Forget me not

Chapter 23

I felt something new around me. It felt like a buzzing. It felt like I was waiting for someone to come and tell me good news. I knew something joyous had happened, though in my current state, I could not know what. I felt Legolas’ arms around me. I felt him nuzzle my neck and kiss my forehead. I grew to miss that when it was not happening. It must have been a long time since I had not been in his arms. I wished only to curl up with his and let this buzzing feeling engulf me.

Legolas awakened and told me he would be back in a moment. Someone came to my side, but I did not know who it was. It was not Legolas. I felt them touch my hair and hold my hand. Inwe.

“Merewen, I do not wish to be so happy when you are like this, but I cannot think that you would wish sadness upon me. I have come to tell you wonderful new. I am engaged to be wed to Haldir, the March Warden of Lothlorien. I wanted you to be the first to know, but you were here with Legolas, I was certain you slept. I waited until he left.” I felt something on my cheek and recognized it as a tear; it had fallen from her. “I only want to share my joy with you, but I do not feel I can.”

I waited for her to continue, and for a moment, it seemed she would not. Then she settled next to me, how Legolas usually would, and touched my soft hair. “You have been gone so long, my friend. I wish I could talk to you. I suppose you belong to Legolas now, not in the sense that he owns you, but in the sense that he has your heart.”

I could not immediately comprehend her words. I would have furrowed my brow but I did not move, I just lay there, contemplating.

“He loves you, you know. I can sense it, I can tell. I am no empath, Merewen, but I do know a few things. He looks at you each day, pleading for you to only awaken from this daze. He wants to be with you, he would remain with you for all of your life and beyond, if only you would come back to us. We need you here, my friend.”

She sighed, and I felt more tears on my skin. “I know it is selfish to tell you this when you have been so plagued by demons of your mind, but you are the one person I could never live without. I miss you so much all the time, you know. I miss you because when you would be celebrating with me, you are here, when you would be holding me because I need to cry, you are here. I need you, my friend. I love you. Legolas needs and loves you too. I don’t know if it would help, but he told me he would pledge his heart to you, be with you for eternity, if only you would awaken and take back your life which you were so willing to throw away.”

I could not move, though I wanted to cry. Inwe had never spoken to me this way before. She was never one to be emotional. She was never one to spill her heart to anyone. Now she was telling me everything that she ever wanted to. It hurt my heart to feel her so upset. I wanted to hold her and tell her it would be all right. If only for her, I wanted to come back and participate in this world again. But alas, it was not enough. I could not come back. I was stuck in my own daze in my own mind. I was trapped in my own stupor.

Suddenly, the thought struck me, ‘I will fade. I will leave this world. I do not wish to leave those I love so dearly. I do not wish pain upon them such as the pain I felt with the death of Elladan. I want to get up. I want to run and dance and be with those I love. I want to love.’

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but I could not blink, I could not move. I did not have the strength.

Inwe spoke a few more short words, not having noticed the tear, but she left and soon after Legolas returned with more food and drink.

He sat with me and held me. I saw his face, unfocused, leaning over me, looking at me with interest. He trailed his finger across the path my tear took. He trailed it back to my eye. “Merewen? Are you there? Can you hear me?”

I wanted to shout to him that I could. I wanted to tell him I could hear him and feel him. I could smell him, and I could even see him, if not very well. However, my throat was constricted and my muscles too weak to move. It must have been a long time since I had moved. It must have been weeks. I could no longer muster the strength to do anything but swallow what he poured down my throat.

Legolas did not give up, however. “Merewen, you wept. I only want you to come back to me. I would comfort you, I would listen to you, hear why you weep. I would hold you while you cry, and sooth you when you are sad. Merewen, I would spend the rest of my life with you, I would love you for eternity if only you would return to me.”

I felt his tears fall on my face. I felt them fall in my eyes. I blinked the strange things away.

I blinked.

Legolas stopped. “Merewen?”

I blinked again. He touched my face, and I found that it was quite refreshing to blink. I could still not focus well, but I blinked and slowly his face became clearer.

“Can you speak?” I blinked twice consecutively, to tell him ‘no’. Perhaps he would figure this out after enough questions.

“You can hear me?” I blinked once. “Your name is Merewen.” One blink. “You are a dwarf?” I blinked twice. “You like this tea?” Two more blinks and he laughed. “One blink yes and two blinks no.” I blinked once.

He laughed, and I felt his tears fall down my face. I blinked this time only to remove them from my own eyes. I was getting very tired. I was barely moving and yet the exhaustion I felt from blinking was painful.

“You are tired, this has worn you out.” I blinked once and then paused a moment before blinking again, to answer yes to both statements. He laughed again. “Would you like to rest in your bed?” I blinked twice, not wanting to leave him. “What if I joined you?” I blinked once again.

Legolas carried me like one might carry a bride over a threshold. I wondered if that was what I was.

*****

It was not long before I had full use of my vocal cords again. After a week I was speaking relatively well with Legolas, only needing to pause briefly to take water that he fed me because I could barely hold up my own arm, let alone steady a cup of water.

I liked to talk to him. I would soon be able to move around and do other things, but for now, this was fine.

“I like to talk to you, Legolas.” The phrases I used were simple because I could not speak for very long before tiring.

“I like to speak with you also, Merewen.” He smiled and held out the water to my lips.

“I like when you hold me.” He blushed a little, and I did too at the bluntness, but it passed quickly seeing as, in my condition, I could not be subtle as it would require too much thought and speech.

“I enjoy that also.”

I smiled. “Will you stay with me?”

“As long as you do not send me away.”

“Not only today… I mean, forever?” I felt my eyes brim with tears, but I did not release them.

He nodded, and I saw the water glistening on his cheeks. “I will stay with you until my heart breaks from loving you too much, Merewen.” I paused with a smile, and Legolas felt he needed to continue. “I did not like you as much as I should have when we first met. I thought you a foolish maiden who lost herself in the woods. I was wrong. You are a strong warrior and a brilliant female. I love everything about you, things you have told me and things you have not. I feel as though I have known you all my life.”

I smiled at his words, for I felt the same. “You like me more now?”

“I love you now, Merewen, and I would not stop if I was offered every star in the sky and every piece of gold in Middle Earth. I would not stop loving you unless you told me from your lips you wished it. But likely not even then.”

It was then I knew there was nothing else I desired more than this prince who so wilfully gave up his future to help a maiden he did not even know.