insecurities

Can't

"Mr Clarke, right?"

I jumped off my seat, "Yes, I am."

"Miss Hart is stable. We managed to stop the bleeding and drained the water out of her lungs. A couple more minutes late and she would've died ... She needs to rest and is still sleeping but she'll be okay."

I took a deep sigh of relief, "Can I see her?"

The nurse nodded, "Yes, you can."... Before I left she spoke up again, "Mr Clarke, I have a question for you."

"Yes?"

"Have you been abusive to your girlfriend in any way?" she asked and I furrowed my eyebrows. "I mean like... She has marks on her face and the suicide attempt..."

I scoffed, "No... I promise you that I would never hurt Bonnie. I love her too much to ever do something like that to her."

She nodded and I went on inside. Her wrists were covered up with bandaids, her skin was sweaty... I guessed they turned up the air conditioner to warm her up because her body was cold when we got there and her lips were dried up with her breathing slightly louder then normal. Her eyes were puffy, clearly she'd been crying a lot in my absence. I took a deep breath before placing a kiss on her forehead then I took a seat by the bedside, holding her hand in mine. After what seemed like an hour, i fell asleep and was woken up when I felt something pulling on my hand.

"I-Ian..." she whispered with a stammer at the beginning.

I quickly got up to find her eyes fully awake and her hand slightly tightened around mine. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and sat up. She seemed a ton weaker and she let out a cough.

"Bonnie, do you know how scared I was to lose you?" she just gave me a blank look then sighed, "Bonnie, why did you do that?"

A tear ran down her cheek as she pulled her eyes away from mine and bit her lower lip.

"Please answer me."

"I don't know, Ian."

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?"

"I don't know, Ian... I'm just tired of being hurt and taken advantage of. Ian, I feel disgusting... Or I am, I'm not even sure anymore."

"Bonnie..."

"No, Ian... How can it be that almost every guy I come across wants to hurt me. Ian, it is hard forgetting something like that. I didn't want to go through that again and I killed someone... And that just made me feel worse."

"Bonnie, I'm here... You don't have to get through it alone. I'm right here. Bonnie, it took me six months to get you to like me and I would do it all over again for you... To be with you." I placed my index finger under her chin and lifted her face to mine." Bonnie, I'm sorry for everything that happened to you and I'm sorry for everything that happened to you because of me..."

"it's not your fault."

"It is, Bonnie... And i don't think you understand how guilty i feel for everything. You also don't understand how much I love you... "

"I think I do..." she cut me off again.

"No, Bonnie... You don't. Bonnie, I'm tired of this... Seeing you once or twice or never in a day... I'm tired of pretending with Mira. I'm tired of being apart from you." I paused to kiss her hand and lifted my eyes to hers, "Tell me what you want, Bonnie... Tell me what to do and I'll do it . Tell me what to do to keep you with me and happy."

"I don't know what you want me to say..."

"I want you to tell me what you want from me... Anything and I'll do it." I placed my forehead against hers and held the back of her head in my hand, slightly massaging it. "Tell me... I want to hear it."

"I want to go somewhere... Far away from here..." she whispered with her breath fanning my lips that wanted to kiss her so badly.

"I'll get you a jet to take you wherever you want." I guessed she thought it was better to leave me to get some time away and I was willing to stay away for as long as she wanted.

She cupped both my cheeks, "I want you to come with me. I want you to be there."

My eyes observed her beautiful eyes that were fixated on mine.

"You think I would give up my second chance to be with you?Ian, i love you and I wouldn't want to be halfway across the world without you." She paused," And yes... I forgive you for whatever you were apologizing for."

I chuckled and a tear ran down my cheek. I wasn't a person who cried much but I had been wanting to hear her say that she loved me for years.

" I'm also sorry for scaring you with the suicide attempt. "... I pulled her in for a kiss gently trying to not apply too much pressure to her cut lip. I stayed with her for the rest of the night and I met with her nurse when I woke up around seven in the morning.

" Miss Hart, should be discharged after the doctor comes to check on her around eight."

"Okay, tell her... I just stepped out for a second. I'll be right back... I have some things to do."

"Okay, I will."

I wanted to fix up some things in order for me to start on a clean slate. I saw my lawyer and got Alexis to pack up Bonnie's things. I had a house in the Netherlands by the beachfront,it wasn't a mansion but I was sure Bonnie would love it. I was willing to do everything and anything I could to be with her.

I was madly in love with her and i had been for a long time.

_____________________