~ Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what would go right.
Amyrah
As I remembered to read the letters which Azreena aunty had given, I ran to my room whilst opening it.
A messy handwriting covered the paper. Even before I started reading it, my eyes watered. Papa. My papa. Carefully holding them in my hand, I began reading. The first paper was addressed to Azreena aunty. I wonder why she gave it to me.
Azreena,
This is Rasheed Arshad. Your brother. Hopefully you haven't forgotten him.
I have no money with me now. It's been five years since my wife passed away. I used to live here and there with my daughter, but now I can't do it anymore. I am leaving. For the sake of my daughter.
I am going to work as a janitor in U.A.E. I will earn a little every day, but it is much better than working here. People look at me as a servant. I don't want my daughter to think her father is so low. After earning enough I will come back.
I don't know when and how, but somehow, someday, oneday I promise to come back. For my daughter.
I am leaving my daughter with Shabnam, her mother's sister. They are good people, but they will not treat my daughter like their own. I don't know your new home address, so I am sending this letter to our parent's home. I hope you will see this letter before it's too late.
Please take care of my Amyrah. I beg of you. Please. I hope you don't tell her that I work as a janitor. My daughter will be so ashamed of me. I am a hero, the best man in her eyes, what would she think of her father? She's young, she'd never understand.
I don't know why my heart is not satisfied. Something is wrong. I am going to leave tomorrow. I have booked the plane. I am so low in life now that I had to beg my wife's sister to give me some money and to take care of my daughter. I am so embarassed and ashamed.
I am only twenty nine. Do I deserve all these?
I don't regret marrying Ishara. But why did she leave me so soon? Now I can't even take care of my daughter.
I feel so pathetic. So low of myself. I have nothing with me, not even my dignity, only my daughter. Writing all these gives me a solace, I have no one to talk to. No one. Atleast I have you who will read this.
Azreena, please ask mom and dad to forgive me okay? And you too. Live happily with your husband and children. I heard you lost one of the twins. I am so sorry. I am such a worse person to not be there for you, but I am sure you are much more lucky than me. I am just a no one.
I ask and beg to Allah, but seems like He doesn't love me. Still I will try to not lose hope.
Please take care of my daughter.
I have attached another paper too. Incase I don't come back in another few years, please give it to my Amyrah. Give it to her the day she is mature enough to understand that I really do love her.
If you don't mind, please buy her a diary on her next birthday too, because she loves them so much. Last month, on her fifth birthday I sold my watch and bought her one expensive Snow White diary. She was so happy that day. She hugged me atleast 100 times. She had even told her whole school about it. Isn't she just adorable?
I don't want to bore you anymore. Take care sis. Love you.
P.s, Don't forget to give the next letter to my Amyrah. Please love her like your own daughter.
×××
Papa! Covering my mouth with my hands, I cried. The tears slipping onto the next paper, blurring my vision. I clutched the letter keeping it close to my chest.
I wanted to hold him, to tell him that I don't care what he works, that I don't care about anything at all, I just wished to hug him.
Just once. Please?
Papa, you left me all alone.
I opened the next letter, not bothering to wipe the flowing tears.
Amyrah,
My Amyrah. My darling. My princess. Papa thinks of you every minute. I can feel your cute smile now and you are looking at me angrily, right? See, papa knows you well.
I had work to be done, that's why I had to leave. Please don't be angry with me. I love you darling. You are my pride. You are my princess. You are my everything.
I will come back for you. All these years I missed, I will make it up to you.
First, I will buy you a huge house with a swing. Then, I will buy you expensive clothes, shoes, everything you want. Then papa will take you everywhere you want to go. I promise. I can see your face with a doubting expression. But this time I am not lying!
In return, I can ask you for one thing? Only one? Please do it for me.
Forgive me.
Forgive your useless father.
I don't know after how many years you're reading this, but I know one thing, I am missing you so much right now.
I write this looking at the moonlit night.
Staring at the star that twinkles and soars high like your mother,
The moon which shines bright like your innocent face.
The dark sky which envelops with darker secrets, like myself.
The wind which howls, disturbing the calmness, like evil-doers.
The stars fade,
The moon leaves,
The sky brightens,
The wind continues blowing,
The Sun peeps in,
The start of a new beginning.
This is life, darling.
Continue shining bright like this moonlit night.
Take care, My Star,
I can't wait to see you grown up.
I love you.
×××
The tears flow, unstoppable. I cry, till the tears empty, till I couldn't anymore, so vulnerable.
Yelling in my mind, I cried.
"Papa, I don't need your riches.
I don't need anything except you.
But you failed to give me that one thing. You left me.
You promised to come!
Where'd you go?
Why'd you leave?
I love you so much.
I miss you so very much.
I will forgive you, I promise.
Only if you come back, only then.
I want to hug you.
I want you to tell me that I've grown just like you and mama.
I want you to tell me that you are proud of me.
I want you to plant a kiss on my forehead saying My Daughter.
I want to hear your voice.
I want to see you smile.
Where are you?
I can't see you."
Papa,
You wrote this a day before you left me, before you leave this world, but I am seeing this thirteen years after.
I blamed you for leaving me. I thought of hating you, thinking that you failed in your duties.
Right now, my heart, my eyes, my hands, my body shivers with regret, with shame.
Did I fail as a daughter? Yes! I failed to see my father suffering.
Today I realized that in this world, you are the biggest winner. You win. You won.
To tell that I am missing you would be an understatement. There are no words to express the feeling I feel right now.
You are my king, my love, my hero, my prince, best of it all is you are my papa, only mine. My father. Just mine alone.
I love you,
My Dearest Father.
☆☆☆
A/N
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