30 minutes earlier.
Sitting in your car in front of your house, you cried your heart out. Everything was such a mess. Everything spiralled out of control so fast.
You felt terrible. You acknowledged you are a terrible person. You accepted that this world should have less terrible people in it.
Jumping out your car, you brought a jug outside before puncturing your patrol tank to fill it up.
Limping back into the house you started pouring the petrol all over the lounge and kitchen.
Cutting a candle 3/4 of its size, you placed it on the floor. That should give you enough time before the entire wax melts and everything catches a light.
Tired.
Tired of everything.
Tired of trying.
Tired of living.
Tired of fighting.
'Just give up.' That little voice in your head grew louder.
Filling the bath with ice, you opened the cold water tap to fill the bath up.
A Normal resting heart rate is about 90 beats per minute.
After being an stressful situation, you'd estimate your heart rate is sitting at 115 bpm.
Cold water slows your heart rate. Ice water can slow it down till it stops. Yes there was many other ways to commit suicide. But this was yours.
15 minutes.
You slipped off your dress, bit your lip hard upon feeling the icy sensation shoot up your nerves and slowly lowered your body in the tub.
Leaning back against the tub, you stared at the ceiling, not putting your face underneath yet, and thought.
100 bpm.
"I love you Y/n, and I always will. I'll always watch over you." Itachi whispered, smiling that warm sweet smile on the school field.
"I'll find a cure for you myself Itachi! You and I are going to grow old together! Don't you worry. "
Dead.
You are a failure.
95 bpm.
"You can move in with me."
"W-what? No!"
No more.
"Hisoka are you seriously sulking?!"
"You are annoying."
"It's not fair, you hugged Illumi and kissed Itachi on the cheek."
"You are such a baby Hisoka."
"Hn."
"Agh fine!" You gave up in defeat. Walking towards him, you hugged him tightly.
"You still not talking to me? Fine one kiss on the cheek."
Planting one innocent peck on his cheek.
"You still not talking!" You playfully yelled, now attacking his cheeks with several kisses in between your giggles.
Giggles that now echoed as the memory faded into nothingness too.
90 bpm.
"Keep it, my jacket seems to help you sleep."
My nightmares are now caused by you Hisoka.
"Supper together?"
"O-oh sorry only if you want to eat together. We don't have too! "
"No, it's okay. I'm just not used to eating with someone."
Strangers to friends. Friends to strangers.
Feeling muscular arms wrap around you in bed for the first time.
"Hisoka move! I'm too tired to fight you off!"
"The blanket is where you are at, so here I am."
Both accidentally falling into a peaceful sleep, spooning each other.
The scent of his cologne now also got erased from your memory.
85 bpm.
"When I take your virginity, I'll make sure to fuck all that disrepect out of you."
Laughing, "Oh, I love how you think you will get that far with me. Sorry Hisoka, you are not my type."
I ended up falling in love you. We had a child together didn't we?..
"You sureeeeee you don't want some chocolate?"
"Only if you feed it to me."
Hands of kindness now became the same hands that tried to kill him.
"Not as pathetic as you using Killua to replace your brother because you were too incompetent to save him."
That's right. Again, just like tonight, Hisoka was right.
Another death. Another failure.
70 bpm.
"What do you want Hisoka?"
"Peace offering. A box of your favorite chocolates to apologize for what I said on Friday."
Peace? That's none existent.
"Kiss me. Use me to detox."
"W-what? No! I can't waste my first kiss on you!"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
...Yeah. You are a heart breaker Hisoka. You sent me away. You hurt me. You are so cruel.
Analyzing every inch of his face before you kissed, you realized that night why everyone thought Hisoka was attractive. You found everything about him that night so beautiful and hypnotic. Especially those eyes. Oh those yellow eyes..
A face that now haunted you.
"Please don't ever forget me Hisoka.."
"I could never forget you even if I tried too y/n."
Lies. Lies. Lies. Everything was just fucking lies.
60 bpm.
"You are so beautiful Y/n."
.
.
.
"Hey, you need to get up and take the Plan B."
Caring? A gentleman? Psh please.
"Come back home please y/n. I miss you."
But you chased me away.
40 bpm.
So away I'll be for good. Maleeka doesn't need me. Hisoka doesn't me either. No one does.
Slipping your head under water, for the first time in your life you felt at peace. It felt good to stop trying to live. To create a better life. To try and move forward after getting your heart broken constantly. If anyone in life deserved a break, it was you.
You were going to die anyways with your failing heart and liver, you were merely just visiting the grim reaper earlier.
Closing your eyes, you could feel your heart beat thudding ever so slowly under water. Every cell within you was dying.
20 bpm.
I'll see you soon Itachi. Mom. Kai..
0 minutes.
Just like you predicted, the flame of the candle caught a light with the petrol - setting Itachi's house in hellish ablaze. Finally everything was ending.
With the darkness caving in, a small satisfied smirk crept up to your lips. Finally it is was game over. Screw the world.
Not even pulling up on the drive way correctly, Hisoka's eyes bulged out of his sockets upon seeing flames and thick smoke seep through the windows.
''Dammit y/n..'' He cussed with an urgent undertone. Running to the door, he was stopped by a wall of angry flames.
''Y/N!'' Hisoka yelled out, hoping that you would appear.
Grunting in panic, Hisoka zipped up his jacket all the way up to protect as much skin as he could. He was going to run through the flames, it was the only option.
Not thinking twice to let rationality settle in, Hisoka ran through the soaring fire. ''Y/n?'' He called out once more, running deeper into the house. Kitchen clear. Lounge clear. Bedroom clear.
Hisoka briefly scanned his eyes over the bathroom, not finding you anywhere. Apart of him was partially glad that you weren't in the house. However something within him still didn't sit right. He knew for a fact you were in this burning down house.
Running back into the bathroom, Hisoka pushed the curtains and found your blurred body under water, covered in ice cubes.
Heart running wild, Hisoka yanked you out the bathtub and laid you down onto the floor.
''Y/n!'' He yelled with a stressed undertone before attempting CPR.
Futile.
Just before he could try again, a loud explosion went off within the house, causing part of the roof to collapse. Instinctively shielding you for protection, Hisoka knew he had to get you out of here first before even trying to bring you back to life.
Swiftly taking off his jacket to wear it on you, Hisoka picked you up bridal style - trying his best to ensure not much of your skin was exposed. Completely disregarding his own protection.
Guiding through the flames, Hisoka cussed under his breath upon feeling the fire scorch his skin on his arms, however he refused to let it get to him. Getting you out of this house was number one priority.
Making it out onto the lawn and ensuring he was a good distance away from the house, Hisoka laid you down on the grass.
''Come on Y/n..'' He whispered, attempting to give you CPR again.
With fear bubbling up within him again, Hisoka felt like History was repeating itself. Losing you to death again was something he could never prepare for no matter how powerful he is.
''We will get it right this time Y/n..'' He desperately pleaded whilst giving you chest compressions.
Vigorously pushing against your chest, ''We will be a family this time Y/n, I give you my word. Please.''
After 2 minutes of nonstop chest compressions and mouth to mouth, the Gods decided to bless him once more with you.
Coughing up water, your body jerked uncontrollably. Groaning, you seemed to pass out again.
''Y/n?" Hisoka pressed his fingers against your pulse to see if you were still alive.
''Damn..'' He sighed in relief upon feeling a pulse. It was extremely weak, but it was there.
Knowing your body was suffering from hypothermia, Hisoka immediately got you into the car and put the A/C on hot full blast.
Brushing his fingers through his hair in a stressed out manner, Hisoka exhaled sharply. His mind and heart went into overdrive. He was still so much in shock that he hadn't felt the burns on his arms as of yet. ''Why would you do that Y/n..'' He whispered with distance growing in his voice, peering over down at you.
Wrapping his arms around you, Hisoka embraced you tightly - burying his face in the croon of your icy neck. He wasn't trying to solely give you body warmth, he was holding onto you for dear life, fearful that the world will take your soul again. He couldn't, and refused to do this anymore. Hisoka just wanted to live in peace.
''I am sorry Y/n..'' He lowly whispered, truly feeling remorseful for all these years and how he treated you back in high school. Here he always thought he had to protect you from his enemies. But the reality was, he had to protect you from himself. His destructive behaviour literally pushed you to suicide.
Reflecting back, you weren't treated the way you deserved to be. You were so much more than just someone he screwed. You had substance. Depth. Character. A beautiful soul that deserved to be treated with respect. You did nothing but take care of Hisoka when he needed to be or wanted to be taken care of. However being naïve, he was blinded by his lust and superior-God like complex.
How dare he tell you that looking after you was not his responsibility, when he got shot you were the one that dropped everything to aid him back to health. You allowed so much mistreatment, your view of things became warped and you were now someone that accepted such ill treatment from him - thinking it was normal.
It shouldn't have lead to you having to take your own life for Hisoka to realize how much you shouldered. How much pain you bottled up. How badly life and himself has treated you.
You were the one person he never wanted to see hurt, but he was the one that utterly destroyed your soul.
Squeezing you tighter with affection, Hisoka whispered another soulful apology. How did things get this bad?
From laughing and teasing each other, cuddling under the blanket watching TV. To holding your half dead body in his arms and having a broken family. This was too messed up.
Sighing, Hisoka reluctantly removed one arm off you to start the car and drive back to the house.
Reaching, Hisoka carried you inside and up the stairs, ignoring the countless of questions that swarmed him from his friends.
'What happened?'
'Is she dead?'
'I heard an explosion. I heard sirens. I saw the house on fire from the hill.'
'Hisoka you are badly burnt!'
He didn't want to deal with those questions right now. All he wanted was to stitch your wounds, get you into dry clothes and wrap you up under a woolen blanket with the room aircon on 30 degrees Celsius.
Having dried your hair, checked for frostbite, changed you completely and placed you under the blanket in a separate room, Hisoka laid down with you - spooning you ever so dearly.
Although he was feeling extremely hot - which aggravated his burns more, Hisoka couldn't care less because your body still felt cold.
The joker knew everything was far from perfect, but having you in his arms after so many years again brought him immense internal peace. He didn't have to imagine having you in his arms anymore, or try and recall how it felt that last morning you and him shared in bed. Seven years later you were here. You were finally in his arms again. Oh how complete he felt right now..
Pulling you closer against him despite there being no more spaces, Hisoka rested his chin comfortably on top of your head before sighing deeply.
He refused to ever let you go now.