Loving Rukia

Thinking

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(Renji's P.O.V)

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You know how people always say that the journey is the hardest?

Well...it's not.

I can say so from experience.

The destination is.

Just imagine.

You work so hard, go through so much, to finally be just this close to completing the journey.

And when you get just a step away from the door of your goal, the door closes.

And not just a nice little soft "oh, sorry, not available" kind of closing.

It's a brutal, loud slam that almost chop your hand off.

A stupid simile...saying that my encounter last night was like that.

But that's what I was feeling like.

That's what I was feeling like when I woke up. Like crap. And a whole lot of other unsavory things that I shall refrain from mentioning, as they might be bordering on profanity.

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I was awake.

But I didn't feel like opening my eyes.

I could sense the light streaming in through the small bedroom I occupied in Urahara Shoten, courtesy of Kisuke Urahara, the previous twelfth company captain who had been banished to the world of the living, but ... yeah. It was a long story.

What had...

Shit.

Last night...

I squeezed my eyes shut harder, trying to block out that painful memory.

Why did I have to wake up...

Damn. Damn. Damn it.

Renji, you idiot.

Me and my stupid alcohol drinking.

Okay...so maybe I wasn't too drunk...so I can't blame it on the sake

I was an idiot to think that Rukia would accept someone like me.

Renji Abarai, the lone, stray dog from the Rukongai. District 78. I used to be human refuse. It didn't matter that I was an assistant captain, or that I had saved Rukia. I wasn't even an aristocrat like the Kuchikis.

It was just like the time when Ichigo defeated me at the steps of Rukia's prison.

I'm just a stray. All I can do is howl at the moon, much less than jump at it.

I stretched, and rubbed my eyes.

They were sore from all that tearing up I had been doing before I passed out. So masculine of me.

Tch. Who was I kidding...

Ichigo...hope you have better luck than me with her...