The Blessed Unrest

And, to her credit, Addison doesn't laugh, or make fun, or joke it away.

She just keeps nodding supportively, and it finally brings Meredith's breathing under control.

She didn't abandon me, already, like everyone else in my life?

"Meredith, you don't have to explain it to me. I shouldn't have had you in there. It was an error on my part, I'm sorry for that, and I just wanted to let you know that I was harsh on you because I was rushing the baby into surgery, not because I was angry at you," Addison offers before bowing her head at her.

Maye this is why Mark flew thousands of miles just to see her again.

"Why are you here, Addison?" Meredith asks very quietly. "You should hate me. By all rights, you should hate me. I mean, I stole your McDreamy. I dumped my dog onto you then he died and I watched. And now, you're divorced, and I have mommy and daddy issues, and you're an Attending, why aren't you busy bossing people around like the other people with PhD.'s around here?" Meredith rambles.

"For what it's worth, Meredith, I really did love the dog..." Addison affirms awkwardly.

"Yeah, well, so did I. And then he died. So..." Meredith frowns darkly, expressing her anger at the world at this woman at random, and she finally shuts herself up because she realizes she doesn't need to waste Addison's time any more than she already has.

Meredith expects Addison to leave at this point. She would have, at least. Meredith has no idea why this tall and powerful woman is still standing in the doorway after she'd been scoffing at her for the better part of the last ten minutes.

But then, Meredith runs away from her problems. Just like her mother does. Just like her father does.

It's in her blood.

"I don't ah, I don't hate you, Meredith..." Addison sighs tiredly, and then Meredith realizes that she's spent over fifteen minutes venting here, and she hasn't even asked Addison how her day's been going yet.

She's used to people just taking care of her. Maybe she's greedy that way. Probably.

"You don't?" Meredith looks up, wide-eyed, and incredibly moved. After she's earned Addison's not-hate, she's realized to herself how much she really freakin' respects that.

She's hated Addison for ages, but Addison hasn't been hating her back.

It feels suddenly cheap she's been hating Addison for so long, especially when she hasn't had reason to.

And now, she can't figure out why she's been hating Addison after all.

Actually, at this point, she can't figure out why she doesn't like her. Oops. Big oops.

"No, I don't, Meredith," Addison sighs, and Meredith can't figure out why she's looking amused again for a second.

"Why the hell not!?" Meredith lashes out again, clenches her fists, and punches the wall until her hand bleeds a little, and Addison rushes into the room then and stops her, holding onto Meredith's hands so she'll stop hurting herself.

"Meredith..." Addison says softly.

"Why don't you hate me!?" Meredith whips her arms out of Addison's reach, waves them in the air, and almost reaches to punch Addison's arm, but then she finally snaps out of it and stops herself.

No, I would never hit her. I'd never hit a woman. I'd never hit a woman like that...

"I just, don't," Addison offers. "I did, for a while, but it was hard to keep hating you when you didn't know, about Derek being married to me, I mean. And then, after that, after the prom, sure, you slept with him, but sure, I slept with Mark, and it's not like I'm trying to talk about being even here, but trust me, Grey, I've ah- I've done a lot worse than you have, so..." Addison sighs, and she gestures to the spot besides Meredith on the supply closet floor, and Meredith finally realizes she should be nodding here.