yellow tulips

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"I miss you" Katie came to the store rushing towards me, opening her arms. She hugged me tightly and pat my back. "How have you been doing?" She asked, in a soft voice of hers. She knows how much I went through after Hiroki's loss. "Same thing as always" I replied. She pouted and gave me another hug. "I'm here for you. Remember that"

"I'll get going first. I'll come back at dinner" since it's lunchtime, and I have my break time, I decided to have a meal at home. All three of them waved goodbye to me and I left to the market to buy groceries.

I took a basket and look around the store. I don't even have something in mind I want to eat. Maybe fusilli salad would be alright. I took the items I needed and proceed to the cashier once I'm done.

5.36 pm

While cooking, I was reminded by this morning's dream. It's odd that how I can remember everything clearly but not the person inside. Ouch. I hit my fingers to the hot pan, not knowing I was busy dazing off. I close the gas and place my pasta on a plate.

I sit on the dining table and eat. It wasn't that bad. I took few more bites and then remembered what Seehye told me. I look around the house, recalling our past times. The house where both Seehye and I bought together. Looks like this is how I'm going to be when she leaves. Eating alone too.

It'll be fun, I guess. Being alone. I grinned and continued eating. I cleaned up the house while I still have time to spare. The house is going to be pretty lonely with just me around. I wipe my shelf where I place pictures of frame; Seehye and I, mom and dad when they were younger and another frame that was empty.

I frowned and studied around the old, rusty frame. Didn't know why I had it there. I probably knew but I have forgotten about it. I look around the frame and, on the glass, it has a date stated on it. The date and year were familiar. I calculated and I was around 9 years old.

I stood up and tried so hard to remember what's about it but nothing is appearing on my mind. I then remembered a picture I kept on my drawer. I rushed to find it and once I found it, I sat myself on my bed, tearing up. It was her. She was my art teacher but more like a best friend of mine and my own mother.

She treats me well enough and makes me believe there's hope in life. I miss her. She was all the reason of why the world I'm living in is reasonable. It's a picture of me and her when I was younger. That was the last time I have ever see her again.

"Luna. I won't be teaching you anymore so, this will be the end of our lesson forever. I'm going far away and that it won't be possible for me to come back..." Ms Shin held me hands and warmed it. "Will you be going to the outer space? Can I follow?" She laughed.

I was serious about wanting to go outer space since I loved learning about what's outside of the earth. "...then, then can you please take a picture of the space and show me?" I asked her. "I definitely will, Luna" she combed my hair with her fingers and neatly adjust my hair. I hugged her and she patted my back repeatedly while I heard cries.

"It's okay, Ms Shin, you'll be fine. 'This is not the end, but the beginning' right, Ms Shin?" I pat her thigh and wiped her tears. She always tells me those words when I needed.

I didn't know anything at that age. I regretted so much not knowing what she went through. I wiped my tears and kept the picture the same place where it was previously. She was my role model and the only person I looked up to. She was an independent and a strong woman.

6.36 pm

"How was it?" I swung the door open to the art store, seeing Heri on the counter side. "Everything went well, boss!" She stood up quick seeing me. "Boss, my ass" I added and walk to the counter. "Go on, have dinner I'll look after" She nod and I sat at the chair. "Oh, and there's a bouquet for you!" I look up at her, confused and she point behind me.

I turned around and saw a huge bouquet of yellow tulips. "Who even?" I asked myself and stood up. "I don't know, but seems like a nice person who gave you. Since yellow is the colour of unrequited or spurned love. Sending a yellow tulip to someone means you love them, but you know they don't return your feelings" she added.

I turned around and was proud at how she said like she recited everything from a paper. "Great job!" I thumbed up and she smiled. I taught her meanings of flowers when she first worked here and I'm so happy for her to have made improvements. She took her item and walked pass me to go out. I look at the tulips and wondered where this came from. I searched for a note and surprisingly it was deeply inside the crowds of flowers.

To the store's artist

Here's a gift for you since you've kept the portrait for me. Please continue to keep it safe and I'll collect it soon.

LDH

What the hell. I annoyingly put back the card inside the bouquet and threw it straight to the bin. I went upstairs to look at the clays inside the kiln. "Luna-ah. You asshole! Why'd you threw the tulips away?" I heard Katie screaming from downstairs with mouth filled. "You can take it if you want" I yelled back.

5.23 am

I straightforwardly sat myself looking outside the window. I turned around and saw Seehye, sleeping next to me. I touched my face and felt tears stained. I remembered now, that dream. That face, but not that portrait. I silently cried, while looking outside of the window.

What is it that you want to tell me, Ms Shin? Seehye woke up and gripped my arm. "Are you okay?" She asked, in a small tone of hers. I nod and quickly wiped my tears away, while still looking at the night skies. "Are you sure? you were crying in your sleep" She stated.

I turned around and started, "I'm sorry to have troubled you. Go on and sleep at your room, I'm fully awake now. I can't sleep" I showed a smile. She nod and walk out from my room. I quickly change my shirt and ran out from the house to the store.

I took Seehye's bicycle with me since there's no transport until sun rises. She told me I could use it anytime I needs it. The distance isn't what matters to me. I just need to be there and look for the painting that might be related with what I have.

I ran upstairs to the storeroom to grab my ladder but stopped and searched for the painting instead in the storeroom instead. The entire room was filled with canvas of paintings but I just couldn't find the right one. I searched and searched until my eyes came across the painting I've never bought or paint. It was her, I found it. I squatted and held the piece.

The material of the canvas was rough and the painting is fading... from having too much sunlight on it that I probably used to hang this on my wall to stare and talk to her through this painting. I caressed her eyes as a teardrop slide out my eyes. I murmured, trying so hard to talk to her. "I... It's been years. It's too tough... b-but I'm still trying, trying to find him... for you"

I closed my face tightly before bursting into more tears. "...It's a promise; That I won't break" I sat myself and started shivering in sweats. I gripped my mouth and started screaming in silence. Of course, living in this world isn't something I want but I have to, and it's disappointing.

From afar, I could see her distancing herself from me. Waving me goodbye, while she kept yelling to me to stop walking towards her. It was the first time I have ever been this far from her. My parents stopped me from running to her for a hug. She closes her mouth and her eyes wasn't the same huge and sparkling eyes anymore. It's destroyed. It was extremely swollen and tearful. After I was stopped, she disappeared in a blink of an eye. 

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