EMBERS • HAECHAN (Not Finished Yet)

Chapter 83

Maybe it was just the fact that I wanted one last sign to change the situation.
A sign telling me that my picutre of him had been wrong since the beginning and that he was actually the caring and loving person he seemed to be.
Thinking and hoping for it only made my heart ache even more and I hastily shook my head to concentrate on something else.

After a while of walking through the lively city, I was glad to finally arrive at the flower shop.
Getting here had felt like hell- tons of happy families and couples passing by me, rubbing under my nose that I was longing for something I couldn't have.

Hastily, I entered the shop and got a little flower bouquet. I had called a few days earlier in order for them to get the favorite flowers of my mom, red spider lilies, and they were even prettier than last year.
The thin petals made it seem as if the flower was fragile, a simple breeze able to tear them apart, but in the end it could withstand it all.

It didn't take long before I left again, my next destination the cemetery.
A few white strands fell into my face as the light wind moved past me, causing me to remember that I was currently disguised. The last time I had worn this wig was to my surpise the first time I had met Lee Donghyuck.

I still remembered the mission I had that day and comparing it to now, everything seemed so much easier that day.
All I had to do was hate NCT and SVT, go to school and do the tasks Yeeun gave me without worrying too much about anything.

Thinking of the past, it was quite ironic that Donghyuck hadn't found out about my secret earlier.
Sure, I had heavy make-up and a wig on, but still, he could've figured it out. Maybe things would've developed a different way.

I finally entered the small park that was only a couple of meters away from the cemetery.
The sun was still shining bright while the soft breeze hit the many wind cimes that were hanging in the trees.
A delightful melody was playing as if the slowly falling leafs were dancing through the air, but I didn't really notice the sound.

I was solely focused on the path in front of me, passing the small and colorful park as fast as possible.
Not a minute later I could already see my mothers tombstone, my heart already aching at the simple sight.

Taking a deep breath, I came to a halt, looking down on the name engraved in the ash-grey stone.

'In memory of Min Hyeji'

I could feel the wave of sadness filling the last corner of my body and I immediately bit my lip as I tried to remember what her face looked and her voice sounded like.
To be honest we never really resembled one another.

Her face had been softer and rounder than mine, her height barely the same and her facial features way friendlier appearing.
Overall, she hadn't just looked like the loving mother you'd see in movies though, she had been one...

"Hey Mom", I faintly smiled, once again brushing the fake white hair behind my ear. I could already tell that my heart beat was quickening while my lips started to tremble.

"It's been a while."

Biting my lip again, I tried to control my restless body and kneeled down, carefully placing the flowers on the emptly place in front of the stone.
The sun fell warmly onto my back, my shadow lying right in front of me.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around", I barely breathed, tilting my head to the side so a bit of sun could shine on the inscription,
"but my life is a mess right now. You probably know that already though... I don't even know what to say other than sorry. I-"

For a second my voice cracked, my fingers nervously playing with my coat as my inner self tried to stay calm.

"I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I never wanted to... to dissappoint you, but I probably did and I am so sorry."