"Ohmygosh ate!"
Halos talunin ko ang distansya namin ni Ate Donna sa tuwa na nagkita ulit kami! After almost a freaking decade!
"Naku Hannah! Nakakahiya-"
She curled when I hugged her like she's melting. My lips parted. I felt ashamed for a moment. Don't she want to hug me?!?
I calmed myself and slowly let her go.
"Oh I'm sorry-"
"Hindi... hindi... kase, diba? Ang sikat mo na... lodi na nga kita eh... kaya nagulat akong nakilala mo pa ako..."
Nanlaki ang mata ko. She even really looked shy! Nakakagat labi siya at mukhang amaze na amaze sakin. How cute!
"Why would I not recognize you?!? Ang daming nangyari, yes, but I am still the same old Hannah you knew!"
Unti-unti ay ngumisi siya.
"The old Hannah? So you're still... into Khalil?" she raised both of her brows
Napatanga ako. I unconsciously moved my head to look at Khalil at nagtama nga ang mga mata namin. Hindi niya inurungan ang titig ko, may baon pa nga siyang mapagmalaking ngiti.
"Wew. Nagtitigan pa nga." sumipol si Ivan
"Alam mo ikaw, panira kang unggoy ka eh!" hinampas siya ni Ate Donna sa dibdib
"Babes ikaw, chansing ka ah! Kanina ka pa. Mamaya na! Nakakahiyang gawin 'yun dito sa-"
"Yuck! Gago ka talaga!"
Natawa ako dahil nagets ko ang ipinahiwatig ni Ivan. Pulang-pula kase si Ate Donna.
"Pero pwede naman siguro. Diba, bro? May spare room ka ba-"
"Hoy maghunus-dili ka nga! Nakakahiya ka!"
Pairap namang bumaling si Khalil kay Ivan.
"Tarantado ka Van. Gagawin mo pang motel 'tong condo."
"Pero bro, nag-come back talaga kayo? Speed mo naman!"
I heard Khalil's soft curses.
"Kayo na ulit?" segunda ni Ate Donna
Agad akong umiling.
"Uh, hindi."
She gave me that 'weh?' reaction.
"Huh? Eh bakit ka andito?"
"Jack en poy, lang bro?"
Nilingon ko uli si Khalil at mukhang naiirita na siya kay Ivan. He gave me an apologetic look, tho.
"Don't you want to get in?"
Oo nga, dito pa talaga kami nagkwentuhan sa hallway.
"Han, tara."
Hinawakan ako ni ate sa braso at hinila papasok. Pinigilan ko naman siya.
"Uh ate, pauwi na ako eh."
Natigilan siya, sina Ivan at Khalil din.
"Huh? Ang gulo mo. Isn't this your house too?"
Lalo lang akong nahirapang mangapa ng salita. Ganun ba ka hindi kapani-paniwalang nag-break kami ni Khalil?
"Interviewer ka ba babes? Dami mong kuda eh!"
Inirapan ni Ate Donna si Ivan at nawala sa topic kaya nakahinga ako ng maluwag.
"Dito ka nalang muna, Han. Ngayon na nga lang tayo nagkita ulit... tapos aalis ka pa."
Ngumuso ako at agad na napa-sang-ayon. Ate Donna is right. Besides, wala naman talaga akong gagawin ngayon. Bukas pa start ng hectic schedule ko.
"So, bakit ka nandito kung hindi kayo? If you don't mind me asking..."
Nasa living room na kami ngayon. Khalil is in the kitchen, preparing the foods and the liquor.
Ipinaliwanag ko kay Ate Donna ang nangyari.
"Hanep bro! Ginamit mo pa ang aso!" sigaw ni Ivan
Kumunot ang noo ko. Humalakhak naman si Ate Donna nang bigla nalang may tumamang tsinelas kay Ivan.
"Manahimik ka nga!"
Bumalik si Khalil dala-dala ang tray ng pagkain. Those were finger foods. Mukhang may inuman ngang magaganap.
"Eto naman. Nagsasabi lang naman ng totoo ah?!"
"Huwag mo nalang pansinsin 'yan Han. Pabibo 'yan eh." singit ni Ate
"Ate... nagkatuluyan pala kayo ni Ivan, no?" I asked in an amused tone
"Hindi ko girlfriend 'yan, Han." Ivan denied
"Huh? Ano lang?"
"Fuck buddy lang."
Nalaglag ang panga ko at sunod kong nasaksihan ay ang pagbato ni ate ng throw pillow kay Ivan.
"Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Ikaw nga tong desperadong mapasagot ulit ako, eh!"
"Talaga?"
"Talaga! Pinilit mo lang ako!"
"Kung ganun Donna, kasuhan mo. Pwede 'yang sexual harras-"
"Huwag ka namang ganyan bro. Alam mo namang patay na patay sa'kin yan noon pa eh!"
Tumawa si Khalil at naupo sa tabi ko. Nasa kabilang couch sina Ivan at Ate Donna na halos magsuntukan na.
"Hoy-"
"Oh, ano? Itanggi mo. Stalker kita noon diba? Ang creepy mo nga eh buti kamo pinatulan kita-"
"Hindi lang naman ako, ah! Si Hannah rin kaya!"
Pasimple akong umusog dahil masyado na naman akong inaatake ng amoy ni Khalil.
"Oh kaya nga! Pare-pareho lang naman tayo rito eh."
"Hmmm. May point ka. Sa tingin ko nga, magkakabalikan rin 'tong dalawang to eh."
Ngumisi silang dalawa at nagpalipat-lipat ng tingin samin ni Khalil.
"So... uh, you were together before?" I asked to divert the topic
As if naman kaseng makakabalikan kami. Hindi ako papatol sa lalaking may girlfriend na 'no.
The world is vast. There's plenty of people. Why would I settle with someone who broke my heart and who has someone else, right?
"Oo. Pero mabilis lang. Nambabae eh." sumbong ni ate
"Chat lang naman-"
"Oh! Pareha lang 'yun. Pambabae pa rin."
"Ate Donna's right. Whether it's in person or social media, if you flirt with a girl, it's cheating."
I don't really get it. If you have already someone to call as boyfriend or girlfriend, why would you message other person, right? Para maghanap ng aliw? Ganun?
"I'm just being friendly. Ganun kaming mga lalaki, diba 'bro?"
Nagkibit-balikat si Khalil.
"I don't know. I haven't flirted with someone else." he casually stated without taking his eyes off me
I rolled my eyes. Yeah right. Sabihin mo 'yan sa kamay ko.
"Ay oo nga pala. Napakalinis mo 'bro eh! Alam mo Han, kahit siguro maghubad ang isang babae, basta hindi ikaw, hindi papatusin niyan! Most loyal!" pumalakpak pa si Ivan
I don't know if it was sarcastic or not.
"Buti pa si Khalil. Eh ikaw?!?"
"Isang beses lang naman 'yun babes eh. Tsaka sa chat lang. Promise hindi na mauulit."
"Baby come here!" tawag ko nang mamataan si Bala
"Lapit ka raw bro..." I heard Ivan
Nakuha ko kaagad ang sinabi niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko tuloy yung pamumula ng pisngi ko. Ang lakas palang mang-alaska nitong si Ivan. Ang enthusiastic. He's the opposite of Khalil.
"Si Bala raw, babe. Ikaw talaga..." saway ni Ate Donna
Hindi ko nalang pinansin at sinalubong si Bala. Natutulog na raw si Kala, so the whole time, I was just caressing Bala's fur.
"So, Han, single ka ba?" tanong ni Ivan
"Yeah,"
"Talaga? Sa ganda mong yan?! Manliligaw, marami?"
"Wala nga eh.." I laughed
"Hoy napaka-imposible! Wala? Oh walang pinapayagan?" si ate
"Uhm, I'm not entertaining them."
"Bakit naman? Ayaw mo ba mag-jowa?"
"Hindi naman sa ayaw. Naghahanap lang ako ng tamang tao,"
Nakakapagod na kaseng mag-settle sa taong hindi ko rin naman pala makakatuluyan in the end.
"Hindi mo na kailangang hanapin, Han. Nasa tabi mo na, oh!" giit ni Ivan
Nilingon ko si Khalil na kanina pa tahimik. Nakita kong matalim na ang tingin niya kay Ivan.
"Hey, don't tease us please. I maybe single but it still won't look and sound appropriate. He's taken." I pointed out
Na-awkwardan na ako. It's not right to tease me to someone who's already taken. Magmumukha akong kabit or whatever.
"Huh? May girlfriend ka bro? Hindi mo sinabi sa'kin? Sino?"
Kinapa ko ang shot glass at nilagok ang kung ano mang alak na naroon. I suddenly like the bitter taste of it.
"Wala. I'm not seeing someone else, Hannah. Who told you that?" seryosong tanong ni Khalil
I twitched my lips as I felt my senses waking up. Huh, did I hear him right?
"You and... Angela?"
Kumunot ang noo niya.
"What? We're not together, anymore. You knew that, right?"
"Nagkabalikan kayo diba?"
Naglabas pa nga kayo ng article eh!
"No. I think you were misinformed."
"Naku paano makikipagbalikan yan sa iba, Hannah? Eh ikaw ang bukambibig niyan!"
Magkaibigan nga sila. Nagkakampihan sa pagsisinungaling eh.
Hindi ko nalang pinansin si Khalil kahit ramdam na ramdam ko ang titig niyang tila tumatagos sa kaluluwa ko.
"Han, by the way, totoo ba 'yun? Mag-collab daw kayo ni Carlo? Idol ko rin 'yun, eh!"
Napangiti ako. Nakwento ni ate sa'kin na certified banana siya. Ayaw niya nga lang mag-message sa'kin dahil nakakahiya raw.
"Oo. Hopefully next week..."
Namumula na si ate dahil mag-aalas-sais na ata. Kanina pa kami at parang natatamaan narin ako. Hindi ako makatanggi sa shot eh.
"Talaga? Naku nakaka-excite! Gwapo pa naman 'nun. Bagay kayo!" she giggled
Natatawa akong umiling. Carlo is indeed charming but I don't think bagay kami.
"Hoy babes! Respeto naman sa nasasaktan sa tabi-tabi!" singit ni Ivan
Umismid ako. I know he's pertaining to Khalil.
"Duh, as if naman nasasaktan 'yun. Una pa nga iyong nakalimot eh." pagak akong tumawa
Nakita ko namang napalingon si Khalil sa'kin. Magkatabi parin kami obviously. Wala akong pakialam kung mag-assume siya ang pinapatamaan ko. Totoo rin naman.
"Ay, talaga? Bakit parang hindi naman?" Ivan mocked
Hindi umimik si Khalil. See? Silence means yes. He's guilty. Sana all madaling makalimot, 'no?
"Baby... tipsy na si Mommy hihihi..." I whispered to Bala
"Han, shot-"
"Huwag na, Don." pigil ni Khalil
He then took my shot glass and drank it without a pause or a gulp.
"Hey! That was mine!"
Binitawan ko si Bala at sinubukang abutin ang baso pero inilalayo niya. Hindi ko talaga maaabot yun dahil sobrang tangkad niya.
Ano bang problema nitong lalaking 'to?!
"Tama na. Malalasing ka na," mahinahon niyang sinabi
"Eh ano naman?!?"
"You'd get head ache. I don't want you pained..." malamyos niyang paliwanag
My lips parted and his second sentence triggered me so much.
How dare he say he doesn't want me pained?!
After everything? He'd throw me that shit?
"Bullshit! You don't want me pained yet natiis mo ako ng dalawang taon?!"
My breathing went rigid. Parang sasabog ang utak ko at maging ang aking dibdib na tumataas-baba na.
Nakita kong unti-unting nanlaki ang mata ni Khalil. Natahimik naman sina Ate Donna.
Fuck.
Eto ang problema ko kapag umiinom. I say things I shouldn't.
"Sorry. Uh, excuse me. Cr lang ako."
Hindi ko na hinintay ang reaksyon nila. I stood up. I didn't mind my spinning vision. I am so damn ashamed but I don't regret what I've said. It felt like I just pulled out a huge stone in my heart.
Kaya lang, hindi ko alam. Parang mas bumigat ata ang pakiramdam ko.
Papasok na sana ako sa cr nang may humablot sa braso ko. Halos sigawan ko si Khalil nang hilahin niya ako sa isa sa mga guest room.
"Bakit ba nanghihila ka? Anong problema mo, ha?!?" singhal ko
Binitawan niya ako at pagod akong tinignan.
"I'm sorry."
Para akong nabingi. I closed my eyes as I felt my system went wild.
"I don't need your damn sorry," malamig kong sagot
It's two years late.
Lumunok siya at tinapunan ako ng nagsusumamong tingin.
"Han, hindi kita ipinagpalit. Hinding hindi kita ipagpapalit. I'd even trade anything for you..."
I balled my fist.
"Talaga? Kaya pala... kaya pala nabalitaan ko na... kinasal ka na sa iba. Fuck, I took the damn bullet for you! Pero ano? Paggising ko, wala ka! Nabuhay nga ako, hindi ko naman naramdamang buhay ako dahil wala ka... ni hindi ka nangamusta! You have all the means! You can message me, dm me, email me... anything... you can do anything to reach me ... but you didn't! At ang pinakamasakit... mababalitaan kong nagkabalikan kayo ni Angela... and now, you're telling me you'd trade anything for me? Talaga lang, ha."
He tried to reach for my hands but I was alert enough to refuse it. Kitang-kita ko naman ang pagdaplis ng sakit sa kanyang mga mata.
"I was there. I was always there."
Natigilan ako.
"What?"
"I was with you when you were rushed to the hospital. When the doctor was trying to revive you. And damn, sa bawat pagdaan ng oras na hindi ka nagigising, para akong unti-unting pinapatay. You saved me. I wasn't just guilty because of that. I was guilty because I should be the one saving you. Handa na ako eh... magmula nung minahal kita... pinakasalan kita, inalay ko na ang buhay ko sa'yo. Anything. Anything that would make you happy... and then that happened. It was crucifying for me, Hannah."
Hindi ako nagpatinag at pilit na inalala ang punto ko rito.
"Hindi kita nakita paggising ko, Khalil. You did not pay me a visit in the hospital-"
"I did. I did visited you. Mababaliw ako sa mga panahong 'yun kung hindi kita makikita, Hannah. I saw how you were rushed into the hospital somewhere in LA. And I was always there, every single day you were confined. Tinatanaw-tanaw lang kita sa malayo at ayos na ako roon dahil kahit papaano nasisiguro kong gagaling ka pa at mabubuhay ka. And you did. You did survived. After forty thousand three hundred twenty one hours, the love of my life opened her eyes. That was the best news for me." he smiled painfully
Nag-init ang sulok ng mata ko at hindi ko na nakontrol ang biglaang pagbuhos ng aking luha.
Damn.
Why is he telling me this... just now?!?
"Then... why? Why didn't you tell me, huh?"
Nilapitan niya ako. Hinang-hina ako kaya hindi ko siya magawang itulak nang hapitin niya ang aking bewang para bigyan ako ng yakap. I curled my arms and rested my face in his chest as I let my hot tears flow.
"I will let the time reveal everything to you, Hannah." he whispered tenderly
"Time?! You can tell it to me now! Nakakainis ka! Do you know how depressing it is to overthink? Huh? That the reason why you haven't showed yourself was because you went back to Angela! And I wasn't just making that one up! There were articles-"
I was silenced by his lips which agressively attacked mine. I stiffened as I felt him assaulting my lips. Nakakapanlambot ng tuhod ang kanyang malambot at ekspertong labi. Hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa aking bewang. Hindi ako nakagalaw at bagama't hindi gumanti ay hiningal ako nang bumitaw siya.
"What the fuck?! Bakit nanghahalik kang gago ka?!"
I gave him weak punches that was useless. Hindi siya natinag. Para akong sumusuntok ng bato.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention to that. My concern was you. I didn't care about all those fake news because I thought... you'd choose to believe me even without hearing my side."
Matalim ko siyang tinignan. My vision is fuzzy because of tears pero kitang-kita ko parin ang pamumula ng mga mata niya.
"How? How can I build hopes when you signed the damn annulment? Huh? Paano?!" hiyaw ko
Umawang ang kanyang labi at maya-maya'y umigting ang kanyang panga.
"You signed it first, sweetheart. Wala akong choice dahil ang desisyon mo'y desisyon ko rin. It killed me but I'd rather do that than disrespect your decision."
Para akong lalong nalasing sa sagot niya. Hindi ako makapaniwala.
"You did! I signed it because you signed it first! Huwag kang sinungaling!" tinuro ko siya
Yumuko siya at umiling.
"No. I won't do that. Hinding-hindi kita bibitawan hangga't hindi ka bumibitaw. Hangga't kaya ko, pipiliin kong piliin ka. I was determined to save our relationship after what happened but the annulment papers were delivered to me and... it was signed by you."
Sunod-sunod akong umiling at pakiramdam ko nanlalambot ang aking tuhod.
"What made my hopes collide is the fact that the papers were legit. I got it checked."
If he's telling the truth.... then, did Dad faked the papers he presented to me?
Hinuli niya ulit ang kamay ko at dinala sa kanyang dibdib. It was if he was begging me to hear his heart out. His heart that is literally beating so fast and loud against my palm.
"Teka. I heard you! You called... you called Angela...." binawi ko ang aking kamay
Yes! Hindi ako pwedeng magpauto sa lalaking 'to. I will throw him his shits until I corner him! Susubukan kong hulihin kahit malabo namang meron! Fuck!
"What? Where?"
Pumikit ako at inalala ang sakit na naramdaman nang marinig ko siyang katawagan si Angela nang gabing 'yun. Ano 'yun? Wala lang?!
"That night... when Kala was rushed to the hospital!"
Umawang ang labi niya at mukhang nagulat. Oh, see?! He can't damn react because I caught him there-
"You assumed it's Angela? That was Anjo, my secretary. Lalaki 'yun, Hannah."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita.
Ano?!
Maniniwala ba ako sa kanya?
"I told him I will be on leave to take care of Kala." he added
Pumikit ako at parang nahilo. How I wish I'd pass out here. Hindi ko kayang tagalan ang usapang 'to. Lalo lang akong nalulunod.
"H-Hindi na kayo nag-uusap, kung ganun?"
Argh. I even sounded hopeful! Utak ko nalang talaga ang kakampi ko ngayon dahil tinatraydor na naman ako ng sarili kong puso at bibig.
Umiling si Khalil at malamyos akong tiningnan.
"The moment I submit myself to you, I never thought of talking to her... or to other girls romantically. Kung meron man, para lang sa negosyo. Hindi ko na kailangang subukang maging loyal dahil inangkin mo na ng buong-buo ang isip at puso ko."
He looked so tired and helpless... and transparent. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito. Like he's letting me see his soul.
My feet rooted there. My knees turned so weak and the beat of my heart was deafening. He reached for my hands to place it on his massive chest for the second time. Hinayaan ko siya. I have no energy to counter now, it seemed like my body became his slave. Just like that.
"Mahal kita, Hannah. Mahal na mahal parin kita. Kung may babalikan man ako, ikaw 'yun. Ikaw lang."