Studying for my exams kept me busy for the next days. I spent them in the library again, mostly to help Blaise with Potion and Maribel helping me in Herbology.
She seemed happier, more relax. That's probably caused by her secret meetups with Cedric. This time they were more patient, more secure than earlier this year.
If our parents found out they started to associate again, it wouldn't end up in a simple conversation in father's study. It would have consequences. More serious this time.
I helped her sneaking out after curfew since I was the one sneaking to the astronomy tower for years in the night. And sometimes I waited on the tower until she came back to return to the dungeons.
It were those nights in which I just spent my hours looking at the sky, learning about the planets while I watched them through the spectator glasses. I always was a night owl, it's like my mind worked better when the sun went down.
A week after the second task my legs were completely fine again. They were just plastered with marks of the Grindylows' tentacles, but they were soon gone. On Maribels' too.
Mother sent me a letter afterDumbledore informed my parents about what happened. They were angry, andworried. But Maribel and I wrote an answer to say we're fine - it seemed toplease them enough.
Draco and I didn't talk, at all. He seemed to vanish when I came in the room, to take the corridors he knew I wouldn't cross on that time of the day. And worst of all, he didn't tell me what I did wrong. I hated that I thought about it in any free second. I hated that I was too proud to stop him after lesson and ask him.
It was for a cold evening in the last February week when I climbed the stairs to the tower after Maribel left towards the Greenhouse where she met Cedric for an evening stroll, that I saw him.
If he was still trying to avoid me, he's a foul. It was Wednesday. On Wednesday I came here every week for the past year to watch the movements.
Professor Sinistra assured us to do this on the same time to compare and recognize slightly differences in their orbits.
"What do you want", I said calmly as I approached the floor, not caring to stand still as Draco turned around and watched me carefully. I laid down my books and notes near the spectator glasses, letting my gaze wander over the grounds for a second.
"Do you wanted your sweater back?", I asked. I tried to keep my voice steady, normal, even though my heart hammered in excitement to be alone with him the first time since he left my dorm.
His eyes lingered on me, burning into my skin like he branded me. But I wouldn't crumble, I wouldn't give in. It still something I wouldn't do.
"There's no quidditch match until next year anyway", the boy then said, breathing out as if he was relieved to finally say something.
"What is it then?", I asked again.
Dracos' figure shifted. He leant against the railing with his elbow on the edge when he looked at me for the first time in days. I mean longer than a quick blink to see where I'm coming from to head in the other direction.
"I'm not good in this", he simply said as if this was the excuse for everything. I raised my eyebrow and looked at him while he bit down on his bottom lip, wiping in his feet.
"What do you mean?", I questioned and directed my eyes through the glass, pretending as if I actually spectated instead of simply trying to avoid his grey eyes on me.
„This", he moved his hand between us. „I'm not used to care. Or worry. Or to an honest, true friendship, not just connections because of my family's name. And if I'm not used to something, I'm bad at it."
I ignored the stab when he said friendship. The poisoned ivy crawling through my body. And I managed at least enough to stay focused.
„I was just-", Draco stopped to find the right words. „I'm just not used to it, okay?"
I huffed amused at his attempt and turned around to look at him again. It was funny seeing him tensing up under my gaze, nudging on his lip and tracing his hand through his hair nervously.
„You know where you're bad at, too? Apologies", I snickered and looked through the glass again.
„I don't do apologies", Draco scuffed and leaned against the railing, much more relaxed this time. With a side gaze I looked at him, his white hair shining in the light of the moon, his eyes amused, and his lips slightly parted now.
„You ignored me", I said slowly. „Because you got scared?"
The boy took his time with the answer, he seemed to get lost in his thought on his search for the truth. But by the familiar little wrinkles and the small nod, I knew he found it.
„It sounds bad when you say it like that, but yeah", he whispered amused.
„You said all of this meantnothing", I added. Speaking the words out myself was more bitter than Ithought. It tasted like the hurting I felt the last days.
„That's not -„, Draco stumbled over his words. „That's not true. You believe me, right?"
When I looked at him again, his face was pleading. He appeared almost as a little boy trying his hardest to get some confirmation. Maybe even some true honesty. So I nodded.
The night was quiet, eery with not even a light breeze tingling my skin. There was no cloud, nothing keeping the stars hidden. It was so beautiful to look at, that I felt so wonderful little and insignificant under them. Such a good difference.
"What constellation is best to see in February?", Draco stepped back and came closer until he stood on my left side next to the glass I was looking through. The hair on my back stood on end as his suit jacket stroked my bare hand resting on the frame.
"Gemini. One of my favorites", I whispered and smiled as I found the constellation on the sky.
"Tell me about it", the blonde haired took another step to look with me through the glass. His hand came hesitantly around my waist to take a closer look. My body immediately reacted to the closeness, burned under my jacket. I felt as if the winter coat was pathetic to wear, the heat underneath it was radiating over my skin, keeping my blood rushing, and pumping in my veins.
"It's the smaller one over there, kinda look like two stick figures holding hands, do you see it?", I took a step to let him see through the spectator fully. And to keep a little distance to steady my mind.
"Yeah", Draco pinched his one eye close and smiled as he saw it.
I walked to the edge, laying my hands on the cold metal, and looked up.
"It's also called the twins, named after Castor and Pollux. Two Greek heroes under the lead of Jason on his voyages on the Argo. According to the myth, they were actually half-brothers with different fathers. The king of Sparta Tyndareus and Zeus himself. But they were known as the Great twins. Also called Meshlamtaea and Lugalirra, which means 'The One who has arisen from the Underworld' and 'Mighty King'. I think they were pretty different."
"Like you and Maribel?", Draco chuckled and came up to the edge too. Not as close as he stood earlier, but close enough for me to feel it.
Draco was right as I thought about it. Maribel and I were different, but other than Castor and Pollux, we were twins without a doubt. Mother always said that she wouldn't thought we were some if it wasn't for her giving birth and seeing it herself.
"Yeah, kind of", I smiled and looked at Draco. "Which one am I? The mighty queen or the one who has arisen from the underworld?"
The blonde boy eyed me for a second, swallowed at his words when my lips appeared as a smile. An honest and interested one.
"The one I like to be around. Even if I shouldn't.", Draco said in a serious voice, his grey orbs flickered between my green ones, searching for something to hold on to. Maybe even to see if I understood the meaning of his words. But I didn't.
"Why shouldn't you?", I asked confused, but he already turned himself away. He pushed his body from the railing, took a deep breath and stood still.
It was fine with me.
I saw that something was on his mind, something important, something bothering him. But I wouldn't dig on that and I wouldn't ask about it either. Somehow, I knew, that Draco would come up with a lie, with a convincing one of course, because he was probably as good in lying then I was. And I rather had him stay silent then lie to me.
I heard an owl squeaking somewhere near, another bird I couldn't recognize answering. It was so peaceful out there that I already made myself ready for something destroying it. Too quiet, too soft, too good for exciting times like that.
When I laid my eyes on Draco again, he looked at me with a smile, stood back and held out his hand. He reminded me of the dancing lesson we had with Snape before the Yule Ball, the same smiling expression, the same slightly bowed figure.
"What are you doing?", I chuckled, but took his hand without hesitation.
He immediately pulled me closer and laid his other one around my waist like he did back in my dorm. His movements were quick but soft as he started to sway back and forth.
"I feel like I owe you a dance from the Yule Ball", he smiled down, hoping this didn't sound pathetic. But it really wasn't, it was actually pretty romantic and calming on the tower under the clear night sky.
"I thought you hate dancing", I chuckled and pulled myself against his shoulder to rest my chin on it, looking over his figure across the grounds again.
"I do", Draco said. "Just like you."
We didn't need music; we already knew the rhythm by heart. That's what we did most of the time. This was what we were taught as kids. Well, probably not be that close like we were in this moment, not with my head on his shoulder, my arm came around his, grabbing it softly. If mother or father would've seen me like that, they would probably be not amused at all.
One arm length at any time. I knew the rule.
"I have a question", I said after a few minutes of silently moving in the fresh air.
"Naturally", Draco snickered, but didn't stop to move.
"If you could have anything in this world right now, what would it be?"
I didn't know why this question came into my mind, maybe because I was thinking about how desperately I would love to change anything right now. Be a normal girl, be someone who stumbled over her own feet in the attempt of dancing. A girl who felt excited when she got invited to a ball, buying dressing robes, not someone who was tired of it. Be a girl whose first dance was right now, with the boy who made her heart beating so fast that she feared he would notice, with the boy who made her realize that it wasn't particular bad letting someone in and not on a family banquet under the watch of potential business partners with sons.
"Oh, that's deep", Draco breathed out, but I could hear the smirk crawling back to his face as he slightly looked down. "But presumably the ability to do with my life whatever I want."
"And now you can't?"
"People like us never can, Tiara."
Partly he was right with that. There was always someone telling us what's best. Always a hand on the shoulder to guide. Always a mouth to speak for us. But other than Maribel - and probably a lot of daughters and sons in our status - I wasn't going to obey just like that. I refused.
"That's a really dark point of view.", I admitted.
"But the one I was taught to have", Draco answered. His smirk was gone, I knew that without even looking. He sounded different, more distant, sadder.
I stopped in my tracks to pull back a little and looked in his eyes. First, he looked confused, but to my pleasure his other hand came around my waist too, he didn't pull back completely. He kept me close.
"I think we all can do something against forces telling us what to do with our life. It's still mine, I have to live with it, no one else." I chose my words carefully to find the right ones, but by the small smile appearing back on his lips, I thought I did.
"I wish you were right", the boy said and looked down.
As his eyes met mine again, I thought I was bursting in a million pieces by the pure silver lingering on me. I felt my skin burning under his gaze, my heart thundering in my throat as I automatically leaned forward.
It was like Professor Sinistra explained us stellar collisions. Two stars on the same orbit, pulled together by gravity, destined to collide and creating an all drowning nova.
Maybe Draco and I were stars on the same orbit. Maybe we were destined to collide.
„I'm going to kiss you now, Tiara.", Draco's words, his breath tingled the skin over my lip as my own breathing changed to the same pacing rhythm he had.
As soon as our lips touched for the first time, I knew how stars must felt, imploding by their connection. But I also knew that I never wanted to feel anything other ever again.
His lips were soft, almost as soft as a water surface when you lay your hand on it, slightly touching. His hands came up to cup my face, putting a small pressure on my jaw, pulling me closer at the same time. Making me melt like wax over fire. My own hands reached under his jacket, tracing over the fabric of his shirt on his side until my arms were laid around his back. I made him shiver, melting too, smiling into the kiss.
It wasn't rushed, it wasn't heated. It was just patient and pure. Anything different than I expected it to be kissing Draco Malfoy. But much more than I could've asked for.
Maybe this was the way it had to be. Maybe I needed to hate him all this years to fall even more right now.
And I was falling deeply.
I really wished it would've came that way. That Draco was the one person, the gravity keeping me in my orbit like he managed to not let me vanish after I imploded in his hands.
But that's the thing with gravity, isn't it? You don't realize it's there, all around you, every day, keeping you in line, keeping you steady and grounded.
Until you lose it along with the hold on earth.