cause you were all yellow | a.i.

twenty two.

control zoe wees
"i wouldnt have made it if i didnt have you holding my hand."

i waited until i saw clairo walk inside until i got back into my car.

i had to know she was safe, ya know?

i drove back home with only the sound of music filling my car. there was no clairo there to listen to as she sang to me.

and there was no clairo there to sing to.

so i drove home in silence.

because when she left me, my alive feeling did too.

i pulled into my driveway and headed inside. i saw the lights still on.

"mum, im home," i announced as i kicked my shoes off.

"oh! ashton!" mum called from the couch as she stood up.

when i walked into view, her smile died off. "no clairo?"

"no clairo," i repeated back to her. "she came with us to practice but i dropped her at home."

"aww," she sighed. "i really loved her. i was hoping youd bring her around more."

"shell be back soon," i told her as we both turned to walk towards the living room.

"whats that supposed to mean?" she asked confused walking in front of me.

"just shell be back," i started. "neither of us can live without the other at this point," i whispered below my breath.

"what was that?" she asked as she sat down on the coach.

"oh nothing. but youll see her again soon, im sure of it," i told her as i walked towards the stairs to head to my room.

"well, i like her so bring her back around," i heard her call from the couch. "she seems to make you happy and i like it that way."

"i will mum," i called back as i reached my
door. "good night, love you."

"love you, ashton," she called as i walked inside my room.

id never understood the idea of love until now.

ever since i was a kid, i would tell me mom i loved her, but i never understood what it meant.

but now i do.

i think i love clairo.

and shes the reason im starting to understand what love is.

love is when you would do anything for that person, to keep them safe and make them happy.

loves when theyre your reason to keep going.

love is when theyre your yellow.

clairo is my yellow. and i love her.

until i had clairo, my mom was my 'yellow', my reason to keep going. and thats why i love her.

and now i have clairo too.

but im too scared to tell her.

i laid down on my bed, pulling out my phone.

ashton
thank you for everything tonight.
and just being you in general.

yellow
and thank you for being you.

ashton
sleep well yellow.

yellow
i will.