I shook my head looking at her, a smile on my face but not one of excitement like I feel she was hoping for, rather one of complete shock and betrayal. I was still in utter disbelief that she hid this from me, to the point where I wasn't really sure how to act. I ran my hand over my neck, looking down at the ground before looking back up at her, quickly averting my gaze as I turned my back towards her. Both of my hands came up to my face as I ran them slowly down, pulling the skin with them as I tried to let this all sink in.
I stood with my back towards her for several minutes, before finally gathering myself enough to be able to talk to her, "how old is he Charlie?" I asked her in a tone that was slightly more harsh and ragged then what it should've been, completely forgetting that our parents were in the room. I kept my gaze intent on her as I slid my hands back in my pockets tilting my head at her as I raised my eyebrows. "What? Did you forget how old our son is now too? Or is that something else you just want to keep a secret from me" I spat out, more angry than I wanted to be at that moment.
I saw her face twist into a surge of emotions as the tears started to fall from her eyes. A part of me wanted to run up and wipe them away, telling her that it was all going to be okay, but I knew deep inside that I couldn't do that because those words weren't filled with 100% truth. I didn't know if it was going to be okay, I didn't know if we were going to be okay. She took a deep shaky breath, sniffing in some of her tears as she quietly answered me.
"He's three Austin, he'll be four in a few months" she said, placing her lips gently to his head as she looked at me, her eyes pleading for understanding as she started to walk over towards me as I started backing up from her yet again. I put both hands on the side of my head shaking it gently as I tried to comprehend what she had just said to me. Sure he looked older, but I didn't think he was that old. I looked up at her, my face a mix of anger and sadness as I started talking to her in a louder voice than necessary.
"Are you fucking kidding me Charlie! He's fucking four years old! And not once, did you ever fucking think to tell me that we had a baby, not once!? How could you be so fucking selfish to not... to not share this with me?" I asked, my tone and look becoming soft and filled with sadness as I looked at her as my lips spit out the last six words.
She wasn't able to hold it in any longer as the tears started to pour out of her eyes like rain washing down a gutter in a heavy downpour. I don't know who did it, or when it happened but my son was out of her arms quickly as she walked up to me grabbing my hand in both of hers. I looked down at it momentarily, thinking deeply if I wanted to keep it there when I pulled it away from her only causing the tears to spill harder. "Austin please, I thought I was doing you a favor. I didn't want to ruin your chance at living your dream. I didn't want to make you feel like you were tied down before you even had the chance to see if you could do it. Please, I did it for you" she cried, falling to her knees in front of me as her hands enveloped her face, her shoulders shaking heavily.
I took a deep breath and crouched down in front of her, at least giving her the decency to talk to her like a human instead of talking down on her like an animal. I pulled her hands away from her face, her head still hanging low as she continued to sob uncontrollably. Her words still hadn't really registered with any part of me and maybe if they had I would've seen the sincerity behind her gaze as I put my finger under her chin pulling her head up to look at me, but in this moment it wouldn't have mattered.
"Did you ever think that maybe you would've done me a better favor by telling me that I had a son with the girl I love. There's no better dream than that Charlie" I said, both of our eyes filled with so much sadness as she started to cry again.
"Austin I am so sorry, I am so sorry I hid him from you. I thought I was doing the right thing. Please forgive me, please" she begged, her hands coming up to grab my left one in both of hers as I slowly shook my head back and forth.
"I don't know if I can Charlie" I said in a shaking voice, my words making her crumble as she fell to the ground, Jodie and her Mom quickly walking over to her as they tried to comfort her the best that they could, when deep down I knew the only comfort that would get her through this would be for me to hold her and tell her that it was all okay, promising her that I would never leave her, just like I did outside the house moment ago. But, I don't think I was able to do that. I wasn't ready, and to be honest I didn't know if I would ever be ready.
Regardless of what my emotions were right now, seeing her like this killed me, I couldn't stand here anymore and look at her with zero control over her body or her emotions. I quickly pushed myself up, lacing my fingers behind my neck as I looked between my Dad and Mr. Roman. "I'm sorry. No disrespect, but I don't know what y'all were expecting, but I'm sorry" I said quickly, looking down at Charlie one more time as she laid in a ball on the floor, my eyes drifting over towards my son who was looking on the brink of tears himself, his arms reaching out and calling Daddy as I shook my head and walked out the door.
I slammed it harder than intended as I walked out towards my car, my wrists leaning up against the top of the door jam, my hands balled into fists that I rested my forehead against them. I started breathing heavy as I felt all of the emotions I was holding inside of me break free, the tears sliding from my eyes as I brought my fist down hard on the top of the car, not even caring if I did any kind of damage to the rental.
I couldn't believe that she hid something like this from me. I don't care what she thought she was doing it for, or how good she thought her intentions were. There are certain things that you hide from someone, but their child is not one of them. I don't care how I let her leave me that day, or the fact that I was with someone. He was ours, and despite everything I loved Charlie. I would've done anything and everything to be with her and my son. I laughed to myself just slightly finally thinking back to the conversation I had with Mark earlier today about kids, wondering why he was bringing it up to me. I don't know why I didn't put two and two together, I was so fucking stupid. The anger that made me feel pulsing through my veins again as I brought my fist back down hard on the top of the car.
For a second the horrible thought crossed my mind that it was all a lie, a sick trick to see what I would do if this were reality, but there was no denying he was mine. He looked just like me when I was a baby, I felt like I was looking at my very own baby pictures. He was adorable, and I knew that Charlie was doing an amazing job at raising him to be a kind and respectful boy. There was no doubt that I would have done everything I could to be there with them, but the fact that she kept him from me made me feel like she thought I couldn't do it. I shook my head, bringing my hands down from the top of the car as I started to reach out to open the door when my father walked out to me.
He stood just a few feet away from me, his hands in his pockets as his stare bore through me. "You don't even want to meet him son?" he asked me slowly and calmly. I started rubbing my hand over the back of my neck, shoving my right hand in my pocket as I looked down and into the drivers side of the Mercedes.
"I..I don't know" I said, being as honest as I could be with him. I truly didn't know if I wanted to get to know him. I didn't know if I would be able to sit there and talk to his little boy who clearly knew me, but I didn't even know what his favorite color was.
"I understand your anger Austin, but" he started as I cut him off.
"But what Dad? Am I supposed to go in there and forgive her and tell her it's all okay that she hid my son from me for four years!? Am I supposed to sweep them both in my arms and automatically be this happy family that we should've been since the day she found out she was pregnant with him?" I said loudly, my hands flying in front of me quickly as they always did when I got mad and talked with them more than normal.
"I'll give you my honest answer. As the person I raised you to be, and the position of maturity you were just put in, that's exactly what you should do regardless of what she did. But, you are your own person son and I can only hope the values I tried to teach you have stuck" his words filling me heavily with guilt. I knew he was right, I knew that regardless I should talk to her and hear her out, actually sit and listen to her reasoning for doing what she did and then forgive her and be there for her like she and my son needed me to be.
I looked up at him, tears forming in my eyes as I started to explain myself to him, "dad I know I should, but she hid him from me. It makes me feel like she thought I wasn't going to be the person she thought Austy needed for his Dad" I said starting to stumble over my words.
"I would've been there for her. I would've been happy that she was having our baby. I mean shit, I know it isn't an ideal situation at 18, but I never would've left her. I would've made sure that they had everything they needed" I said, letting my tears fall freely in his presence.
He walked up to me putting his arms around me, something he hasn't done in years and he let me cry. The pain I was feeling at such a big secret was killing me inside, and crying was far better than getting angry.
"Austin, do you love her?" he asked me. I let out a small chuckle before a huge smile spread across my face.
"Despite this, yes. I always have Dad" I said wiping at the tears under my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest as I waited for him to continue.
"I'm not telling you what to do Austin, but despite all of this, you made a promise to that amazing and strong young lady in there. You deserve to hear her side before you blow out of here like the wind, this time completely devastating her world" I don't know why I was shocked that he knew exactly what I had intended to do. If he didn't walk out of here, I would've made my way to the hotel, grabbed my bag and headed straight to the airport to head back to LA... without her.
I knew it would kill her, but at this point I didn't care. What she had done to me was far worse than anything I have ever done to her, and she could've prevented all of it if she just told me about our son. I looked up at my Dad, shaking my head just slightly, "she hid him from me Dad" I said quietly. "How do you forgive that?"
"Shit happens Austin. When she first told us about him, she was filled with so much grief that she didn't tell you. She wanted to, she wanted to tell you so bad. Austin, what she told you was the truth. She didn't want to ruin your dream. She knew how important that was to you, to go to LA and make it big. She didn't want you to give up everything and run back here, she didn't want you to feel obligated to love her she wanted you to do it on your own" he said, his head tilting to the side in the same fashion that I often did.
Despite my thoughts just moments ago that she pretty much deserved what I did to her because she hid our son from me, my heart broke for her. She honestly had thought I didn't love her one bit and that her telling me about our son would force me into loving her. Not to mention she wore the weight on her shoulders of being solely responsible so I could be in LA living out my rockstar ambition. I looked up at my Dad giving a slight head nod before running my hand over the back of my neck.
"Okay, I'll talk to her. I'll be at the hotel. I don't want to do this in front of everyone" I said, my eyes staying connected with his.
"Do you want her to bring your son?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows. The question sounding so foreign to me that I laughed a little when he asked me that question. Although I would like to get to know him, I think I should rectify things with Charlie before I spent some time with my son.
"Uh no, I think I need to fix things with Charlie first" I said, reaching out and pulling the black handle on the car as I climbed halfway in. "I'm at the Four Seasons in Dallas. Charlie knows where to find me" I said with the hint of a smile. I closed the door behind me, pressing the button to start the engine as I quickly pulled out of the driveway and headed down the street to my hotel.
I knew that I had to talk to her, I knew that I had to fix this. I love Charlie even though she hid Austy from me, I loved her so much. I couldn't help but think how my life would be different right now if she told me about our son. I could be here in Dallas with her, or we could be back in Syracuse. I could be with her, raising our son together. I know she said she was trying to save my dream and let me do what I have always wanted to do, but what I said to her was true. There was no better dream then finding out you have a son with the girl that you love. I felt myself start to cry again as a mix of anger and sadness built up inside of me. How the fuck could she do this to me?
Without thinking I pulled out my phone quickly dialing Dre as I let it ring.
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A/N: Well that happened. What do you think? Are they going to overcome this? Is Austin going to keep to his word and talk to her? Will he ever feel comfortable enough to meet his son?? What about Charlie, did she actually do the right thing? Let me know what you think!!
Update schedule
2/15: I know your scared of the unknown
2/16: What happens in vegas
2/17: I'm No Good at Goodbyes
2/18: Chance Encounters
2/19: Changed Since Texas
2/20: I know your scared of the unknown
2/21: What Happens In Vegas