Time runs so fast, I can't even think about that Gun is already a college graduate, last month siya grumaduate and now his already training at Delavine's Scent together with his friends Kace and Cadmus.
Parang kailan lang kakapasok ko lang dito sa university na pinapasukan niya. tapos ngayon wala na siya ulit, kailangan ko nanamang tapusin ang year na ito para masundan siya sa Delavine's.
And I must say, being alone is really hard...
"Miss Minami," agad akong napalingon sa terror kong prof ng tawagin ako nito. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at ramdam kong pinagtitinginan ako ng mga kaklase ko.
"Yes Ma'am?" I ask, my hands starting to feel cold as I wait for her questions. "Tell me the Product Management Interfaces with the other functions in the following manners, Now," I know that nag review ako kagabi.
I know I've read about that, but because of my fear and nervousness, I suddenly felt blank... "F-first is It Identifies a market p-problem or the customers, second is the It quantifies the opportunity in a market and It...it...it..."No, I forgot!!
"It what?! Miss Minami!!! I can say based on your answers, that you're not taking this subject seriously!!!" mabili akong umiling sa kanyang sinabi. "No Ma'am I stu----," she cut me out and glared at me.
"You don't belong on the business industry Miss Minami that's all I can say, better start thinking before you regret it in the future, business wasn't really for you, Class Dismiss," she said kaya agad nagsitayuan ang mga kaklase ko at lumabas ng room, mabilis ko din kinuha ang bag ko at hinabol si Mrs. Ferolino.
"Ma'am I'm really sorry, I swear I studied it last night. But I just went blank in front of everyone" I said that made her stop walking and look at me. "Mas lalong hindi ka bagay sa Marketing dahil sa sinabi mo" Mapang maliit na sambit nito.
"Ma'am please wag niyo naman po akong izero sa recitation na ito," this graded recitation owns half of our grade dahil dito niya din ibabase ang performance namin and with that kind of answer I gave, I'm sure my score would be Zero.
"I see no effort in you Mrs. Minami, and just like I was saying, you don't fit in inside this rough world of the business industry better step out now or regret it later" sambit niya at inabot sa akin ang isang papel bago tuluyang umalis.
The paper she handed in was my graded record for the whole second sem, singko.
Biglang bumagsak ang luha ko nang makita ang grade ko sa kanya, I never receive this kind of grades since I was in elementary. Tapos ngayon pa ako makakatanggap kung kailan mag fourth year na ako.
This is so frustrating; I mean I'm doing my best to cope up with my grade in her subject but she keeps on telling me that I don't belong in this line of business.
Since she started to be one of my professors, she never stops making me embarrassed in front of the class and tells me that I will regret everything. Siya ang kaisa-isang Prof na nakilala kong dinadown pa lalo ang estudyante niya.
And take note ako lang ang kaisa-isang estudyanteng sinasabihan niya noon and talagang sumasakto ang pagtawag niya sa aking sa loob ng klase tuwing nawawala ako sa sarili at nagiisip-isip kaya ang ending wala akong nasasagot at napapahiya.
Ngayong college ko narealize na hindi sapat ang talino para makakuha ng magandang grades, kailangan mo rin talagang magustuhan ng prof dahil minsan kahit anong galing mo kapag ayaw sayo ng prof magiging bobo ka.
How I wish I have Chantel by my side, and I wish she's not having a hard time in France right now. I don't want her to feel what I feel right now.
Umiiyak akong umuwi ng bahay, dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ko ilalabas ang nararamdaman kong pagkadismaya sa aking sarili. Nangyari ba ito dahil ayaw sa aking ng Prof ko o dahil ako mismo ang may gawa nito? Tanong ko sa aking sarili.
Dahil sa totoo lang hindi ko na alam, kung anong problema sa akin...
Sobrang nagulo ang isipan ko pagtungtong ko ng college, at first hindi ko pa siya napapansin dahil nandyan lagi si Gun para icomfort ako at gabayan sa pag-aaral ko pero simula ng grumaduate siya don ko naramdaman ang epekto ng college life sa akin.
It was so damn hard to go with the flow because every single day the flow became a wave until it ended up being a tidal wave that no one could catch up and get drowned.
At isa ako sa mga nalunod doon, hindi ko alam kung kalokohan lang ba lahat ng inaral ko ng elementary at highschool dahil ngayon college ako ni isa wala akong maintindihan.
Ano bang problema mo Sienna?
Pabagsak akong dumapa sa aking kama at ipinagpatuloy ang aking pag-iyak. I feel so depressed...
Hindi ko maintindihan ang lahat!!! Ang gulo-gulo na.
Habang ako'y patuloy na umiiyak dito sa kamay ay biglang tumunog ang phone ko at nag silipin ko ito mabilis akong umupo at pinunasan ang aking luha. Gun is calling.
After I fix myself, I answer it with a cheerful voice, "Hi there," sambit ko at pinilit ngumiti.
"Hey Beb, nakauwi ka na ba? How's your day?" masiglang tanong ni Gun. pinunasan ko ang aking luha at ngumiti ng mapait, "Ok naman, medy----," hindi ko natapos ang aking sasabihin ng magsimula ulit siyang magsalita.
"Good, ako naman masaya ako ngayong araw Bed because I was given a chance to handle the operation team and guess what the project went successful!!! It's so fun hindi ko maexpress kung gaano kasaya at ka-fulfilling Beb!!! You know this is my dream right malapit na Beb!!! I can already feature it" bakas sa boses ni Gun ang tunay na saya.
He was aiming for this kind of adventure since we were young and now, he's venturing inside the business industry that I wish I could do it too. But I can't...
"I'm happy for you Beb" Malumanay kong sambit para hindi mahalatang ako'y umiiyak.
"Can't wait to be with you here Beb, galingan mo sa school ah," he said, I know he's smiling widely right this moment.
Napatingin ako sa grades ko dahil sa kanyang sinabi at napatawa na may kasabay na pagluha. "Y-yes I will do my best and never give up so wait for me," I said in a cheerful tone.
"That's my girl, Ok gotta to go call you later," he said at hindi niya na ako hinintay sumagot at agad pinatay ang tawag, siguro tinawag na sila ni Tito Cadrius.
Dahan-dahan kong binaba ang aking phone at sumandal sa headboard ng kama ko, I hugged my knees and lean my head on it.
"Kaya mo ito Sienna," I whisper.
***
"Please Ma'am nagmamakaawa ako bigyan niyo na po ako ng grade hindi po ako makakagraduate nito kung incomplete at blanko ang grades ko sa inyo. Ma'am wala naman po akong kulang sa mga requirements Ma'am please po nagmamakaawa po ako" hindi ko maimagine ang sarili kong gagawin ito, pero ito ako ngayon nagmamakaawa sa Prof ko para maka graduate lang.
Patuloy na ang pagtulo ng aking luha dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko kung hindi ako makakagraduate dahil sa isang subject na ito.
"Ma'am please," I begged, she sigh and look at me, "I already said Miss Minami hindi ka nababagay sa business," umiling-iling ako at mas umiyak lalo, bakit niya ba ako pinapahirapan ng ganito.
"Ma'am please nagmamakaawa po ako" Pag-uulit ko, "Alam mo Miss Minami, hindi ko ito ginagawa dahil ayaw ko sayo, ginagawa ko ito dahil ito ang nakikita kong tama, alam ko. Nakikita kung hindi ka para sa business industry, and even marketing wasn't your strength. How can you work and live with that profession if that wasn't your expertise?" she said and tapped my shoulders.
"Please Ma'am hayaan nyo na po akong pilitin ang sarili ko dito, malay niyo magbago ang nakikita niyo," I pleased.
Huminga siya ng malalim at kinuha ang ballpen niya, "I will give you what you want but don't come back to me in the near future regretting this profession, because I'm telling you this is now really your destined profession, here," sinulatan niya ang card ko at umalis.
Nanghihina akong napaupo sa sahig ng makitang kompleto na ang grades ko at gagraduate na ako...
"I will work hard and I promise I won't come back to you regretting," I whisper.