~The most adventurous journey to embark on is, the journey to yourself. The most exciting thing to discover is, who you really are. The most treasured pieces that you can find are, all the pieces of you. The most special portrait you can recognize is, the portrait of your soul~
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Ammar
Love, like everything else in life, is a discovery, an adventure, and like most adventures, you don't know you're having one until you're right in the middle of it. It is a hidden treasure, You never know you have it until someone special comes into your life and reveals it.
Spreading its wings, Aaliyah's love stretched out, touching my tangled, frozen soul. And I started falling for her out of nowhere
I was falling, Falling through time and space and stars and sky and everything in between. I fell for days and weeks and what felt like lifetime across lifetimes. I fell until I forgot I was falling.
Falling in love is not an act of will. It is not a conscious choice. No matter how open to or eager for it we may be, the experience may still elude us. Contrarily, the experience may capture us at times when we are definitely not seeking it, when it is inconvenient and undesirable.
We can choose how to respond to the experience of falling in love, but we cannot choose the experience itself. This is to say that the experience of falling in love is not immune to discipline.
I was scared for I know that If I love her, she'll have more power than all the girls I ever dated combined because this overwhelming pulse in my body, this overwhelming need to protect her and hold her close to me is overpowering
She made me realize that Falling in love is very real. I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates. Poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal but sounded pretty in a poetry book I thought. Then I met Aaliyah, and everything changed
She was in the dining area setting the table when I walked in. I looked at her and our eyes met, She smiled in a way that made me want to kiss her right on the spot, Or the lips. Whichever was closer.
I wanted to say something, but I just couldn't find my words.
Love is a thief sometimes, it steals the words right out of your mouth and leaves you speechless because of your overflowing emotions
When I'm with her, I have all these words inside me ready to paint the world, but when they emerge, they are black and white because the colors get caught in my throat.
"Stop raping me with your eyes" she said, when she saw me staring at her
When she turned her steep focus to me, I felt the warmth that flowers feel when they bloom through the snow, under the first concentrated rays of the sun.
"Is this the proper way to greet your husband" I asked
"Since when did you start calling yourself my husband? I thought we were just strangers living in the same house" she said
She never said much, but when she did, her words knew how to burn me. Sometimes, I wish to pervade her mind and slowly discover all her secrets
She laughed so hard that she almost couldn't breathe, Tears of laughter seeped from the corners of her eyes. She made me feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself and it hurts. Her laughter was like a burn to my skin
Aaliyah didn't have breakfast with me, she told me she needed to go out and get her personal supplies and toiletries
I also decided to meet a couple of friends after breakfast, I got ready and headed out.
As soon as I reached the car park, I spot Aaliyah leaning against her McLaren Elva parked on the front row. Her phone that settles in her hand is pressed up against her ear and she's in a deep conversation with whosoever is on the other end.
"Who is it" I mouthed her
"My mum" she mouthed me back. I collected the phone from her clasp and pressed it against my ear
"Hello! are you still there?" The caller said
"Hi" I replied
The caller quickly hung up when he realized it wasn't Aaliyah, and I'm sure that wasn't her mother's voice
"Who the hell were you talking to?" I asked,
"A friend, I thought it was acceptable in our so called relationship" she said, rendering me speechless.
"Why are you silent, isn't that what you do all day?" She asked again
"Do not disrespect me" I shot back
"Disrespect?, you've got to be kidding me" she said, and she started walking away with a disgusted look on her face
I stood there holding her phone in my hands, but I wished I wasn't. I ended up frustrating myself. I saw more than a hundred chats popping up her screen, different names and most of them are from the opposite sex
"Come and get your phone" I shouted
"Hold on to it if you're that desperate. I've got nothing to hide" she said, not sparing me a glance
"Why are you talking to some asshole on the phone? Don't you have any morals? You are a married woman, you are mine. Mine alone and nobody else's. And I don't want you associating with any other guy" I said bitterly
Before I could think of how contradicting that was, I felt something. I was worried. She stopped and faced me
"You should have thought of that before bringing zarah & co. into our matrimonial home and everywhere else. Whose fault is it?" She asked
"Are you jealous?" I asked
"No, there is nothing to be jealous of" she replied
I never knew she could go this far, even though she has made it a habit. If I talk to three girls on the phone, She talks to six guys. Whatever I do, she doubles it up
If I text or chat with two girls, She chats with ten or twenty guys. She just puts up a status on any of her social media accounts and her phone almost gets blown up. It's just irritating, it pisses me off.
Aaliyah turned around and walked away, leaving me speechless. It hurts to love, It's like giving yourself to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin.
The weird thing is, All I could think about was the night when I tasted her sweetness. I want more of it, I want her, and I want her all to myself. Desire is the kind of thing that eats you and leaves you starving.
The last time I felt alive, I was looking into her eyes. Breathing her air, touching her skin. The last time I felt alive, I was dying inside, dying for her love and affection. It's weird how powerful vulnerability can feel
My lips begged silently as I watched her leave, Kiss me hot, heavy, wet & angry with that attitude like you did when your mouth whispered it hates me
My body was yelling hug me, touch me, submit to me with that insatiable passion like you do when you thought you could push me off of you but the sight and feel of my rock hard six pack made you too weak in the knees.
My mind is melting so fast, and my soul is whispering trust. My eyes are begging please and my anger has turned to lust.
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