how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

forty-three: change

"You're not dark though." Tom raised.

"But I'm not all light either, and that's okay. I'm okay with having dark thoughts every once in a while as long as I don't act on them. Everyone has that selfish, violent self inside of them, some more than others of course. But your actions are of your own choosing." Lucia continued.

"I've killed before, Lucia." He told her honestly.

"I know." She sighed.

"And you still are with me? Even when you know I killed my own father." He sounded rather taken aback.

"There are times I've wanted to kill people too, even those considered family, Tom. I've come close." Lucia revealed.

"Who?" Tom asked out of curiosity, though he suspected he already knew the answer.

"Don, my stepdad. I almost did it, I held my wand to him and everything. He was terrified, I saw the fear in his eyes and I didn't care." Lucia explained, "Sometimes I wish I'd have done it, maybe the world would be a better place."

"He did horrible things though, Lucia. He would have deserved it." Tom reasoned.

"And you had to grow up in a horrific institution when you had a parent who was alive. I would have wanted to kill him for that too." Lucia raised, "I think the difference between us and muggles is that death comes from just a spell for us. Yes, you have to mean it. Yes, it's advanced magic. But you don't have to sit there strangling them watching the light leave their eyes as they struggle for help. You don't have to watch them bleed out on the floor from their throat in a violent display. One spell and they're dead. Of course we're more likely to kill each other with that kind of easy way out in our repertoire. That's part of the reason I like to seperate myself from magic sometimes. I don't fully trust myself with the abilities that come with it." Lucia finished.

"I hadn't thought about it like that before." Tom spoke softly.

"Just something to think about." Lucia sighed.

Tom moved his hand from the soft skin of her back to her hair that trickled down her shoulders like a golden waterfall flowing down marble rock that was her pale skin. His fingers threaded through it, twirling it around them before releasing it and watching the light waves bounce back down.

Lucia's eyes were fixed on his face as he seemed to be deep in thought.

"Do you believe in fate?" He broke the silence.

"I suppose if magic exists, what's the harm in believing that everything happens for a reason?" Lucia chuckled lightly, "Do you?"

"I haven't ever, but I'm beginning to think that we met for a reason." He voiced his thoughts aloud, "How else could I have stumbled upon you in that park? It could have been anyone."

"I suppose the universe thought we needed each other." Lucia observed.

"It's always unsettled me, actually. The thought that I couldn't control everything in my life, that maybe something else was orchestrating part of it. The idea that maybe we don't actually have free will, if it's all a bunch of brain processes that we're predisposed to have." Tom revealed.

"I don't necessarily believe there is someone out there doing it, like some God or whatever. But I think the universe pushes people together for a reason." Lucia raised, "And I think we do have free will, just maybe we're more likely to act a certain way depending on how we're shaped as we grow up." She allowed her fingers to trace Tom's chest lightly in swirling patterns. He looked intently at her as she touched him.

"Do you like it when I touch you like this?" She asked gently, wanting to know how he felt about this kind of affection.

"Yes." He replied simply, his eyes still fixed on her with an emotion she couldn't quite pick.

"Has anyone ever touched you like his before?" She continued her queries.

"Only you." He replied again, a kind of vulnerability in his eyes.

She pressed her lips to his chest lightly as her fingers continued their gentle movements on his skin. He closed his eyes gently as he enjoyed the feeling.

"I think that something has... changed inside me Lucia." He said sounding rather confused, his eyes still resting lightly shut.

"That's okay." Lucia said softly, "Just let everything fall into place, you don't have to control every aspect of yourself." She assured, kissing his collarbones with lightness of her lips.

He sighed at the feeling of her lips on him again, paired with the relaxing feel of her fingers that had moved to his hair. She ran them along his scalp gently, and his breathing grew deep and relaxed from the feeling.

"I love watching the way you respond to my touch." Lucia spoke as Tom's eyes met hers when they fluttered open.

"You're driving me insane, we just fucked and already you're going to make me hard again." He chuckled, looking at her with a kind of adoration she had come to crave.

"If you were hard again I wouldn't be opposed to letting you fuck my mouth." Lucia said with a devious grin.

Tom's eyes went wide and a smirk creeped on his face. Lucia chuckled and went under the covers, letting him thrust into her mouth until he came again with a string of curses.

When she returned to his arms, he kissed her gently. He was so sated that it was only minutes before his breathing slowed and he was asleep.

Lucia admired his soft features, and rested her head on his chest as she drifted off herself.

author's note

thank you for all the love!

also I've noticed how many younger readers I have (lol sorry for all the mature stuff in this), but if you guys ever need advice from someone a bit older, feel free to message me. I know how hard and confusing it is to be a teenager, (I still am one technically lol) but I am happy to help in any way I can <3