THIS IS MORE OF AN ~EXTRA~ CHAPTER, DOESNT RLY FIT IN WITH THE PLOT but figured this was needed before this book ends
enjoy :)
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bobbies pov
after the boys died, i fell.
with only one person whom i cared about remaining, i tried to spent every moment with her. i guess the simple lyrics of now or never are right, there's no promised tomorrow.
she helped me cope, and i helped her cope. we spent every free moment together, talking about the boys or sometimes trying our best not to.
but after she died, i fell into a hole.
a deep hole.
like those nightmares you have where your trapped in darkness, and you try to claw your way out, but somehow more dirt just keeps falling on you. or where your walking, and it's pitch black, and you just know somethings about to happen and you take your next step and fall downward. and just keep falling until you gasp awake.
that's what it felt like.
actually, i had many dreams like that for years. my therapist told me it was because i didn't know how to cope with my crappy past life, i was overwhelmed and sad and just feeling like i was, well, falling.
harry styles sings it best.
i didn't know what or who i was, and just didn't feel alive anymore. luke had always talked about music, and how it made him feel vibrant and alive and truly himself.
well, they were my music. the only things that made me feel most alive, were dead.
and, when i met up with rose, from the orpheum and that awful night, something had sparked inside of me. we talked and talked about our lives and where we were in them, she asked how i was coping with the loss of the boys. i said not well, because i had also lost her two years later.
she had gotten me to talk about it, like she had so desperately tried to do that night in hollywood. she finally got me to open up in that bar, and all of a sudden, i felt it. that spark. that feeling of being alive again.
so, in a way, i panicked. but, a good panic i guess, because i was willing to do anything to keep that spark alive. to keep feeling alive again. rose told me to produce the songs of hers i had found, and the remaining sunset curve songs i managed to keep and not produce yet, and i listened. it would only help, right?
what a time was the only one i had that actually meant something to me. i think maybe that was the reason i hadn't produced it yet, just wanted to hold onto my last words of her forever. but rose convinced me it would help, that it would be the first thing that was real, that meant something. she helped me produce it, and i needed backup vocals. rose was studying music at her school, and had the perfect range for mine. it was all just so, perfect.
until, ten years later i had realized what i had done. i realized that the thing that had produced that spark in that bar was... the guys. her. their memory, their presence back within me as i talked about them for the first time in years. rose brought the spark back, but they had made me feel alive again.
not the music, the songs, the money, the fame, the crowd, the adrenaline, the rush.
just them.
i had acted too quickly, too desperate to keep the living feeling inside of me alive. i produced every song of theirs, most rising through the charts within weeks, and gotten more money than i was used to. more fame than i wanted.
and way more credit than i had deserved. but it was too late.
• • •
and another thing.
i don't know why it keeps happening.
why i keep seeing her.
my therapist tells me it's a new way of coping, of getting all i've done and the guilt it's caused out of my chest.
but it doesn't feel fake. the whole world melts away, yes, but she feels real. she feels alive. i feel like the boy i was when she was alive. that was the first time i felt that spark of life since being with rose.
rose, i wonder where she is today. i wonder if she still listens to my music, still remembers my story. our story.
so now, as i lay in bed every night, i wait for her. the girl that had died right beside me 23 years ago. for her to come to me like she has twice before. she promised she'd be back, and i vowed to wait until she does.
to wait until that spark comes again.
♥ ♫ ♥
! FINAL CHAPTER COMING APRIL 1ST !