EMBERS • HAECHAN (Not Finished Yet)

Chapter 39

With tired eyes I stared down at the hidden burn marks that adorned the pale skin of my palms.
Over time, they had become so normal for me that I often forgot about them. It was like a birthmark, you knew it was there, but in the end they just faded away.

You only really noticed them when you gave them your attention for a brief moment.

And so I found myself in such a moment, minutes gradually passing into hours as I only focused on them.

I had no idea what time it was.

Only the sun's rays, embracing my room in a warm and golden color, signalled the morning that I had wished for so much.

The last night had been pure hell.

Although my eyes had tried to close and relax several times, the following darkness was desperately flooded by the image of familiar and raging flames.
Each time I tore them open again, desperately trying to banish the blazing fire to the farthest corner of my subconscious.

But I didn't succeed. Instead, fear and remorse plagued me in every single second, making me afraid to fall asleep and drown in the overwhelming amber light.

So not only SVT and NCT stood on the pedestal of my enemies, but also my own sleep.

"Are you all right?" Momo asked me worried as she turned on her chair, looking right in my direction.

I hadn't heard her voice and instead continued to stare at the blackboard in thoughtless while the palm of my hand supported my heavy head.

"Sunghee", she whispered again, but received no answer.

Only when she threw her eraser at my temple did I register her presence and draw my fleeting attention to her.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong? You don't look so good."

"Thank you," I ignored her question and shifted my gaze back to the teacher.

Even though she was one of my best friends, I didn't feel the need to talk about it. I'd rather take my thoughts to my grave than let those memories haunt me during the day as well.

"Hey, don't be like that. I can clearly see that you're not well."

With tired eyes I looked at her one last time and tried to give her a gentle smile.

"Momo, don't worry. I just didn't sleep much, that's all."

Her shoulders sank at these words as the tension gradually disappeared from her body.

"Promise me there's nothing else?"

"Promise," I assured, clearly lying to her in the end.

I mean, I had told her part of the truth, but I preferred to keep the rest to myself.

So the two of us went back to focusingon  class, while I had to actively make sure that my eyelids didn't shut at any moment.
My whole head was zoned out and before I knew it, the end of the lesson was already there.

The ringing of the school bell ripped me harshly out of my daydream and telling that it was time for lunch.
So together with Momo I made my way to our canteen, until we queued up there and waited for our turn.

It didn't take long before I had the tray of freshly cooked food in my hands and was searching for a free table.

"Soyeon and Mina are sitting back there", Momo informed me and nodded her head in one direction of the canteen.

Instantly my eyes followed her until they caught onto the back of my best friend, her short definitely helping me to destinguish her.
Automatically a smile formed on my face and I took a few steps itowards them before I suddenly noticed a couple of other students sitting right next to the two girls, absorbed in their own private conversation.

In the very same second I stopped in the middle of my movement and stood still as if rooted to the ground.

"Uh... what's wrong?" Momo frowned as she also came to a halt right next to me and tried to interpret my confusing expression.

"I think I'll eat alone today", I muttered exhaustedly and turned on my heels.

"Wait, is it because of Donghyuck?"

"Him and the rest of NCT," I answered over my shoulder as I already walked my way out of the canteen with my tray in both hands.

Maybe on another day wouldn't have fled, but today I was too exhausted to be confronted with basically any of them.
I knew that if I came near them, a familiar fire would be kindled inside of me again and that would most likely suck out any remaining energy.

So I walked lazily through the corridors of the school until I found myself in the theatre room, secretly devouring my lunch behind the red curtains.
Although I would have liked to sit back and relax for the rest of the break, I forced myself to fight against this need.

I didn't need any sleep. Not if it meant I had to relive everything all over again.

Actually, I didn't have many fears, but in the last few days a significant one had developed and grown rapidly.

And so I did everything in my power to stay awake under all circumstances.

It's update day yay🤟🏼

Ngl I had a hard time editing this because my friend asked me about Skz survival show and it made me rewatch their eliminations👁👄👁
I shouldn't be that emotional about it but I really am that crying bitch 😂✌🏼

Off to the next chapter haha🤡