January twenty sixth came faster than Blake would have wanted to. It was officially two years without her dad. She honestly felt guilty that she wasn't feel as sad as she was last year. She still felt sad, but not to the point where she refused to even leave her bed.
She hated how it was getting easier to get over his death. She felt guilty for not being sad the rest of her life about her best friends passing, especially if it's only been two years. But she knew that her dad wouldn't want her to always be sad. She knew she would have if Jace wasn't in the picture, always distracting her thoughts and making her happy.
She was frustrated. In her mind, she didn't think she should be okay to leave the bed this day because of what it holds.
So instead of getting ready for school, she changed into baggy shorts and a loose tank top before going to her workout room.
It seemed like a foreign room. She hasn't been in there in a while and she hated how she had gotten so rusty. So she punched the punching bag over and over again, wanting to feel more pain somehow.
She didn't bother putting on boxing gloves, which she knew she would regret once she saw her knuckles turning red fast and eventually splitting open, blood dripping down and onto the mat. That didn't stop her though, she kept going.
"Woah, Blake what the hell?!"
Jace grabbed her body and yanked her away from the punching bag. "What the fuck are you doing?! You're bleeding!"
She shrugged, looking at her bloodied up knuckles. He sighed and gently pulled her to the bathroom to clean her up.
"Why did you do that?" he asked her softly.
"Because it's been two years."
"I know baby, that's why I'm here" he said with a tiny encouraging smile on his lips.
"I don't feel.. I don't feel as sad as I should."
"What do you mean?" he questioned her, as he made her sit on the toilet seat lid.
"I mean, last year I was a mess. But this year it isn't that bad. I should be feeling worse" she grumbled as she watched him get the different things he needed to clean her hands up.
"Baby it's going to get easier, you can't make yourself feel pain for not being sad enough. It's been two years."
"Exactly! Only two years, I should be feeling like this after like three or four years."
"Everyone moves on at different paces, you just so happen to have it easier after two. There is nothing wrong with that."
"So it's not bad?" she asked quietly as he began wiping away the blood that began drying up around her knuckles.
"No, it's not bad I promise. He would want you to be happy, not living in misery for years on end."
"I know."
They didn't speak another word as he cleaned up her wounds gently. She held back her winces when it began to sting some times.
He finished it up by wrapping it in bandages that she had stored away and kissed them softly.
"Now, let's go get some balloons, light some candles and sit outside, yeah?"
She nodded with a smile and he helped her up.
All day, he had kept her smiling as much as he could so her mind didn't wonder to the dark places that he knew it would end up eventually.
Liked by JaceJohn224, and 1,375 others
blake: i miss you.
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4-8-21