Forget me not

Chapter 17

I had heard stories of elves fading, but I had never experienced it firsthand. I had never observed it, but I was certain that was what this was now. She was noticeably paler. It seemed her skin lost all its luminescence. It was a funny shade of grey. She did not glow as she once did, or rather, her glow was very much irregular. It was strong at one moment and then a minute later, it was barely there. I did not know how to stop this. I did not know what to do to save her from giving up. I knew only that I had to try.

*****

I awakened a few hours later when we stopped to make camp. The other elves clearly could not go days on end without sleep as Legolas had obviously hoped, so we stopped and set up camp. It was not permanent, and we were expected to be ready to leave again at first light.

I dismounted the horse and sat under a tree on a blanket that Legolas set out for me. I knew that I would likely not eat or sleep. I just sat there staring into the blackness around me. What I wouldn’t give for it to simply engulf me, swallow me whole. I wanted to just disappear into the night and never come back.

I sighed. Legolas approached me with a bowl of stew. I took the bowl only for the warmth it offered my hands. I did not want to eat it. The horrid smell made me want to vomit. I held it a moment and set it down before me.

“Are you not going to eat?”

I shook my head. “I feel unwell.”

He frowned and leaned forward to take the bowl. “You must eat, Merewen. You are not well, and you will only recover with nourishment. It has been a trying time for us all, you must not give up when we are so close to the great city.”

I could not even force a smile. I just sat there looking at him. “I am not hungry, Legolas. If you do not mind, I wish to be alone for a while.”

Legolas sighed and took the bowl to find company elsewhere. I lay down under the tree and stared at the overcast sky. There were no stars this night; the moon was barely visible behind the heavy clouds. They seemed to reflect my mood. It did not rain, yet there was a cloud there, a heavy covering. There was enough sorrow there to cause tears, but there was something that did not allow me to cry, likely something to do with myself. I sighed and stared at the sky.

‘Oh, Elladan,’ I thought to myself, ‘I miss you dearly. I wish I was with you, in Mandos’ Halls. I have no need to be here. No one gains anything from me, surely they would not lose anything if I should depart this world.’

*****

He walked away from her and looked back only to see her laying down under the tree. She hurt so much inside. He wondered if she realized what was happening to her. He wondered if she cared. Of course she didn’t care! She was fading. She would not care.

Legolas took the bowl of uneaten stew to someone who sat on their own without food, and he returned to look at Merewen. She looked asleep. She looked so sad. He did not approach her directly, only looked at her from a distance.

Legolas decided to join the sentries on their guard tonight. He would not sleep, he knew that much, and another set of eyes was never a bad thing.

*****

Inwe walked through the growth of the forest; clearly, the spiders had made a horrible home for any other inhabitants of the forest, it was overgrown and the weeds and unwanted plants of the forest were taking over the trees and wanted plants. Inwe trudged through, though, and Haldir followed not far behind.

Inwe knew that something was wrong with her friend. Of course, if she had seen Elladan fall, that was something that might make Merewen have a very hard time. She was probably grieving. It was probably clear to everyone but Merewen herself that Elladan and she were more than friends, and their friendship was only a cover for the fact that they both wanted more. It would have been very hard for her friend to get over his death so soon. The unease and the sense that Inwe had that something was wrong was surely only that. She continued trying to remain unworried for her friend, hoping the best, but she knew better than to doubt her intuition.

Inwe noticed that there were lights and voices ahead, and though Haldir wanted to rush forward and greet them, Inwe was uncertain these were whom they sought. She told him to be quiet, and she sneaked up to the camp, hoping she was unnoticed until she realized that there was a knife at her throat.

She stood carefully and turned slowly to face her attacker. The man had long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She glanced to the side to see that Haldir, too, had been caught off guard and was being held against his will with a drawn arrow to his throat.

“Who are you?” Inwe demanded before her attacker could get a word in edgewise.

The elf smiled at her. “Striking words for one in such a position,” He chuckled at her. “We are elves of Mirkwood, coming to aid Lothlorien in their time of need, if you must know. I am Legolas Greenleaf.” His answer was blunt and mocking, but Inwe did not care about this. Her eyes widened and she would have knelt before him if she was not so scared of cutting her throat.

She closed her eyes in submission, “Forgive me, your Highness. I… I was only looking for my comrades. I am Inwe Elanesse, I am looking for Merewen—”

Immediately the Prince withdrew his weapon and his face grew grave. “Thank the Valar you are here. Come.”

Legolas needed no more explanation and motioned his lackey to remove the weapon from Haldir’s throat. Inwe then followed the Prince to Merewen’s side.

“She has been like this a while, though I did not notice it at first. She asked time for herself and by the time I came to wake her, she was like this. I do not know how to help her.” Inwe kneeled by her friend’s side.

“Have you no healers among your clan here that can tell you what this is?” Legolas shook his head regretfully. Inwe took her friend’s hand and looked at her grey face and unfocused eyes. “I knew there was something wrong. She is fading.”

“Unfortunately, I have more bad news, Ms. Elanesse….” Legolas lowered his eyes and Inwe turned to face him with tears in her own.

“My Lord, I know about Elladan. There is something you should know, also: Merewen is empathic. She can feel what others feel. She was sent to Lord Elrond of Rivendell to learn to harness her power, but we left untimely, and she has not mastered it. She will not be able to control whose heart she feels or how much it influences her.” Legolas looked bewildered. “This means, Prince Legolas, that you must get away from her, your sadness and the sadness of anyone too close to her can harm her. If you are near, your heart must be full of happiness and joy.”

Legolas understood now. He nodded and did not leave. Inwe did not have the intrusiveness to ask a prince to leave, so she assumed he would control his feelings from here.