A Dance of Life

51

"Anné, please eat," my dad coaxes, pushing the plate of mashed potatoes and vegetables toward me. "I know you feel out of it, but you have to eat for you and the babies."

Diana, my dad, and I are the only ones at our table. Pat and Nathan are talking with the attorney out of earshot, and although I can't hear them, I can see how upset they are. Pat's arms are folded across her chest and she has a deep frown on her face. Nathan, on the other hand, looks pissed off and his hands are quite animated in their gesturing, waving this way and that.

My dad calls for my attention again but his voice holds an edge to it. "Eat your food. We have." He glances at his watch and then back at me. "Fifteen minutes before we have to return to the courtroom. Eat."

I clench my jaw and pull the plate closer to me. I use the fork to pick up some potatoes and bring it shakingly to my mouth. To no surprise, it tastes like sand, but I resist the urge to spit it out and keep eating.

"Have you spoken to your brother?" My dad is asking Diana.

She nods, biting her lip and stealing glances at me. "I called the babysitter earlier and spoke to him. He's still upset that we left him behind."

My dad sighs but doesn't say anything and props his head unto his palm.

"Both of you can leave, you know?" I say after taking my last bite of the soggy vegetables. "You're not testifying so you don't really have any use here."

Geez, Annelise, are we seriously doing this again?

"Shut up, okay?" Diana snaps, causing my eyes to go wide. "I know all about treating others like crap because you feel like crap, it's my expertise."

God, I cry silently. Why won't they just leave me alone?

"We're staying and we're going to help you." She looks down at the plastic table and shakes her head. "I know how you feel and even though you want to push everyone away, that's actually the last thing you want. And that's the last thing you need."

My eyes fill with tears and I bow my head so they don't see. My mind feels too broken to process everything that's happening.

"So, since you've decided to assume my role of being rude, I'm going to assume your role of suffocating love and resilience," Diana says.

"Diana," my dad says carefully, unsure how to react.

"No, it's fine, papa," I sniff, looking up at him. "It's fine. Excuse me for a moment, I need to use the toilet."

"I'm coming with you," Diana tells me, her tone leaving no room for argument.

"Fine."

I stand up from the bench slowly, trying not to trip, and walk in the direction of the toilet. Even though I don't look back to see if D is following me, my pace makes it easy for her to catch up and in a moment she's beside me.

"So, what are we going do to after this?" Diana says, bouncing on her feet like the day we met.

"I couldn't tell you, D.R.," I mutter, clenching my jaw.

We continue the walk in silence and enter the toilet upon reaching it. I quickly enter a stall and drop onto the toilet seat, placing my face in my palms.

God, you have to help me. I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Be strong in Me and in the power of My might.