The Affair (Zarry/Zouis)

chapter 35

Zayn walks out the room and meets Harry as he's about to walk in. He startles when he bumps into Zayn but otherwise regains his composure.

"Hey," Harry says.

Hey? Is that all you have to say?

Zayn wants to ask him but he has to be calm so he doesn't lose his cool.

"How was your time with your sister?"

"Good. She wants to throw me a baby shower even though I keep telling her I don't want one," Harry says.

"Why don't you want one?" Zayn asks. It seems like something that Harry would love to do.

"Because I know you wouldn't like it," Harry replies.

Oh, so you consider my feelings for this?

"I don't mind," Zayn says. "Seems like it would be fun."

"Really?" Harry seems a bit surprised. He's used to the Zayn that doesn't like going for any type of event with him, but maybe it's because then Zayn was married and it was risky. Sometimes it's hard for his brain to adapt to the fact that Zayn has changed and their relationship is different now.

"Yeah, really," Zayn says. "Hey, do you want to come see Freddie for a bit? He's asleep but he's probably gonna get up soon."

"Later. I need to take a shower first," Harry says.

"And then something mighty convenient would come up and you'll find a reason to leave right?" Zayn asks, knowing Harry's game.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you like my son?"

"What? How can you ask me that?"

"Harry, why wouldn't I ask you that? You never want to meet him," Zayn says. "You even had a problem with him using that crib! It's quite obvious."

"Because that crib was for our son!"

"It is for our son, Freddie sleeping there isn't going to fucking change that. He's a fucking baby Harry, I can't believe you had a problem with that," Zayn says. Hearing Harry confirm that he did have a problem with that makes him more upset.

Harry ignores him, heading for their bathroom. Zayn pulls him back with his hand.

"What is wrong with you?" Zayn asks.

"Let me go," Harry tries to pull away but Zayn isn't letting him.

"No, we're going to talk about this,"

"I don't want to talk about it! There's nothing to talk about. You're just going to yell at me more,"

"That's because I'm trying to understand you and you're making it so fucking hard. We're settling this. Tell me the problem you have with Freddie,"

"I don't have a problem with him!"

"You were the one that told me not to leave Louis alone with a baby. You were the one that told me to be there for Freddie, where did that Harry go?"

"Zayn, let me go," Harry says, feeling uncomfortable.

"Do you want me to choose?" Zayn whispers.

Harry's heart skips a beat at that. He flashes back to the time he made Zayn choose between him and Louis. Zayn chose him but he still went back to Louis, because he was pregnant with Freddie. Sure he was the one that told him to go, but he still secretly hoped that Zayn would fight for him. And that never happened. Is that going to happen again?

"No," Harry says solemnly. "Why would you say that? Are you planning to leave me again?"

"Of course not but you're not making this easy for me Harry. If you keep acting like this then I wouldn't have another choice," Zayn says. He releases Harry's hand. Harry rubs at his wrists. "Did I hurt you?"

Harry shakes his head and walks into the bathroom. He locks the door behind him. Zayn can hear him crying and he feels bad for causing it. But they need to have the talk before things get worse.

He leaves the room and goes to check up on Freddie. He's still asleep but he's turning and tossing which means he's going to wake up soon.

Zayn sits at the side of the crib for about ten minutes, looking at his son as he slowly wakes up. He tries to carry him before he fully wakes up but it's too late. He wakes up crying loudly.

Zayn picks him out of the crib and pets him.

"Don't be scared. Daddy's here," Zayn says, trying to make him stop crying. Freddie's sobs slowly quiet down. Zayn pecks him on his forehead, causing him to smile a bit. It always makes him smile.

"You're really good with him," Harry's voice comes from the entrance of the nursery.

"I didn't know you were watching," Zayn replies. Harry's eyes are red from crying. His emotions have gotten less stable the more his pregnancy progresses. "Thanks. You wanna hold him?"

Harry shakes his head. Zayn sighs, disappointed.

"I like watching you with him," Harry says. "Zayn... I'm sorry."

Zayn raises a brow. "What for?"

"How I've been acting. I didn't want to admit it because it's silly and I'm ashamed about it. but the reason I've been acting that way is," he sighs. "I've been jealous of the way you are around him."

"Whenever you talk about him you have this smile on your face. You're always excited about the next time you see him, I was worried our kids won't experience the same love. I'm scared because I keep imagining him when he's older and I know he'll want his parents to be together and you'll leave me for Louis again,"

"Harry I'm never going to leave you," Zayn says. "And I'm going to love our kids. I love them so much already, how could I not? They're our children."

Harry nods, wiping out tears that are starting to drop from his eyes.

"I'm sorry for being silly. When I saw that picture of him in the crib my heart broke because I felt like he was taking the place of our son," Harry says. "I don't know why I'm like this. I know it isn't fair to you or him. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset you and make you leave. But by not saying anything my fears became worse."

"Next time you start feeling like this I want you to tell me immediately. Your feelings are valid no matter how ugly you think they are."

"Please don't leave me Zayn," Harry sobs. "I'm sorry I'm this way."

"Harry, I love you," Zayn says. "So stop expecting me to leave because of something like this."

"I love you too," Harry sniffles. "Can I... I don't deserve it but can I hold him?"

Zayn smiles. "It's all I've ever wanted you to do."

He hands Freddie over to Harry. Harry holds him in front of him. Freddie reaches out his hand and pulls at Harry's hair, hard.

"Ouch. I deserve that," Harry says.

Zayn chuckles. "Sorry. He likes to grab at things."

"He's adorable," Harry says, hugging him and liking his warmth and that particular baby scent on his skin.

"He is," Zayn says. Seeing his two favorite humans together makes him feel like crying too. He's wanted them to get along for so long and now it's finally happening.

...

Nothing but fluff from now on!

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