Author note/ Trigger warning
Hiya lovely readers! This chapter will touch on Hawks' back story and it is pretty dark with some mentions of animal cruelty and child neglect. I just wanted to give you a bit of a warning before heading into this chapter.
Thanks again for all the likes/comments on the story so far it honestly means so much! Warning over and on with the story!
Love
Lara xoxo
Kimi's POV
Today was the day. Keigo is going to tell me about his family, his past, all the things that have made him who he is today and all the things that he seems so reluctant to speak about.
We had agreed that this might be a difficult conversation to have in a cafe, given that we could easily be overheard by strangers. So we settled on meeting in the park beside my apartment. It was poetic in a way. Him opening up to me in the place where we first met. It was secluded so the chances of strangers listening in were minimal but it was still out in the open. Keigo had told me that he always feels better out in open space, which is why he rarely retreats back to the comforts of his home. Something about the freedom of the open air and the confines of enclosed spaces, I didn't fully understand what he meant by that but hopefully after today I will.
I had arrived at the park and sat down on the bench that rested just between the heavily overgrown shrubbery, the scent of kinofuji flowers overpowering the air. The metal bench was cold, even through the thick fabric of my jeans, making me hug the parka jacket closer around my body and breathe out a sigh into the chilly air. Heiwa park is quite possibly my favourite place in the world. It was always unnaturally quiet, some might say eerie, but it certainly lived up to it's name of "peace park". It was a little run down in parks, the trees and shrubs being a little too over grown, a little too wild. But it was in many ways how I had imagined the garden of eden. A wild, untouched garden where few humans tread upon its leafy terrain. The sun was at my back, peaking through the overgrowth and casting a yellow-green light upon the ground, making the place feel even more magical.
I was taken out of my thoughts by a warm hand being placed in mine. Looking up with wide eyes I was met with a nervous but smiling Keigo. He didn't wear his hero costume but instead opted for brown pants and a blue over shirt. And if it weren't for his large vermilion wings he would have looked completely ordinary. Well, extremely handsome but nonetheless 'ordinary'.
"Hey Babybird." He smiled bringing my cold hand up to his warm lips in a sweet kiss that made my heart flutter. He looked tired though, his defined eyes had dark bags underneath them and his hair was far messier than usual.
"Hey Keigo. You feeling okay?" I asked giving his hand a squeeze. He looked so nervous, his usual cocky attitude long gone. It was strange to see him like this and it put me on edge.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little nervous is all." He smiled trying to reassure himself just as much as me.
"We don't have to talk about this if you aren't comfortable Keigo, it can wait." It sounded more like a question than a statement but as much as I want to know about him, I don't want to open up any old wounds.
"No. No I do. I want to tell you, I need to tell you everything." He said softly, more so to himself than to me. With that we began to walk through the moss covered trail, our hands intertwined and swinging softly between us.
We spoke of other things. Simple things. The typical 'how have you been', 'how was work', the usual safe conversations. But at one point the air seemed to shift and we both knew that it was time to talk. To really talk.
"I look like my dad you know" Keigo started awkwardly. He scratched his head and looked into the still water of the small pond we had stopped at. The water, although a little murky and green still cast a somewhat clear reflection of our intertwined figures, gazing back at our water reflected shadows.
"Really? He must be handsome then" I smiled encouraging him to continue.
"Yeah ... I suppose he was" he muttered. His eyes glossed over and he looked like he was seeing a ghost. And in some ways I suppose he was. I started to apologise but he continued as though I had not spoken.
"My mom and dad met when they were kids. Not even teens. They hit it off right away, given they both had bird quirks." He played with my fingers as he spoke, his voice smooth and calm.
"My mom had a quirk called 'dove'. She had these beautiful white wings that she could control telepathically. Though I never saw her myself, she supposedly looked like an angel. White hair, white wings, gold eyes. My dad, had the same quirk as me which made his wings sharp, strong and retractable. Like I said he looked like me too, almost identical though his hair was a bit longer. He used to rock a man-bun." A ghost of a smile spread across his lips as he thought back on his parents.
"They were childhood sweethearts, and got married as soon as they legally could. That's the thing about Hawks. They mate for life and my old man just knew she was the one. They had a few happy years together ... but they always wanted kids, to create a little nest of their own." He took a deep breath to steady himself for what was to come and I held his hand tightly in comfort.
"My mom got pregnant a few times but the baby always had wings that would pierce her womb and caused her to miscarry. It was difficult for them. Miscarriage after miscarriage, but they were so desperate to have a baby that they kept going. Finally, I showed up and I was small. Smaller than most babies. My wings here tiny, like chicken wings so I was carried to full term." He stopped speaking momentarily and his hand tightened on mine. I could tell this was hard on him but he needed to continue for his own sake.
"They were so happy. But during my birth, one of my wings got stuck between her ribs. I couldn't move properly and it ended up being a breached birth. She - she started bleeding internally and ... she didn't make it."
"My old man never looked at me the same after that. I wasn't his son, I was the monster that look away the love of his life." Hawks managed to whisper out, his voice sounding small. His hands shaking slightly as he stared at the ground.
"It wasn't your fault Keigo" I whispered back. The wind around us had stilled and we found ourselves in this quiet wasteland, the ghosts of Keigo's past playing out in front of us both.
"I know ... but that didn't stop my dad from hating me. He put me into a hero training program when I was five. He said it was to give me a better life than he had but I know it was just because he couldn't look at me without seeing a killer."
"The programme was harsh. Worse than harsh, it was hell. It ran for thirteen years until I was eighteen. They were ... the worst years of my life." He looked off into the blanket for leaves before us, not seeming to notice them, or anything else around us for that matter. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"They said they were training us to be heroes. But they lied. They were training us to be killers. I won't go into detail on all the things they had me do, I don't think I could. But it was awful ... When I was no more than seven, they ran a session to try and speed up my feathers telekinetic abilities. They showed me a group of baby chicks, let me play with them for a while. They were tiny things all yellow and puffy, chirping and cooing in my hands. They then showed me a puppy and let me play with it too. Cutest thing you could ever see. It was just a mutt but it was the most lovable puppy you could imagine." He paused and his voice turned cold, his eyes hardening as they looked out onto the silent terrain.
"They put the chicks in a bag, did the same with the pup. Then they held the chicks over an open fire and the puppy over a tank of water. I had five seconds to save them. I-I failed. I managed to get the puppy out but the chicks weren't so lucky. I-I tried to save them, I did! I burnt off half my feathers trying to get them out but it was no use. And that sound! God, that sound they made! I can still hear it sometimes..." His voice cracked as though he were about to cry and I wrapped my arms around him. How could anyone do that?! And he was only a child! My heart ached for the suffering he must have went through. To lose your mother, be burdened with the guilt of her loss, abandoned by your father and shipped off to spend over a decade with monsters like that! It was unthinkable. Hawks cradled my hand in his and squeezed it tightly before he continued, his voice still strained but without shedding a tear.
"It was how they found out that fire is my weakness. They started burning off my feathers to see how long it would take for them to grow back. They wanted to speed up the recovery process... it didn't really work. It took too long to grow back and made them think I was weak."
"They did other things. Used us as weapons. It was a lot but we couldn't cry. 'Weapons don't weep' they used to say. They'd give us a target and make us eliminate them. They were usually small timers. More thugs than villains. But some of them didn't look dangerous ... I still don't know if they were even criminals but I learnt not to ask questions then."
"When I turned eighteen I knew I'd finally get to leave. But not before the 'graduation' that we all had to endure." Keigo took a deep breath as if to steady himself, his jaw clenched tightly.
"It was a simple task. One I'd done countless times before. The target was lead out of a warehouse with a bag covering his head. He was struggling and kicking out at the guards that held him with his hands tied behind his back. I thought it was just another villain. I kept thinking that if I do this then I can leave. I never have to go through this again. So I killed him. I shot out one of my blade feathers and pierced him straight through the head. He died on the spot."
Keigo took a deep rattling breath as fresh tears pooled in his eyes. I squeezed his hand letting him know he can stop at any point but willing him to continue. His body shook lightly as he squeezed my hand back, trying to find his voice that was on the brink of giving out.
"When they removed the hood. It ... it was my old man. I killed my own father. They - they'd ripped off his wings so I wouldn't recognise him when I took the shot. I never liked him but he wasn't a villain and he was still my dad. He was the only family I had left... I killed my mom and they made me kill my dad too!"
He broke down swallowing the air around him in harsh rushed breaths. I pulled him into a tight hug and felt him shake and cling to me like a dying man, clutching the material at my back tightly.
*Time Skip*
I don't know how long we sat like that. It could have been minutes or hours but I wasn't willing to move as Keigo's tears soaked the shoulder of my coat. If I moved it felt like he would break so I stayed still, rubbing his back soothing and just watching him break in my arms. He killed people. It rung like an alarm in my head and I couldn't escape it. A part of me was scared by this but a larger part knew it wasn't his fault. He was a child. None of this was his fault!
"I left ... but if that was what being a hero meant, then I knew that I didn't want to be one. Not ever." He muttered pulling back from me. His eyes were red and puffy, his voice barely above a whisper as he finished off the sad story of his past.
"I was determined to not be a hero. But when I was flying home one night I noticed a man getting mugged. He was about my dad's age and suddenly my feet were moving before I even knew what was happening. I saved him and for one second I felt better. Not good but better. So I decided to keep saving people." I smiled at him reassuringly but he just frowned and held my hand tighter
"I'm not a hero like All Might, Babybird. I don't save people because it's the right things to do. I save them out of a guilty conscience. I save them to make up for all the blood I've spilt but I don't think there's enough hero work I can ever do that'll remove the blood stains from my hands." He looked down at his hands almost as though he could see red stains smeared across them. His voice sounded so broken, so lost and he still couldn't bring himself to look me in the eye.
"Well that's my backstory Babybird. Still think I'm a great guy?"