how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

forty-one: jealousy

"Please stop doing this to yourself." Lucia grasped his hand, "Sex has always been something casual to me, no feelings or commitments attached. It was just a release, that's all."

Tom inhaled deeply.

"It's a totally different thing with you, which is why it's better." She continued, "I didn't know the difference until it was with someone who cared about me. The look in your eyes, the way you touch me... it's not even comparable."

"I'm sorry for being oversensitive." Tom looked down from the balcony.

"It's okay, I know it's not something you're used to." Lucia assured him, "If I could take it back I would, but I was a different person before."

"As was I." Tom chuckled, "You make me crazy."

"I think this is just actually you." Lucia commented, "The guy who hides every emotion unless it can get him what he wants was just a product of a shitty childhood in an orphanage I think. If you'd been given love and taught how to properly express your emotions properly I think you'd have been more like this before."

Tom seemed to consider this for a moment.

"I do think we both need to work on coping with our emotions healthily though, every time it seems we just end up getting each other off in some way or another." Lucia added with a laugh.

"I can't say I mind that though." Tom quirked an eyebrow.

"Me neither." Lucia smirked.

Another rush of cold wind belted against the castle, the first droplets of rain for the night hitting Lucia's face like a surge of icicles, causing a shiver to run down her spine.

"Do you want to go?" Tom asked as he noticed the change in weather.

"Yeah, I don't really want to go back to the party though. It's late, I might just go to bed." Lucia responded.

"Stay with me tonight?" Tom requested with hopeful eyes.

"We're in different houses, I can't come into the dungeons." Lucia said regretfully.

"I can get you in. The others in the dormitory have snuck out to Hogsmeade, so they won't be back until later." Tom assured, "And they wouldn't dare open the curtains to my bed and disturb me when they get back, no matter how many firewhiskeys they've had."

"Okay, but if we get caught it's your fault." Lucia said with a smile, wrapping her arms around herself due to the lack of warmth the thin material of her dress provided.

They began walking to the dungeons, the coldness of outside emulated by the stone walls of the castle. Tom wrapped his arm around Lucia and brought her into his side.

When they arrived at the entrance, Tom spoke the password which revealed a rough stone staircase. He went to check the common room for any late night studiers, and returned shortly to get Lucia with a smile.

He took her hand as they descended the steps and into the green-glowing room with a rather cold but grand atmosphere. They walked through the common room and to the further steps that lead to the dormitories. After treading quietly by the other rooms, wary of the repercussions of seeing any other students, they arrived at the seventh year boys dorm.

Tom edged the door open and looked inside to make sure the others weren't back already, but then opened it further so the two could walk in.

The Slytherin dormitory was similar to the Ravenclaw ones, but with a darker atmosphere and a lot more green of course. Thick emerald curtains surrounded each of the four-poster beds, and sets of shelving were placed around the room. On many of the beds, dirty uniforms were thrown and screwed up parchment was scattered. But there was one bed that was made, and had only a couple of school books resting on the bedside table.

"Let me guess, that one's yours?" Lucia chuckled, pointing to the cleanest one.

Tom nodded with humour, "Sorry about the others."

"I don't mind." Lucia said as she continued to observe the room.

They stood in silence for a few moments. It had been the longest time that they hadn't stayed in the same room since they met, so neither of them quite knew how to act.

Tom walked over to the closet beside his bed, pulling out a Slytherin sweatshirt and passing it to Lucia. She thanked him with a small smile as he returned to the closed to pull out a pair of sweatpants for himself.

He settled them down on the bed, as Lucia sat to take off her heels that were growing quite uncomfortable due to the long distance to walk between places in the large expanse of the Hogwarts castle.

Tom pulled his shirt over his head, and moved to unbuckle his dress pants, pausing to send a small smirk to Lucia who had her eyes subtly fixed on him as he undressed.

"Eyes to yourself love." He repeated his words from what seemed like so long ago.

Lucia smirked, pulling her other shoe off and shaking her feet in relief.

Tom was now in just the sweatpants, and moved to adjust the pillows on the single bed.

Lucia stood up to get changed, but realised there was no way she could reach over her shoulder that far to unzip it.

"Tom, can you undo the zip." She caved as asked for help. He looked up with a pleased smile and walked over to stand behind her.

Tom moved her hair over her shoulder to one side so that it wouldn't get caught in the zipper. His fingertips then grazed over her spine as he grasped the small zip to pull it down, and she could feel his breath tickling the back of her neck. Lucia could tell he was taking much longer than necessary to savour the moment of touching her skin, but finally she felt the zipper reach the end with a small jolt. Tom brought his hands to Lucia's shoulders to gently allow the straps to fall down. She felt his lips graze over her shoulder, his breath causing her hair to stick on end as he pressed a long kiss on her bare skin.

She slowly turned around to look at him, and he brushed a hair from her face gently.

"Thank you." She breathed, pushing the dress off so it pooled at her feet without breaking eye contact with him.

His eyes were dark as he attempted to keep them locked on hers. But he faltered, and allowed his eyes to trail down her body.

"Eyes to yourself." She chuckled breathlessly.

"No." He smirked, and she hooked her arms around his neck, pressed her body against him and kissed him hard.

author's note

eek sorry for the cliffhanger

thank you to all of you who had a look at my new fic and for all the love, will update it soon!

also thank you for getting this to #2 in tomriddle again, that's so insane to me considering how many tom riddle fanfics are on wattpad. I think it's at #4 again now, but the fact that it's been in the top 10 for literally so long is absolutely crazy.

a question for you all: how did you find this fic? I have always wondered since I get mine mostly from tiktok recommendations, so I haven't really seen how people find them on wattpad!

<3