Suicide

The Blood Runs Red

I've had lots of girls that I've liked in the past....but I've never felt such a strong attraction to a girl like her before. She's always kind to me, whether I'm rude to her or not. And that's the part I can never understand? How can a person be nice to someone who treats her like rubbish? It must because of the whole God and being a Christian stuff she wanted me to look into... I don't know what to think.

Memories and thoughts race through my head like a wirlwind of chaos. I've never experienced such high emotions and a warm tugging on my heart? I can't decide right now if I like it or not...at this moment I'm upset, scared, fearful, frustrated, angry, and...I think I'm...in love?

No...I told myself that I was crazy...

So anyway, you probably want to know what happened back with the girl I told you about who was dying right? You're probably dying to find out.

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I pushed open the door that was already cracked open and braced myself...this is it...real or a joke...

I saw her...sitting at my old desk when we were in the eighth grade together. This defietly had to be about me...she had her wrist out on the desk and the blood was everywhere on the desk running onto her and onto the floor. She rubbed her blood into her face, making herself look absolutly miserable. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days because her eyes were red and dark puffy circles were under her delicate blue eyes.

It was as if she didn't even notice my presence...my heart was pounding like it never had. I couldn't believe this was real...this cant be happening...this can't be because of me...why would I mean so much to anyone??

I ran over to her with my heart pouring over with sorrow, pain, grief, ...regret... 

I grabbed her face with my hands and made her look into my eyes and said her name. Her whole body was shaking from loss of blood and the knife she used was still in her hand. Her eyes slowly made there way to meet mine and when our eyes finally met again after a large void of separation....are emotions both exploded.

My eyes got wet and bowed my head and cried...and I felt so horrible inside to be responsible for someone's life that what right before me dangling on the thinest string of hope...and I walk in here and she probably wants to die even more now...

I sat up and watch her. My hands still on the sides of her bloody face and she looks so worn...like she is an old horse who just cannot continue on with its journey.

Then to my horrid surprise she took the knife and slit her wrist deep. She had no expression, or noise, she was as silent like the dead...

I grabbed the knife from her. She looked at me with a small emotion of shock. I leaned in and said: "am I the reason you are doing this?" my whole body was now shaking as hers, my hands holding the blood covered knife.

She looked into my eyes and just stared at me. Her look was like ice and it brought shivers down my spine. I finally just broke inside. Broke to pieces.

"will you talk to me? Please talk to me...I'm so sorry that you ever met me and I'm sorry that I'm a horrible person...I wish I had never treated you the way I did...it was wrong...I wish we had never had to break up or even go out...we should have just been friends, because I cannot bare to see you hurt any longer..."  

and I threw the knife down and began to slowly pick up her blood covered body out of the seat. It was an easy task...she weighed nothing. Her body was limp but she was awake. When I stood up, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I looked at her in the eyes, "tell me that this is not real." and my eyes opened up the gates of heaven and water just poured onto me, her, the ground.

I finally just shut my eyes and let myself go with these crazy emotions I was feeling. They were so intense....I could never imagine a person caring so much for me that they rather die than be without.

I felt a cold hand reach up and push away my hair and then wipe away my tears. Then she pressed her body closer to be and squeezed me tightly. I opened my eyes in shock and finally realized she was hugging me...was this forgivness? Or goodbye? Was this her end? I pulled away suddenly saying: "we have to get you to the hospital."