say quietly. "I'm so, so sorry."
Thor remains quiet, and simply starts running his fingers through your hair. He knows that no matter what he says, you will continue to feel the burden of blame.
After a few minutes Thor stands, carrying you in his arms to your bed and placing you down gently.
"Rest, little sister. We will leave early tomorrow to return you to Asgard."
You nod as Thor kisses your forehead and leaves your chambers.
You toss and turn, trying your best to get comfortable. First, you find yourself too hot, and use your seidr to change into a light white nightgown, the thin straps helping your body to cool. But soon it's the nausea in your stomach that keeps you up, and after a few hours you slide from your bed, and make your way to the window to look out upon the gleaming silver city below.
You press your forehead against the cool glass, willing it to sooth your upset stomach. But it doesn't help.
You look out across the city, watching the dancing lights from the braziers that line the city streets and you wonder if Loki is out there somewhere. Right now.
Lost in thought, it takes you a moment to feel that prickling sensation on the back of your neck. But once you recognize it, you gasp, and turn.
There, in the shadowed corner of the room, you spot Loki's silhouette bathed in darkness. So dark you can barely see him.
"Who are you?" you hear his voice call to you as he steps from the dark, the gentle moonlight from outside your window helping you to see his pained expression.
"WHO. ARE. YOU?" he demands once more, the vein in his forehead throbbing as his jaw tightens.
"I've told you, Lo," you say quietly, trying your best to give him space as you stay near the window.
"No. You haven't," he seethes, advancing on you quickly and grabbing you around the neck, pushing you roughly up against the cold glass.
You choke slightly as Loki tightens his grip, his lip curling and his eye twitching slightly as he snarls at you, staring into your eyes.
"Loki," you choke out as your hand flies to his, trying to pry his fingers from around your neck as you struggle to breathe.
At the mention of his name, Loki recoils and lets you go and you fall to the floor, gasping for air. You breathe for a moment, trying to catch your breath, but Loki yells at you once more.
"WHO ARE YOU?"
You stand and face him defiantly, not willing to let his act of aggression intimidate you.
"Who do you think I am?" you spit back, tears streaming down your face.
Loki's eyes flare as his fists ball at his side and he begins to pace in front of you, never taking his eyes from you.
"Answer me plainly, woman," he snarls.
"You know who I am, Loki," you retort, partially begging, partially yelling. "I know you do."
Loki's anger falters, and for a moment you see within him doubt. Fear.
"Why?" he asks.
"Why what?"
"Why were you there? In the healing ward when I woke. At my bedside," he asks. Your heart leaps when you realize that his voice has lost all virility, replaced instead by insecurity. Anxiety. Dread. "Why did you insist on paying so many visits to my cell?" he says, his tone growing more frantic as you watch tears begin to well up in his eyes.
"You know that answer, Loki," you answer.
Loki's gaze finds yours, and he advances on you once more, taking your hand.
"Why do you paint yourself in my colors? And make ribbons of my clothing?" he says, his voice breaking as his tears begin to fall. "And why do I feel so damn angry when you aren't nearby?"
Your let out a stifled sob as you see how lost he is in a sea of confusion and anger of his own making.
"Loki," you breathe out between your tears, taking a step closer and raising your hand, placing it gently on his cheek.
"Why?" he sobs, leaning into your touch. "Why do I feel like I know you? Like I need you?"
You shake your head, unable to speak, scared of how he might react to anything you say.
Suddenly, Loki pulls away from your touch, pushing you backwards as he begins to pace, his eyes darting about as tears fall freely from his cheeks. He is growing manic as he paces.
"How did you make that?" he says angrily, accusatorily.
"Make what?" you ask, confused.
"THE PICTURE!" he roars, turning to face you.
Your brows knit together in a desperate confusion as you simply stare at Loki, mouth agape. But Loki buries his hands in his own hair and begins pacing once more, mumbling to himself.
Your heart breaks as you watch him breaking down.
Hesitantly, you take a few steps towards him before standing in his path and placing a single hand on his chest.
"Loki, please," you plead, using your thumb to lightly brush away the tears that rest on his cheek.
Loki's eyes search yours before they drift down your neck to your shoulders. You watch as his face contorts once more into confusion. His fingers drift to your shoulder, and you shudder as he lowers the strap of your nightgown. You gasp lightly as his hand drifts over the puckered scar on your collar bone - the one his Jötunn lips left only weeks prior.
"I didn't make it, Loki," you whisper, your hands on his chest, his fingers caressing your scar. "That picture was taken only a few weeks ago," you say.
Loki's eyes snap to yours as he takes a step away, recoiling as if slapped.
"You...you're lying," he says, inhaling sharply.
"No, Lo, I'm not," you beg, taking a step towards him. But Loki steps back.
"You're lying!" sobs Loki once more.
"Loki, please," you plead.
"YOU'RE LYING!" he screams.
"HE'S YOUR SON!"
Loki freezes, then staggers backwards, grabbing the wall for support. You can see his emotions are coming unraveled as his breathing grows rapid and shallow and his eyes dart back and forth. He's breaking. He's vulnerable.
Now is your chance.
"I'm sorry," you whisper as you close the distance between you, placing a hand on his face.
Loki looks at you, confused, but you close your eyes, and force a genetic link.
You can feel Loki fighting you as you fall inside his mind, but you're stronger than him right now, and you fight through his barriers. You're in his mind before he knows what's happening.
Glancing around, you're shocked to find that the brilliant, clean, organized mind you had seen before is crumbling. While it seems that most of his mind is still intact, you've landed where there is no light.
In the broken place.
Shards of shattered memories float by in the dark, covered in a thick grey haze.
You can feel your own heartbeat speed up as you realize that these strange, hazy shapes floating by are his memories.
The missing memories.
You let out a sob as you realize that they're still here. Inside his mind. You reach out to try and grab one nearby, but the moment your fingers graze the edges you feel Loki trying to pull you from his mind. You fight, desperately reaching for that single, gray shard. Your fingers grasp the edge, but before you can grab onto it Loki drags you from his mind, and your link is broken.
You blink several times as a splitting pain in your head causes your vision to blur. But as things come back into focus, you realize you're on the floor, staring up at an enraged Loki.
"Liar," he seethes, towering over you.
"No, Loki, just listen," you plead, trying to stand. But you're still dizzy from the forced termination of the link, and you fall back down.
"You...You deceived me. To get inside my mind," he says through gritted teeth, letting out a bitterly angry laugh that sounds more like a cry. "You manipulated me. On whose command? My father's? ANSWER ME!"
"No, Loki I swear...I wasn't-"
"Idiot woman," he hisses. "I should have known you were lying from the beginning. Mortals cannot bear the children of the Jötnar," he sneers.
"It's not a lie, Loki I...I swear to you. I-I...I love you," you sob, reaching out for him.
But Loki steps away, staring down at you in disgust.
"You have made a dangerous enemy here today, little spy," he spits. "All of this will have been for nothing."
"Loki, Loki please!" you sob, reaching your hand out to him. "LOKI NO!" you cry as he disappears in a flash of green.
"NO!" you scream.
You bury your head in your hands and let out an ear-piercing shriek of rage and anger.
Moments later, Thor bursts into your room and crosses to you on the floor, taking your shoulders and shaking you gently.
"Y/n! Y/n?!"
But you can't form words in your hysterics.
Moments later, a myriad of unsettling trumpets and other horns blare from somewhere inside the palace in a frightening and dizzying pitch.
Thor stands from your side and runs out into the hall, returning only moments later to your side.
"Sister, I know not what has happened to you, but you must calm yourself enough to speak."
The urgency in his voice frightens you, and you take several deep breaths.
"Loki...he...he was here," you choke out through your sobs. "I tried to explain and-and-and I saw the chance to...Thor I linked with him and they're there. His memories are there!" you cry out.
"Sister, what happened to Loki? Where did he go?"
"I don't know," you say helplessly. "He was furious he...he called me a liar and said I manipulated him...that I made an enemy and then he was just gone!"
The blaring trumpets and horns grow louder as you hear the jostling of metal armor and men running through the palace corridors.
"What's going on?" you ask.
"The Tablet," Thor says. "It's gone. Sister, I know it is unfair of me to ask this of you, but we need your help."
"Thor I can't," you say, shaking your head.
"Yes, yes you can," he says, pulling you to your feel. "You can and you must. Focus, my lady."
You nod, sniffling and choking back tears as you twist your silver bracelet, letting your suit materialize in place. You dash to the dresser and secure Loki's weapons belt around your waist before shoving the picture of Loki and Anthony back in your suit pocket.
"Good," says Thor, placing one hand on your cheek as you continue to sniffle, trying to control your breathing. "Stay strong for me, little sister."
You nod, and follow Thor as he takes your hand, leading you to the Vault. You find Fandral, Freyr, and Njörðr surrounded by the Einherjar and galdramenn.
"Thor," says Fandral, breaking away from the Kings who are in deep, and angry discussion.
"Tell me, friend," says Thor somberly.
"The sorcerers say it was Loki."
Your breath catches in your chest as you inhale sharply.
"He was given the blessing upon arrival, and therefore permitted to enter the Vault. The galdramenn were suspicious, but had no choice but to let him through. Once his hands were on the Tablet they say he disappeared, taking the Tablet with him."
"Oh gods," you breathe out, a sudden pain in your chest causing you to stagger slightly, grabbing onto Thor's arm for support.
"My lady?" Fandral says, looking to you, concerned.
Your heart races as a sudden, horrible truth dawns on you.
"He's taking it to her," you say.
"To who, my lady?" Fandral asks.
"To her. To Amora."