~11 months later~
Shiina Kisaragi's POV:
Rin had gotten extremely possessive these past couple of months.
And a great deal touchy-feely.
"I know we haven't seen each other in a hot minute, but I have to breathe eventually."
In spite of my protests and flails for liberation, Rin's embrace never waned. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, tugging me closer, tighter.
"Shii, tell me you love me. That there are no other guys. That it's only me."
"You ask this every time we see each other. And each time I reassure you the answer's yes. To all three."
He withdrew, bestowing my lungs the opportunity to re-inflate. His eyes, gold like antique jewelry, reflected overwhelming unease.
"The last time we'd been apart long, you told me you had no idea we were dating then scared me by saying you hadn't thought of me like that and to give you time to reconsider."
. . .So this was the byproduct of my insensitivity.
It explained why he never went longer than a few weeks without finding some excuse to spend time with me or have me visit him. These incessant, apprehensive inquisitions, affectionate coddling, and requesting I drop his infantile nickname, came hand in hand.
"Was it that traumatizing?"
"Yes."
His resolute answer summoned a half-smile to my lips.
"If the roles were reversed, I'd be insecure too. I'm high in demand."
"Shii."
"I'm kidding, Rin." Aware that sarcasm wasn't appropriate, I levelled his stare. "I love you. Nobody compares to you. Nobody ever will. Our entire lives, you've been my only star. I promise."
His bottom lip extended into an awed pout.
Briefly, though.
"A five out of ten," he said. "Maybe a six for corniness."
I clicked my tongue.
"Wait. Let me try again. I'll woo you to at least an eleven—"
"You're incorrect, Miss Shiina."
The sharp interjection allowed my heart to leap to my throat. At the entrance of Rin's dressing room stood his manager. Black suit, tight skirt and glasses, Mrs. Junpei was the image of a perfect office lady.
"Mr. Rin is supposed to be the one doing the wooing," she added, brusquely. "To his fans."
Her hawk-like stare ebbed at my composure. Me and Rin's current position settled in, his grip around my waist, bodies too close for comfort. Cheeks ablaze, my attempts at detangling myself failed when Rin enclosed me in his warm arms for the second time.
"Shii's my number one fan."
She sighed in reply. "There's been a shift in schedule. The opening act couldn't make it. You're wanted on stage."
"Five more minutes?"
"Now, Mr. Rin."
He bloated his cheek with air on cue. Then, released me from his clutches. I reassessed his flashy stage attire, blinding sequins a complement to his striking physique. Whoever his stylist was did a fabulous job of bringing his hotness to the next level.
By way of an eye roll, Mrs. Junpei motioned with her hand. An exaggerated sigh in tow, Rin swerved in my direction.
"Sorry, Shii. I thought we'd have more time before I had to go on."
"It's all right." Ignoring the heaviness in my gut, I smiled. "Your work is demanding and unpredictable. That's nothing new. Besides, I came here prepared to cheer you on at any time. I'll be screaming the loudest from the front row!"
"Aww! I have the best girlfriend!"
"Mr. Rin."
Mrs. Junpei gripped his forearm before he could swoop in for another hug and was already yanking him out the door. Beaming extravagantly, he winked and blew an air kiss.
"I'll meet you in our usual spot afterward. Wait for me! Oh, and make sure to catch every angle of my brilliance! I'll put on the best concert for you, Shii! Just for you, my favourite girl—"
The door slammed after his manager tossed me one final glare.
I had an inkling something was fishy from the moment Rin texted me very shady instructions to sneak me into his dressing room without anyone noticing. Evidently, Mrs. Junpei didn't approve of our rendezvous. Not that she was favourable toward me from the day I officially started going out with Rin.
Nobody was particularly fond of the prospect of the hottest idol in Japan being taken.
"Rin! I love you!"
"Make me your prisoner!"
"No, me! Love me all night long!"
. . .His fans were wild, per usual.
I ignored the suggestive screams that pervaded from the small screen located at the corner of the room and watched the camera follow the thousands upon thousands of fangirls cramped inside the venue. They extended far beyond the building, out into the city streets as well. All hauling colourful signs. Swaying glow sticks. Chanting his name.
The sheer chaos, this uncontrollable love for him, bristled my arms in goosebumps.
I assured myself there was nothing about Rin's fame that could throw me off guard, but after all, it was overwhelming. Possibly because he hadn't changed fundamentally from when we were younger it was easy to forget just how large his magnetic pull had become.
. . .My band with Toru, Sena and Yunoki. Would a future where we reached this level of acclaim ever arrive? In my opinion, no matter how hard we worked, we'd never get this lucky of a break.
Rin's flair was one in a million.
The melancholic sentiments I convinced I'd enshrouded bubbled to the surface of my heart.
What was I getting all disheartened for? Rin had been popular for as long as I could remember. Each year, his charm grew more and more defined, and each year, more and more girls flocked to gush over his literal existence. Him being an idol only made it easier for the female population, far and wide, to ogle his every action, every word.
He was incredibly possessive of me and didn't let other guys so much as glance in my direction (granted, the last time he allowed it I ended up in an awkward reverse harem. . .), yet it was perfectly all right for every girl across the country to glance at, and more than glance at him? Sure it was out of obligation but he could tone down his flirting toward them, couldn't he?
I couldn't recognize myself: giving into my jealousy the way I was. Nevertheless, my insecurities kept piling. Due to the rules of his company, he wasn't allowed to publicize his romantic relationships—date, in general. The idol 'Rin Mizota' was for everyone, after all.
A nobody like me became his girlfriend but I wasn't allowed to call myself that in public. Our daily lives remained vastly separated.
We couldn't have been closer. We were the closest we'd ever been. Yet my Rin was still far, far away.
✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧
Rin Mizota's POV:
"What were you thinking?" Mrs. Pei hissed when we arrived backstage, my fans squealing for my arrival outside the tall curtains. "Inviting her here—into your dressing room. At a public event?"
"I invited her friends Kiharu and Tsumugi too."
Others sped to and fro, prepping my microphone and complementary equipment.
Mrs. Pei hissed in a low enough tone nobody could overhear. "I know you care for her a lot, Mr. Rin, but you have to consider your reputation. If somebody catches you two spending time together as often as you do, a scandal will come out that'll put your career in jeopardy. You know how nasty the media is. If they find out you're dating, not only you, they'll rip her to shreds."
It was a lecture I'd heard daily.
Idols were to remain a fantasy their fans could project onto. The public had to be allowed to imagine a chance to be in a relationship with me, without any random girl entering the picture.
But Shii wasn't a random girl.
Since we started dating, I had her endure a lot for my sake. I hardly spent time with her due to my compacted schedule. Those little gigs she did with her band here and there, I could rarely attend them. And whenever we did spend time I had to wear disguises and ultimately lay low which limited our options.
In front of Mrs. Pei and close co-workers, I could boast about her, but per contract, the general public could never find out. I was never allowed to outright use the word 'girlfriend' either.
In the past, when I visited her school, it was pure luck her peers buried the incident behind the veil we were 'childhood friends' and nothing more. If the news did reach any media outlets, it was exchanged with more important pop star scandals. That entire incident was buried before long.
My fanbase had grown larger since then. The majority weren't forgiving to the female idols I was forced to smooth talk on screen. Week after week they "shipped" me with new celebrities knowing full well that 'Rin Mizota' was for everybody. Week after week, I was asked if I had someone special and each time I was left no choice but to laugh it off and hold my tongue.
I petulantly made a face. "Cheapskate. What's there not to like about Shii?"
"It's not a matter of whether I dislike her or not. This is for the longevity of your career. Although the president allowed you to secretly date—which goes against your very contract, might I add—if you continue to be reckless, the truth will come out. Do you want to lose everything you've built up to this point? Think about Miss Shiina. If, because of her, you lose your one chance at being an idol—"
"If I lose everything simply because I love her, I can always restart."
"Mr. Rin."
"If it wasn't Shii—if I was dating a fellow celebrity—we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?"
Mrs. Pei's frown served as an answer.
"If you understand that, do a better job at keeping your relationship under wraps," she finally said. "Now, prepare to smile until your cheeks fall off. An idol must keep face even during times of strife. Having you stumble your image in front of your fans is out of the question."
I gnawed the inside of my lip.
"You're on," the stage director prompted.
Burying my murky emotions behind my trademark grin, I followed the cues and made my way on stage. The deafening shrieks, which typically filled me with undeniable jubilation, waned at this moment.
Since when did conversations turn into choosing between Shii and my ambition?
As I desperately wanted to follow in my late dad's footsteps who was a musician, I spent the majority of my free time singing or dancing. It was something I wanted to do, yet our moms signed both of us up for vocal and dance lessons together. Shii could've quit at any time. In fact, I assumed she would. But she stood by me through all of that. Whenever I was down, whenever I was scared, or excited, she was the one I relied on. We depended on each other for everything. Through good times and bad times. Easy and hard. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I didn't want to imagine it.
I loved her endlessly. And just because of that. . . just because I had some acclaim to my name now, our lives had to remain separated?
If I stayed with her, if we were seen together, I would lose her and everything I'd worked so hard to culminate?
Who decided that went hand in hand?
Who said I had to make that choice?
The end of my concert arrived in a dizzying blur. Upon concluding a final encore and shaking off Mrs. Pei and my bodyguards, I spotted Shii sparkly-eyed at the place we agreed to meet. Her best friends Kiharu and Tsumugi stood equally awestruck beside her.
"Rin!" Kiharu exclaimed.
"Did you guys enjoy the concert?"
"Why wouldn't we?!"
Tsumugi nodded furiously. "Your elegance and dancing! Your sexiness— I mean, hotness— I mean—"
"Tsumugi, why're you flirtin' with someone else's boyfriend?"
"I'm stating facts, Kiharu. Not flirting. Besides, Rin loves compliments."
I barked a laugh. "As much as I do, sorry, ladies." I flaunted a peace sign and wink. "This flirt is faithfully taken."
With a smile, they swerved to address Shii.
"Shiina couldn't stop sobbin'," Kiharu enlightened me. "She's like this every time she hears you sing. Did ya' even watch him?"
"I watched him! Every second!" Shii defended. "I was just mesmerized—and so, so proud. You were amazing, Rin!"
"Did you fall for me all over again?"
"Yes! Head over heels!"
My heart melted. "Shii—"
"Oh my gosh! It's Rin! It's really him!"
"Can we have an autograph?"
"A photo! Just one!"
In a split second, I'd been swarmed. Piles and piles of girls dashed toward me. Flashing lights—the sounds of camera shutters. The paparazzi had located me also.
Kiharu and Tsumugi fled my side in my instant. It took me a brief second to realize she had turned to go as well.
I clasped her wrist to stop her in her tracks.
"Shii, where are you going?"
The disappointment brimming behind her smile was transparent. "It. . . wouldn't be good if we're seen together, right?" she said. "Maybe one day. When I become a rockstar big enough to stand on the same stage as you or attend public events. Of course, even then, it won't be as your girlfriend. . . ha ha."
"Why not?"
Her eyelids rose a millimetre. "I-I mean, it's because—"
"Because what?"
She didn't have an answer. Or if she did, she chose not to voice it.
It wasn't only Mrs. Pei.
I was an idiot, realizing this here—now. We'd been with each other for as long as we have, yet I was blind to something so crucial.
"Rin, they're going to see us."
"Let them." I blocked them from her range of view, forcing her gaze to mine. "I told you before, didn't I, Shii? That before all my fans, before all the fame and attention I amassed, you're the most important person to me. That I'd trade all of this—every last bit of it—if it meant I could be with you."
"But. . ."
"I never want you to hold back for my sake. Be as selfish as you want."
"I can't, though. Really," she insisted. "'Cause then I'll allow myself to be stupidly jealous of all the fans you fawn over—those celebrities you keep getting shipped with. You're supposed to be my star but I have to share you with everyone. Even my time with you, I can't completely have anymore. I'll jeopardize your entire career by being selfish. That's why I can't be." She shuffled her feet. "I should go. Or else—"
"Who's she?"
"What is she doing with Rin?"
"Th-they're holding h-hands—"
"Mr. Rin?!" Mrs. Pei burst into view, bodyguards in tow. She was seconds from ripping out her hair—understandably, as we were currently depicted before countless screens—live feed. "Are you crazy? Why're you and Miss Shiina—"
"Rin!" my fans cut her off.
"What's going on?"
"Who is that loser?"
"She's getting way too cocky—touching you like that!"
My fans. Paparazzi with their cameras and video recordings. Everyone was restless. Desperate for answers.
I snuck a peek at Shii beside me, shrunk in equal apprehension.
The corners of my mouth upturned.
Since we met, she was always looking out for me. I wouldn't have made it thus far without her. I was incredibly lucky to know her—to still be with her.
Drawing her near, I connected our lips front and centre before the hundreds of gaping onlookers, not to mention the millions upon millions of viewers watching from home.
It was my turn to look out for her; to protect her.
My choice had been clear from the start. It'd be clear forever.
"Shiina's my girlfriend!" I declared without the slightest hesitation—the widest, unapologetic smirk splitting my cheeks. "My dearest, and truest love. Got a problem with that, Japan?"