Cool zephyrs ruffled the bow of my uniform, skirt and hair. Hanging out on the steps behind the gymnasium, free from loitering eyes, I sighed and put away my lunch.
I absorbed the sky; its gently floating clouds mirroring the innumerable thoughts floating about my head.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the heaviness of my limbs. Only a short while ago, things were so simple. Those days I'd taken for granted now seemed so far away. They were far away.
I didn't have time to mull over stuff like this, not with my concert coming up within days. Chie and Dad had their hands full with prepping for their wedding. Schoolwork had been piling. So many other obligations to complete. In spite of that, here I was, giving myself a headache over romance.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Slipping it out, I fixed my attention on the text message I'd received.
IGARASHI
Bet you're somewhere moping.
If you have time to think useless thoughts, practice. We only got a week left.
Or what? Are you due for another crying session with me? Should I come running to cheer you up?
He was psychic. We weren't even nearby, yet we ran on identical wavelengths. That always seemed to be the case with him.
A wide smile spread back my lips. I pressed my thumbs against my keyboard.
SHIINA
I'm not crying.
IGARASHI
I don't believe that for one second. I need proof.
Send a pic.
SHIINA
I'm too holy for photographs, so no <3
IGARASHI
(￢_￢;)
You're outright lying so you must be fine.
SHIINA
Hey!!
IGARASHI
lolol
I'm in the usual clubroom with Sena. Sneak past those hordes of annoying fans and stop by.
You won't be too holy in person, right?
SHIINA
('｡• ᵕ •｡')
I dunno. You may need sunglasses.
IGARASHI
Can't take any chances, huh.
If I knew I'd be staring directly at the sun I'd have packed sunscreen too.
I found myself laughing aloud. Talking to him was so easy. I could bounce whatever off of him and he'd match pace with me instantly.
In that respect, he was basically my other half.
. . .Size aside, mind you.
Rin-Rin was not equal in that regard. He knew everything about me, sure, but I'd never say we were perfect matches. We were more different than similar.
However, if there was someone who was the most comfortable to be around despite our differences. . .
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"
The timing the impeccable. Lifting myself off the stairs, I rounded the bend.
There, collapsed onto one knee, a hand over his chest, the other extended toward the sky, was the boy who'd now crossed my mind.
No matter the time frame, Upperclassman Issei was a ball of dedication.
I unintentionally grinned.
Was he rehearsing lines?
Rapunzel, huh. That fairytale was indeed a classic. Maybe it was a retelling.
Upperclassman Issei was too invested in reciting the lines on his script I didn't want to interrupt. I constantly thought he was amazing but he'd certainly improved tons since we met. He rarely fumbled his lines nowadays, too. It wouldn't be long before he took the acting world by storm.
Before I'd realized it, Upperclassman Issei smiled contentedly at his script, safely having recited all the lines. My legs ached slightly, proving I'd been standing here for quite the duration. A quick peek at my cell stunned me. I hadn't even realized how much time had passed.
He cocked his head in that instant. Our eyes met.
"Kisaragi? How long have you been here?"
Meekly, I stepped out into the open. "Ten minutes or so? Sorry. I was watching you and time slipped away from me."
"If I knew you were watching, I would've put on a better performance."
"It was dazzling enough," I assured him. "I'll never get bored watching you. I don't think I could."
"You're too kind, Kisaragi. That's the biggest compliment I could receive, thank you."
I timidly shifted my weight, momentarily flickering my gaze to my shoes. Sometimes, he displayed such a tenderhearted smile I didn't know how to react.
One thing led to another and I found myself seated next to him on one of the stairs, cradling warm drinks we'd purchased from a vending machine close by.
"Miyake told me what happened with Banri."
It was the first thing he uttered after taking the first sip of his canned drink.
Me, with my gulp still in my mouth, just about performed a spit take.
"H-he did?" I spluttered. "Th-that was. . . It was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. My brain powered off. It was going to happen but didn't. I don't even know if I wanted it to—"
"We're talking about how he defended you, right?"
!!!
"Yep. Totally. Without a doubt was talking about that!"
Upperclassman Issei's scrutiny assailed my composure. Considering how hard I was most likely blushing, he put two and two together.
Was I an idiot? An imbecile? A whole joke?
Yes, yes, and yes, my conscience fired.
"Now that you mention it, Banri's been acting strangely all today."
Stricken, I nearly squeezed the can flat.
Upperclassman Issei's tone was calm, but his demeanour gave off a starkly contrasting vibe. "Usually he can't stop talking about you and will use whatever chance he gets to run to your side. Yet today for some reason, he's been completely silent; hasn't taken his eyes off the board all morning. Then, when lunch started, he disappeared, excusing he had something to do. I assumed he was reflecting after Miyake reprimanded him for his actions over the weekend, but. . . something happened, didn't it?"
"N-nope. Nothing."
"Then it'd be perfectly fine for me to call him up and clarify, right?"
"O-o-one hundred percent."
His movements were fluid. He located Banri's number in his contacts, pressed call, and placed it on speaker so we both could listen in.
It connected after two rings.
"Banri, what'd you do to Kisaragi?"
Upperclassman Issei's question was instantaneous.
So was the deafening crash that erupted thereafter.
"Hey!" a gruff holler boomed. "What was that for?!"
"S-sorry—" Banri's apology was cut off by another thunderous clatter.
Shattering glass.
Fluttering clothing racks.
Ruffling paper.
Angered yells.
The noises were relentless—sufficient proof that Upperclassman Issei's inquiry had Banri shaken to his literal core.
Amidst the chaos—and following shouts from nearby students incessant on pummelling Banri to a bloody pulp for his clumsiness—the line went dead.
The monotonous beeps echoed for a good ten seconds.
.
.
.
"What beautiful weather we're having," I coughed, marvelling the sky once more.
"It definitely is after all the rainstorms recently," Upperclassman Issei replied.
We listlessly observed the clouds soar along the expanse, a means of tranquility enveloping me by the shoulders.
It didn't last.
"I. . . thought I reached a decision."
His statement caught me off guard. I faced him, wonderstruck. A hopeless frown claimed his lips.
"I told myself so long as you're smiling, I wouldn't mind who it was with. I love your smile so dearly, after all. They're bright, and blinding, and take my breath away without fail. By imposing more selfish wishes onto you—risk having you hate me, or for moments I spend with you like this to disappear—I didn't think I could do it. But, after all, imagining you with someone else is something I can't handle more."
His eyes were always gentle. They looked at me with a softness I'd never encountered before. Each time, I was wrapped in a cozy blanket. Each time, I felt safe and secure, and warm from the bottom of my soul.
"Because I love you, Kisaragi."
My heart fluttered wildly; eyes bulged; newfound heat scorching my face. If I wasn't already sitting, I would've keeled right over.
"I love you, I love you, I love you. No matter how many times I repeat it, words alone aren't enough to convey these feelings I have for you. I hear you're supposed to 'fall' in love, but whenever I'm with you, I feel like I'm lofting on the clouds themselves. It's strange, isn't it? And if I tell you I never want to be anywhere else, would you believe me?"
Butterflies batted vehemently in my stomach. Drawing a breath proved futile—not when my entire cardiovascular system was in shambles.
"U-Upperclassman Issei," I stammered. "A-are you reciting lines?"
"Does it sound like it?" His chuckle was delicate yet melodious. "I'm not, though. These are my genuine feelings. Maybe because I love theatre at heart, even my confessions end up being dramatic. I'm probably cheesier than necessary, too. Nevertheless, Kisaragi, I mean every word. I do love you. If possible, I want to be with you."
I clamped my lips. He lifted my trembling fingers into his.
"When I said you're the charm that keeps me going—the precious reason I can keep trying. That I want to be there for you, support you, just like you've done for me. . . All of it is sincere. Although it'll hurt if you turn me down I'll accept it if that's how you feel, too. But, at the very least, I wanted you to hear it. How much I care about you."
Even amidst moments like these, he was so sweet my chest ached.
"I. . ." The faint whisper departed my lips instinctively.
"Since you can't give an immediate answer, does that mean you already like somebody else?"
I lowered my gaze. "I. . . I'm not sure," I answered honestly. "You mean a lot to me also, Upperclassman Issei. I hold the time we spend together dearly too. I wouldn't want it to disappear. Neither would I mind if they went on forever. But. . . as for a proper answer, I'm not sure I can give one right now."
My voice quivered as I rambled.
"That's all right," he responded—grin breath-catching. "The fact that you even think of me so highly makes me unbelievably happy."
A kiss, soft as a feather, on my cheek. Every inch of my skin burned.
"Thank you, my sweet Juliet," he said.
I'm sure he said something else, but my senses had completely malfunctioned. The only sound that echoed in my ears was the relentless rhythm of my heart.
✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧
"Shiina, you look very out of it," Hachi mentioned.
It was after school and we were sauntering through the halls with items Miss Akagi had dumped us to deliver (a day had never passed with that demon troll not being lazy). Considering the time of day, I didn't have to worry about being flocked. Nonetheless, as Hachi had ever so politely pointed out, I was not in the right state of mind.
"Hachi, I'm not particularly attractive, right?" I asked. "I'm lanky. And impulsive. And never know when to shut up or stay in my lane. I eat an unhealthy amount. Lack brain cells both in life and in school. My boobs and ass are nonexistent—"
"Shiina, why are you insulting yourself?"
"Because it doesn't make any sense!" I exclaimed, clutching my head. "Why me? There are better options out there!"
Hell, I'd argue I was the worst option available!
Undeterred by that. . . Rin-Rin and Banri and Kamakiri and Upperclassman Issei, they all thought so fondly of me. Rin-Rin's confession alone was ample to send my meagre life spiralling—and now this? My heart had been socked senseless these past few days. It was a miracle it hadn't failed on me yet.
"Maybe I ended up in a coma and this is one long, uber-realistic dream," I rationalized. "I'm living in my delusions at this very moment. Hachi, quick. Pinch me."
"Calm down, Shiina."
"You're right." Reeling to a stop, I stared him squarely in the face. "A pinch isn't enough. Punch me senseless. Enough times to ground me to the real world but not enough to knock out a tooth."
I took a defensive stance.
"It's a dream. It won't hurt. Now batter me, coward!"
Hachi, for some odd reason, cowered at the rear end of a pillar, animated tears in his eyes. "Y-you're being scary."
I clicked my tongue. "Igarashi would've done it."
"Toru would not!"
His remark slumped my shoulders. I sighed.
"I know, he's too nice for that," I said. "He would help me from feeling so anxious, though."
It kind of nagged at me that I didn't end up visiting him during lunch. Sure I wanted to go but after what happened with Upperclassman Issei, my body went on autopilot. I hardly remembered much of what happened after the fact.
I couldn't keep running to Igarashi as a last resort. I didn't want him worrying about me either.
It most likely wasn't wise relying on others anyway. This was my responsibility to handle.
I expelled a breath. "Not that it makes it any easier. A couple, huh. . ."
"Couple?" Hachi had unwittingly slunk back to my side. "Are you talking about you and Rumi?"
My head whipped his way. "N-Naru and I?"
"When you two had to pretend to be a couple," Hachi continued.
Oh, yeah. I guess there was an episode like that.
"I actually look back at that fondly," I informed him. "Sure I was mad at Leon for doing as he pleased and tricking us. However, I got to become closer with Naru which was a much better positive."
The corners of his lips quirked up. "Is that how you think of him?"
"What I think of Naru?" I parroted, then puffed my cheek. "He's cute. Extremely cute. It's a sin to be as cute as he is."
"Instantaneous, huh." Hachi chuckled. "I wish Rumi was as open to me as he is to you. He usually glares at me and slanders me. . . It's immensely painful."
I patted his arm. "I'm sure Naru's happy to have you around."
"You think so? Is that how Rumi feels? Really?"
The sparkles in his eyes caused my resolve to fluctuate.
"Not. . . exactly."
His mood plummeted.
"But I'm sure he does!" I reinforced. "He has to! This is you we're talking about. I can't imagine anyone not being happy when you're there!"
Hachi's vigour reinstated with a wry laugh. "You're the only one who believes that, Shiina."
"No way! I'm telling you it's a fact! A universal truth! If anyone disbelieves, I'll show them hell!"
He flashed a brilliant grin. "In that case, being with you makes me super-duper happy too."
"Hanging out with you is way more invigorating."
"Nowhere near as how much brighter the day gets when you're there."
"Your smile moves mountains."
"Yours makes flowers bloom."
I doubled over in guffaws. "When did this become a competition?"
Heartily laughing all the same, he fondled his pockets.
"Here. This is for you."
Perplexed, I received what he'd outstretched. "A lollipop?"
"I have a habit of stashing these to hand to my little siblings whenever they cry," he explained. "Sweets raise your spirits, guaranteed. So, eat that and perk up too, Shiina."
For a moment, I stared dumbly. Hachi's presence truly was heartwarming.
Tickled pink, I scanned it over. "Will do."
Beaming from ear to ear, he gathered the documents I held into his arm.
"I'll take it from here," he informed me, jogging in place. "Go home soon. See you tomorrow!"
I waved him off as he energetically bounded down the hall. Sparing the lollipop one last glance, I stashed it away and made my way back to my homeroom class where I'd left my bag. Upon entering the sunlit classroom, a peculiar sight snagged my attention.
Naru, the only other individual in this room, was seated at his desk, fiddling papers in his hands. Did he have class rep duties?
"Kisaragi."
It was indistinct but I certainly heard it. Stalking up to his side, I crouched at desk level, peeking up at him. "Yes?"
For some reason, Naru only sighed. "Now I'm even hearing your voice in my head. . . How obsessed with you am I?"
He didn't realize I was here? Should I say something? Then again, he appeared rather troubled. Maybe it'd be insensitive. It might be best to sneak off and pretend I was never here. . .
"I'm pathetic." He planted his face onto the wood of his desk with another defeated breath. "Since I am, there's no way I stand a chance against the others. He was right. If I can't tell you, I have no right voicing objections. Though I'm sure even if I did tell you, I'd only make a fool of myself. Around you, I'm pitiable. But alone, and in my countless dreams, I can be your knight in shining armour."
"Naru," I mumbled, the sorrow in his tone stabbing my chest. Although following his words was difficult, one thing did stand out to me. "I don't think you're pitiable at all. When you agreed to risk your life to protect me, you didn't even hesitate. Although we learned the truth afterward, at that moment, despite us not being on great terms, you did so much for my sake. You shone brighter than any fairy tale knight ever could!"
He shifted his head. Ear against the desk, his crystalline eyes met mine. "Am I dreaming?" he muttered sotto voce. "For a figment of my imagination, you're oddly realistic."
The backside of his hand caressed my cheek. My nerves were taut.
"Even your skin," he said. His complexion coloured—likewise to mine. "I'd never be able to touch you like this in person. I'm too much a coward."
His lips tenderly upturned.
"'I'll give you chocolate so say you'll be mine.' You most likely didn't think twice when you said that, but I thought my heart would explode. Then I tripped flat on my face." He wryly snorted. "I'm sure I was taken by you a long while before that and kept denying it out of embarrassment. Though, the more I denied it, the more these feelings grew. I've simulated hundreds and thousands of scenarios of me conveying those three words to you. Delusions that'd make zero sense, all because I can't get you out of my head. If only it were as easy as saying. . ."
Hauling himself upright, palm burning against my skin, he was fetching doused under the rays of sunset.
"'I love you, Shiina Kisaragi. Please go out with me.'"
__________
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