Ocean
"What am I doing?"
I said out loud, as a sense of remorse piled up inside me. I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes tightly. I tried to quickly rewind the film as my inner voice screamed at me.
At this point I already had the feeling that I did not have the strength to fight my demons. I am about to betray the person who helped me when nobody else did. I am about to betray myself.
I squeezed my eyelids even harder and with one deep exhale, I pressed the switch with my right hand. Third on the left, on the control panel, elegantly hidden behind a wooden panel in the surveillance room. When no one was in it.
As it was written to me in the report in the folder I received from Ian.
03.07pm the guard goes for coffee every day
03.09pm entry to the surveillance room. Press the third switch on the left to disable the cameras in his office.
03.11pm start of task execution.03.17pm return of the guard
I strode to the door of his office and put my hand on the doorknob. The moment I enter, there is no going back. The moment I open the door, I will step into the downfall of my salvation. Everything that was intact and innocent in my life until now, will be stained.
I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth, which went straight to my mental court for self-punishment, and stepped into his office. Jaxon's office.
I had to act fast until the guard came back and realized the cameras weren't working and turned them on.
I looked around the area and hurriedly approached the bookshelf. I counted the fifth line from the top and panickedly searched for the specific book title.
'' The art of war '' by Sun Tzu.
Sweat dripped from my forehead as the hand of my wristwatch struck like thunder, reminding me that I had to be fast and that there was no room for mistakes.
''There you are.''
When I finally found a well-preserved book with a very old cover, I took it out, as well as five books on either side of it.
As it was written to me in the report that I got from Ian.
Low and wide, a small safe was visible before my eyes.
2109
I remembered the code that was delivered to me and quickly typed the numbers on a small electronic keyboard. The sound of unlocking echoed through my sensitive ears and I nervously glanced at my watch.
03.14
My breath stopped in my throat when I quickly opened the safe and there before my eyes it stood. Yellow sealed envelope. I reached out and took it, when something cold rubbed my fingers. A gun.
A swarm of thoughts began to wander through my head, and I simply didn't have time for that now. I quickly closed the safe door and memorized the scene that was in front of me.
I began to put the books back in their place, in the order in which I took them off the shelf. Out of great excitement and adrenaline caused by fear, with my trembling hands I knocked down pile of books that landed roughly on the floor.
"Fuck!"
I cursed softly and picked them up off the floor, putting them back on the shelf. Definitely not the way they were supposed to be ordered.
I hid the yellow envelope under my blouse and hurried to the door. I opened them to make sure no one was in the hallway and went out.
Relief suddenly began to spread through my body as my trembling legs carried me to the reception. I sat down on a chair and took a deep breath that barely made it to my lungs.
I looked at what time it was. 03.17pm
I straighten my head and in that very moment, guard passed by the counter, carrying a cup of coffee.
My lips quivered and a quiet tear slid down my cheek. And another one. And a couple more of them that soaked my cheeks, extinguishing the fire that radiated from them. I put my palm over my mouth to prevent myself from letting out a scream.
And it was at that moment that I betrayed everything I considered sacred. Honesty and honor.
After about half an hour, still shivering softly, I packed my things and headed home. I walked to my apartment, trampling the gray asphalt under my feet.
I needed the wind to whip me with its invisible slaps. To blow away these feelings that were eating me alive. I lied and betrayed everyone. Jaxon, Kaden and most of all my mother. Which surely sheds bitter tears from heaven, mourning my life that has gone astray.
At that moment, something fell on my forehead and made me look up at the sky. Heavenly rain from the skies fell harder and more numerous, wetting the streets and the buildings around me.
The phone vibrated constantly in my purse. I took it out and saw Kaden's name. As the drops poured down the screen, I declined the call, placing the phone back in my purse.
Soon a light rain turned into a downpour showering me with its watery gusts. When I found myself in front of my building, I was wet and exhausted.
A black SUV was parked in front of the entrance to the building. Knowing who was hiding behind the dark windows, I went to the back door and knocked on the glass.
The black glass slid down, wiping the drops that had stuck to it. Ian's scar flashed before my eyes. I didn't have the strength for him, as an empire was collapsing inside me. The empire of a young girl who has just buried her dreams under the rubbles.
I took the envelope out of my bag and pushed it out the window, turned around and left. I was not ready for further conversation with Ian.
As I walked to the door, I heard the engine start and the sound of tires breaking through water ponds on city streets. He got what he wanted and left. For now.
I entered the apartment while water was still dripping from me. I remained so stiff in place as a quiet shiver crept through my body, announcing a fever that slowly began to shake me.
There was a bell and a knock on my door.
'' Ocean! Ocean, open the goddam door! "
Kaden's worried voice thundered behind closed doors. I picked up the phone and saw 10 missed calls.
"Ocean, I'll break down the door!"
I approached the door, with one hand on the doorknob and closed my mouth with the other to cover up the quiet sobs. The tears that flowed down my face merged with the raindrops, which erased the trace of their existence.
I unlocked and an enraged Kaden burst into the room.
'' Ocean, why didn't you answer the phone? I thought something happened to you! "
He came over and wrapped his big palms around my face as he looked me straight in the eyes. I was motionless. I wanted to say something, but my mouth was sealed. Like that yellow envelope I gave Ian.
"Fuck, don't do this to me anymore. You can't even imagine what's going on in my head. I couldn't stand for something to happen to you, for someone to hurt you. . . ''
The words left his lips, and I don't think he was aware of what he was saying. It was as if he was thinking out loud. Why was he worried so much?
'' I'm fine Kaden. I walked home and the rain soaked me completely. I didn't have time to talk to you. "
Somehow I found the strength and I uttered.
With the fingers of his hand, he removed the wet strands of hair behind my ears and wiped the drops that flowed down my face. He ran his thumb over my lips, forcing me to part them.
He approached me, leaning his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.
'' I can't deal with the fact that you're mentally or physically distant from me. I don't know what you did to me, but you consumed my mind. "
He embraced my lips with his hot and full clouds of tenderness. And it really seemed like I was there. On the clouds, with him.
I hugged him, indulging in his soothing caresses.
"You're all wet, you'll catch a cold."
He whispered through the kisses, when I took his hand and led him to the bathroom. I opened the glass door of the shower stall and let out a strong stream of hot water.
Kaden joined me as our hands intertwined in an attempt to take each other off.
I barely parted from his passionate kisses, and went into the shower taking my clothes off. He looked at me with a smirk on his face, as he slowly unbuttoned the shirt with his fingers.
The last piece of my clothes fell on the wet tiles, leaving me completely naked in front of him. With his sculpted body, of divine appearance, he approached me slowly, as I followed with my fingers the drops of hot water that flowed down his skin.
With his full and sensual lips, he started kissing my shoulders and neck. I threw my head back as my loose hair fell over my back. I moaned into his kiss, as we caressed each other.
I straightened up and looked at his deep blue pools soaking up every part of me. I kissed him gently, closing my eyes tightly and fondled his beautiful face.
''I have to tell you something. . . ''