A/N this is based off the song Poison by Alice Cooper. The idea is that Natasha is slowly falling in love with Wanda, but doesn't trust her because of Ultron, her missuse of her powers, and her gullibility in general. It's really tearing her up because she doesn't want to get involved incase Wanda betrays her, but she also can't imagine a life without Wanda in it. Sorry if this is terrible. Happy reading :)
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Natasha landed on her bedroom floor with a thump and pried her eyes open. Darkness and the eerie red glow from the clock on the bedside table greeted her. The red aura cast around the room was starting to get creepy so she turned it over, rather more forcefully than she intended as she stood up. Why am I awake?
A beeping sound caught her attention. Could that have woken me? She whipped the dressing gown off the back of the door and tied it firmly around herself. If the tower didn't have smooth laminate flooring she was sure floorboards would be creaking ominously - it was that sort of night.
As she edged down the hall the beeping got louder and she began to suspect more and more that it was nothing dangerous. It was the industrial kind of beep that told you when the clothes dryer had finished running; not the ominous beep of live explosives. The modern timers on those were usually silent anyway.
She repeated these facts to herself as she creeped towards the kitchen. She wasn't scared as such, it was more that she just didn't fancy diffusing a bomb in the middle of the night. Understandable really.
As she turned the corner she was greeted with a flashing red timer. Not again. Please not again. But was greeted by only the coffee machine, undoubtedly left on by Tony, pulling another alnighter with Bruce downstairs. Thank god.
She blinked slowly, trying to clear her mind of the remnants of an adrenaline rush. It was working, but then an image of flames rushed across the back of her brain and her eyes flew open. That's... Interesting. She didn't recognise those flames. Normally if she was remembering an explosion it was just sound - she either wasn't facing it, or was too far away to see it in such detail. She closed her eyes again to coax back the images.
They were few and far between, snap shots. Usually her memory was better than that. As she replayed the scenes like GIFs she found she didn't recognise the scenery. A dream then. The recollection of it was continuously fading, but there seemed to be a lot of blood, and that brought back real memories.
The mug clincked as she pulled it out of the cupboard and the coffee machine made a deafening noise as it ground up the beans. Thank god it didn't wake anyone. The swivel chairs at the kitchen island were hard and unwelcoming. Natasha ignored them. It was rare she paid attention to other people's opinions, so she'd be damned if she was going to take suggestions from a stool.
"I'd really prefer it if you didn't try to sneak up on me. Coffee mugs can do more damage to a human skull than you'd realise," she said.
"How'd you know I was there?"
"The slight shift in air pressure, the faint sound of feet on wood and the scrapping of your cardigan against the wall," Natasha replied.
"Really?"
"No. You have incredibly loud foot steps and we have laminate floors," she twisted around on the stool to meet Wanda with a grin, "the cardigan was a guess based on your usual nightwear."
Wanda chuckled as she shuffled over to the coffee machine, clock still flashing. The open weave cardigan was wrapped around her and she stumbled slightly when reaching for a mug, her slightly-too-long pyjamas catching under her feet.
Natasha smiled fondly into her mug at the scene. The affection was followed by a twist of fear. She was used to that by now though and did her best to focus on the more positive emotion.
"I can feel you staring at me like a deer in headlights," Wanda murmured, mostly to herself but Natasha still heard.
"Powers?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm good at mind reading."
Natasha flinched a little at this. Wanda turned around with a small smirk though, "of course I'm not reading your mind. I knew because you never set your mug back down of the table, and that was far too long for you to drink without finishing the whole thing. You also have a habit of watching me when you think I'm not looking."
Natasha's features warmed at this - both relief and apprehension swimming through her.
"For an ex-assassin, you're not particularly subtle around me," Wanda quipped. Oh shit. She took the stool next to Natasha and set the mug down on the table next to hers.
She seemed to expect an answer from Natasha, but all she received was a hum while Natasha stared firmly at her mug. Wanda's face subdued slightly and she turned on the stool to face Natasha.
"You ok?" She asked, brushing back a strand of the faded blonde hair.
Natasha looked up at this and gave a half-hearted smile. "Yeah, I'm fine." The hand never moved from the side of her face. It was... unusual. She wasn't used to being touched with affection and kindness. Not a bad unusual, just unexpected.
She was pulled out of her contemplative state when Wanda kissed her. That wasn't meant to happen. It was only a light kiss and Wanda pulled back quickly but Natasha felt frozen. That's definitely new. She got off the stool slowly and attempted to walk around the kitchen island back to the coffee machine. She didn't get far though, before her knees gave way and she sank down against the cupboards. She was vaguely aware of Wanda asking if she was ok. Stupid question really. This is not how kisses are supposed to go.
She pulled her knees into her chest and looked up at the cup of water Wanda was offering her. What do I do with this? She stared at Wanda as though looking at a ghost - before Wanda sat down opposite her against the kithen island and slid the cup over the floor to her.
It sat there sloshing about for a bit before Natasha picked it up. It was cold against her hands and tasted of emptiness.
"What happened?" Wanda asked softly.
A long pause ensued.
"I don't really know."
"Tell me whenever you're ready," Wanda replied with a gentle smile, "we've got all night."
A deep breath filled the silent kitchen before Natasha spoke. "I don't know if I can trust you after what happened with Ultron. Don't get me wrong, I like you - as a friend and, you know - but I do this sort of thing a lot to get information out of others, and I don't know if I'm being manipulated or not."
"In that case, I think I have a solution, but it will need your trust..." Wanda answered carefully. "When I look into other people's minds - well, the door opens both ways. If you let me, I can show you my mind and you can see that I'm telling the truth."
"I don't- I don't know."
"Only if you allow it."
"Can I end the connection whenever?"
"It requires skin to skin contact. Anytime you feel uncomfortable you can just let go of my hand."
"...Ok."
Wanda shuffled fowards and took the hand Natasha offered. "Imagine your mind as a room. It will make this easier." She closed her eyes and focused on the hand in hers, searching for a consciousness. It was hard to notice at first - the low grade surf of emotions, primarily anxiety, that represented Natasha. Once found though, Wanda concentrated on it, as though pulling herself closer, to submerge herself in it.
Natasha sat with her eyes closed, focusing solely on the feel of Wanda's presence washing over her. It was a strange, suffocating sort of feeling, like being pulled under water. A thought came into her mind, to breathe normally. It wasn't hers though. She could feel her heart rate increasing, and Wanda's thumbs smoothing over her skin in the real world. It didn't help much, because while it was comforting, it also gave her butterflies.
You've got to breathe normally. Focus on me. I'm not going to do anything, I'm just staying here. I can wait.
Normally Natasha wouldn't believe words like these, but there was something about the thought that just seemed inately right and truthful.
How do I stop you from seeing something I don't want you to see?
Focus on the room around you. Everything is in its place, there's nothing here to remind you of something you don't want to think about. You control how the room looks, so as long as you don't change the room, the thoughts you don't want me to see will stay as background noise that I can't hear.
Wanda found herself standing in a big, white room. Practically sterile. A square block of white nothingness. Seemed fitting for the entrance to Natasha's mind. Nothing to suggest emotions, attachments or ideas. If Natasha was art, the painting was on the opposite side of the canvas. The smooth, white fabric was all the audience got to see, while Natasha grinned slyly at the clever message she'd painted on the back.
It was quite the opposite for Wanda's mind. As their two consciousnesses melded, Natasha found she was standing in a beautiful room. The floor, door frames and window frames were all dark oak and all of varying sizes and shapes. A couple of plants sat on the more orthodox-shaped windows and trailed down the cream walls. There was a rug in the centre of the floor. It was red and covered in patterns, so mixed up that it looked like some one had had a silly string fight there. The sofa and armchairs were all squishy and low to the ground - Natasha resisted the urge to flop down on one - and they were litered with embroidered cushions. It wasn't what she'd expected. Although, she hadn't really expected anything, as such.
How does this work then?
Ask me something, you'll know if it's the truth or not.
Do you like pickles on burgers?
Absolutely.
Now I know that's a lie. I can feel it.
You see. Ask me something else.
Did you know what you were doing when you joined Hydra?
Yes. I wasn't a confused child like Steve makes me out to be. I knew full well that their modus operandi was less that moral, but I was grieving for my parents and had no outlet other than Pietro. I wanted revenge to I took the opportunity that presented itself.
Why did you leave, then?
I like to think it's because I matured. I can't live a life driven by rage and hate. That benefits no one. I saw the death I'd caused, and the death I was probably going to create, so I stopped to look at it from another viewpoint. I like that viewpoint better, so here I am.
Can I trust you then? Would you ever betray me or the others?
To the best of my knowledge, yes. You can trust me. I've grown attached to everyone over the last few years. I would like to consider you all my friends at the very least and I wouldn't go back to Hydra for anything. I wouldn't betray you.
I can see any sort of deceit... Would I be able to tell?
You would be able to tell. If I think of Tony Stark dead...
Sadness, loss, anger and desperation. You... Wish you'd had more time to get to know him because in the end you looked up to him.
Yes.
You should tell him, you know, if you want to know him better. He wouldn't mind some company in his lab every now and then.
Maybe. I hope so. Do you want to know anything else?
Yes. Why did you kiss me?
Because I've wanted to for a while, but you scare me. I guess being sleep deprived gave me extra confidence.
Oh.
Can't you feel it?
What?
Love - for you.
It seemed obvious now. The room oozed with it. Natasha hadn't noticed earlier, she was focusing on whether Wanda's thoughts were true or not, but now it surrounded and engulfed her. She gave in to the urge to flop on the sofa now. It was sort of over whelming.
Wanda turned in circles in Natasha's mind. Something had changed and she was trying to figure out what. The room didn't seem empty anymore, but the white walls still stayed strong and flat. She turned slower, paying close attention for everything. It's easy to be fooled by an expanse of nothing, because it can be interpreted as anything.
Not this time though. A door was in the corner of the room. It might have always been there, but Wanda only saw it now. She opened it gently. Emotions flooded out. She noticed the subtle strands of sadness and anxiety first, but that was because she was used to looking for them. The overpowering emotion was one she wasn't nearly as familiar with as she should be. That was ok though. Natasha could make up for the lack of love in her past. It was ok because Natasha loved her too.
I'm going to let go of your hand now, ok?
Ok.
It was a weird feeling, opening her eyes. Sort of like relaxing, now she didn't have concentrate on the trains of thought she followed or the emotions she expressed internally. Natasha also felt tired. It was way too late - early really - for these sorts of revelations. She tipped her head back against the cupboards and closed her eyes, revelling in the emptiness behind them, watching patterns of colours she couldn't name swirl.
There was a shuffling noise and Natasha cracked open an eye to see Wanda sitting next to her. Gingerly, Natasha put out an arm to wrap around Wanda's waist, pulling her closer. It was a nice, warm feeling. Without the stab of fear that usually followed. This is something I should try more often.
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Sleeping was not meant to be that painful. Everything ached when Natasha woke up. Light was shining through the blinds and making a ladder in shadows on the wall behind her. She slipped her arm out from Wanda and went to address the indignant beeping coming from the coffee machine.
As she turned the machine off at the wall, she glanced back at Wanda - still dead to the world. She could feel a smile creeping over her face and didn't bother to stop it. It felt nice, not having to look over her shoulder to check whether she could share her emotions or not. Well, at least about this particular person.
Bacon wouldn't be too noisy to fry, right? She didn't want to wake Wanda up just yet. It had been a long night. Nah, everyone likes being woken up by bacon frying.
The rashers were just going a crisp dark pink when Natasha felt gentle arms wrap around her waist. She fought the urge to whip around and instead relaxed into Wanda's embrace.
"You sleep well?" Wanda asked.
"Yeah, just fine"
"Sorry for startling you..." Apparently Wanda had seen the nervous twitch of Natasha's shoulders then.
Time to change the subject, "would you mind doing the eggs?" Natasha fought the bacon out of the pan and onto a plate while Wanda fished around in the cupboards for the eggs.
They sat in silence while the eggs sizzled. Both wanted to break it but neither knew how.
Finally, "are you ok after last night?" Wanda looked concerned but refrained from rubbing Natasha's arm after the last reaction.
"Sort of."
"Yeah?"
"Well, I'm glad you mean no harm. And that you love me," she added quickly: it was true, just not her point right now. "But, I've never had a relationship before that was - well - normal. I've only ever done it because I need something out of the other person - not because I felt any sort of romantic connection to them." She took a moment to compose her next words. "I don't really know what to expect and that scares me a bit."
"I haven't had a relationship since me and another boy in kindergarten got fake married for the Christmas play, so you know, we're at least on the same page."
Natasha gave a small chuckle at the story and Wanda allowed herself to take Natasha's hand. She ran her fingers up over the back of the hand Natasha was resting on the table. Natasha didn't flinch this time. Instead she turned her hand over and let Wanda's fingers ramble over her palm. It was weirdly soothing.
"As far as I know," Wanda continued, "a relationship can be whatever you want it to be, as long as everyone included agrees. Usually it consists of dinners at your favourite diner facing Central Park and then evening walks to the lake there, though. I've also heard that there are movie nights where I get to wrap you up on the sofa and watch you laugh at Weekend At Bernie's, because as much as you claim that the humour is childish, I know you find it hilarious. There's glasses of wine while admiring the view from the top of the tower on holidays too - or if you just want to relax."
She took a breath to meet Natasha's eyes before continuing.
"In my opinion though, the best bit is the fact that you can talk to the other person. You can tell them anything from how your day was at work to asking for help making the bed because you keep tangling up the sheets. You can tell them about the little things that bother you so you can both avoid them, and you can tell them you fears because you both know the other loves you and would never laugh at you or turn them against you. I can tell you that I'm incredibly claustrophobic after the bombing of my home and I know that you'll listen and respect that."
Wanda rubbed the palm of her unoccupied hand against her eyes. She wasn't crying, that was for certain, but it still hurt thinking about her family.
"You can tell me whatever you need to as well. Whatever you're happy with, and I will support you. That seem to be the best part of a relationship."
Wanda stopped to observe Natasha again, who was absolutely wrapped up in the image Wanda was painting. A gentle smile spread across her face as Wanda finished talking - and Wanda knew it was real because she had the little creases around the corners of her eyes.
"That sounds good," Natasha replied. Her own fingers had taken to clasping Wanda's as she had spoken and they were now tightly pressed together.
"I'll get the eggs, I can smell them burning," Wanda laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of Natasha's head as she passed.
Huh. No one's ever done that before. This romance thing could be pretty nice.
"So, the good news is that the eggs are edible. The bad news is that the yolks are entirely solid." Wanda snapped Natasha out of her thoughts.
"Oh I don't mind. I usually prefer the yolk solid."
"But then how can you dip the bacon in it?" Wanda puzzled.
"People do that?"
"Yes people do that. And it tastes amazing," Wanda answered, mouth full of bacon.
"Mhmm."