"You realize I don't have money for this, right?" I grumbled when we got to the mall. Last time I went to a place like this, I was 13 and I needed a bra. After that, thank heavens, e-commerce became a thing.
"Makeover doesn't need to be expensive." Ben argued.
"No? It literally involves buying things, which entails spending money I don't have." I scoffed, to which he turned to me, half smiling. "What?"
"Nothing. I just like that you're finally coming around."
"Coming around?"
"Talking."
"Oh." I blushed a little. "Well, I'm not a Tibetan monk, I'm just ..."
"Selective."
I cracked a small smile. He totally nailed it. "Yeah."
"Well," he brought a hand to his heart, "I'm flattered to be included in your tiny circle," he tipped off his imaginary hat, but because he was walking backwards, he almost tripped into the dustbin behind him. I tried not to laugh, but a small chuckle came out.
"So where do we start?" Or rather, what should I prepare to first?
"The clothes, of course."
"Ben ..." I grumbled as he marched straight towards one of those shops that 9 times out of 10 don't sell plus size clothing.
"Yes, we're on a budget, I know ... don't worry."
No ... they're not gonna have anything that fits me and I don't wanna make a fool of myself. Why do you think I always buy online? You can pick anything without having to worry about scornful or worse, pitiful looks from clerks or other clients. When you're a certain size, you just learn to live based on a different standard. Your clothes will cost way more, they'll be less easy to find and less pretty; 99% of the clerks in female clothing shops are thin and skinny, and 99% of them is a haughty little witch that thinks your weight is your own fault and you're disgusting, which, I mean, in a way, is true.
I wish I could say my weight is to blame on genetics or metabolism and whatever, but the truth is, I've just never done anything about it. Of course, genetics does play a role – being born from two chubby people, it's hard to come out incline to thinness –, but it's also true that the years I should have spent shaping my pubescent self into becoming at least skinnier, were instead wasted declaring my undying love for the couch and hiding from, well, pretty much everyone.
Case in point, the moment we entered the shop, I noticed the above-mentioned haughty clerks. More specifically, I caught their bewildered look on their faces when they realize this humpback whale that just entered their domain wasn't alone, but was accompanied by a pretty handsome guy. I don't even think Ben is out of the ordinary in the scale of male beauty, but anyone would look 10 times better when next to me.
"Hello," a blonde super skinny clerk approached us as soon as we stepped into the dresses area, a big fake grin splattered on her white porcelain teeth.
"Oh, hello!" Ben greeted in his usual perky manner, clearly missing the x-ray she did to his body. I guess not being interested in women, he doesn't even notice when they check him out.
"What can I do you for?"
Weird inversion.
"Well, we're looking for a dress for my lovely friend here," Ben pointed at me, which gained me yet another perplexed look from a woman in the same shop, "do you think you can help?"
"Absolutely!" The blondie grinned like a Cheshire cat, and for some reason in my head resonated an 'off with her head!!!' meant to warn me I was going in the wrong direction.
Still, I followed Blondie – I'm not kidding, the name on her tag actually read Blondie – deep into the rabbit's hole called back of the store, where, I'm guessing, they keep the super large clothes no one ever asks for in here – because, let's be honest, no sane woman of my size would dare step foot into the untethered from reality, ethereal realm of the skinny. The last plus size girl that entered this place was probably catapulted out or swallowed by a black hole so that she wouldn't ruin the pureness of the store.
I did notice that the other clerks were looking at me, even more so when, having realized I was moving at a snail pace, Ben – my lovely but oh, so oblivious Ben – placed a hand on the small of my back and started gently pushing me towards the direction Blondie had taken. Yes, obviously I was terrified at the thought that he would feel how sweaty my back actually was, despite the multiple layers of Winter clothes, but it was still a nice feeling, I'll have to admit.
We stopped when we finally reached our destination, which felt like a hundred miles away from the front of the store, might I add. "Wait here," Blondie said, then disappeared behind a sliding door.
"Don't be nervous." Ben said, finally removing his hand from my back, "it's just a shop, like any other."
Except every other shop isn't purposely made to make you feel worthless, meaningless and a billion times more of a loser than you already feel. I could swing it at a shoe shop, you know. Sure, I've got big feet, but it's not so bad. But clothes? Dresses even! "I don't like dresses." I mumbled.
"Have you ever tried one?"
"Yes."
"One not made for a child and worn at a religious ceremony?"
Ugh. Damn you, Ben, why do you have to read me so well? "No ..."
"Case in point." He grinned, shrugging, then dipped his hands into his pockets. "This is part of the makeover, JoJo."
"You said clothes, not dresses." I pointed out, mildly bitter, as I stared at the sliding door Blondie had disappeared from, expecting her to come back with a squad of beauty experts ready to torture me like in Miss Congeniality.
"Dresses are clothes."
"Not in my book."
Ben chuckled. "The point is to open you up to possibilities, JoJo, prove you that the world outside isn't that evil."
Then we've come to the worst place possible. These shops are incarnated evil for those like me.
Finally, after what felt like forever, Blondie came out, with another girl on tow. This one looked ... normal. She was curvy, yet so beautiful. Is that even possible? That's an oxymoron, no?
"This is Valerie." Blondie introduced, pointing at the curvy goddess I could not believe existed. "She will help you."
Valerie offered us a gentle smile, then nodded at Blondie, who left, the noise of her heels clicking away rumbling in my head.
"Hey! You came!" Valerie took me off guard when she jumped into Ben's arms, squeezing him in the kind of tight hug you'd expect from a long lost friend.
"I told you I would drop by." He laughed, kissing her cheek and reciprocating the hug, which left me more befuddled than the clerks we saw at the entrance. Especially because their hug was quite long.
Finally, when they parted, Valerie turned to me, a big smile on her face. "And you brought a friend!"
"This is JoJo-I mean ... Joanna." Ben corrected when he remember I only accept his nickname when we're alone.
"Hi, Joanna, I'm Valerie!" The curvy goddess extended her hand for me to shake it, which I did, without thinking.
"Valerie and I went to school together." Ben explained, seeing me baffled.
"Oh." That explains it.
"More than that." Valerie grinned, rolling her eyes at him. "But this one ..." she flicked his head, "went AWOL after graduation."
Ben chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "It happens, high school uh friends get lost."
"Uh huh. More like you just forgot about me." She pouted.
In all that, I remained speechless, staring at the both of them. It's weird, I'd almost gotten used to being Ben's only friend in New York, and it was nice, we started spending a lot of time together. I guess now it's over.
"So, Joanna," Valerie turned to me, "you and I ... are going to have some fun!" she entwined my arm with hers, and stuck out her tongue to Ben, "you go do some boy stuff, I'll send her back in a couple of hours."
Oh, no, no. Don't leave me with a stranger. Please, please, no.
"I'll stay." Ben sent me a sneaky glance, which was meant to say, much to my relief, that he knew I would be way too uncomfortable if left alone.
Valerie looked in between us, somewhat thoughtful. She probably thought it was kind of him to be so nice to such a lost cause. Ben The Magnanimous, helping disastrous girls find themselves.
"That'll spoil the surprise effect, but if you insist ..." Valerie murmured, leaving my arm to start walking the same path we'd just come from, "follow me, please." We did. It took a little bit, but when we finally reached our destination – the opposite side of the shop, again, because these damn places are larger than my whole neighborhood back home –, I was surprised to find way more normal women than I'd ever expected.
With normal I mean normal size. As in, overweight or even straight plus size: the kind of women you wouldn't expect to see around here. They were roaming that side of the store eagerly and anxiously, as if worried their preferred items might go out of stock.
"Valerie is a stylist," Ben explained as we followed her towards the dresses, "her clothes are in this store only for now, but will go nationwide soon enough, I'm sure."
"You're too nice!" Valerie yelled from behind the stack of dresses she'd just taken out of the racks.
Ben laughed, which made his presence known to the other women in that side of the store. It wasn't surprising to see how their eyes widened when they saw him. I dare say a couple even ran away.
Valerie grabbed my hand, and dragged me into one of the changing stalls. "Try these on!" She ordered, handing me the dresses, which felt like a thousand, but it was only something less than ten. "Meanwhile I'll look for other clothing items and everything else."
"But ..." I wanted to argue that she shouldn't go through such troubles, because I can't afford this stuff. It probably costs more than my rent.
"Don't worry, honey, you're on a friends discount." She grinned, to which I frowned.
"I ..." I blushed, so I lowered my gaze, "Ben ..."
"We go way back, sweetheart. As a favor to him, anything you buy to him is 50% off." I still can't afford it. "Officially ..." Valerie winked at me, "unofficially ... all free."
"What ..."
"My clothes, my prices," she shrugged, which didn't make any sense, considering she's selling this stuff to shops. But I didn't have time to argue, she disappeared behind the curtain, leaving me alone with the stack of dresses I didn't know what to do with.
"JoJo?" Ben called from the outside, making my heart thump, as if he could see me naked, even though I was still fully clothed."
"Y-Yes ...?"
"Try them on."
"But ..."
"Try them on. Trust me. If you start thinking I'm actually doing this to help, not to set you up for a prank or whatever else, it'll be a lot easier and the day will go a lot smoother."