Mists of Celeste - an Ateez Fanfic

act four ➻ part six

"Need help with the dishes?" The voice catches off-guard, and you nearly chuck the ceramic plate in your hands across the cramped kitchen in your surprise.

"Shit, you scared — oh." You don't mean to sound so shocked but seeing San standing beside you at the sink is the last thing you were expecting. He just offers a weak smile, one that is strained and wavering but present nonetheless, and that gives you a little bit of hope about the ensuing conversation. He has effectively cornered you, and while you could make a daring escape and leave him to do the dishes on his own, that would be both suspicious and unnecessary when San isn't showing any signs of anger at the moment.

"Is that a yes or no?"

"Oh, um, be my guest, yeah. I'd... I'd appreciate the help," you mutter, pulling your chin forward again to focus on the steady stream of water from the faucet. San settles next to you without missing a beat; he snatches up a dish towel and begins to take the dishes you've set out on the drying rack, carefully drying each one with methodical twists of his wrists. You aren't sure how best to make conversation with him given the tense exchange you had earlier, so you opt to say nothing at all in hopes that San will be the one to initiate the confrontation. It works in your favor (the only thing on your side at the moment it seems) and after a few minutes of awkward silence, San finally speaks up.

"Earlier... when we were on the mission, I – I was unfair to you."

"You were well within your right, San," you respond as quickly as possible, not giving yourself a chance to think twice.

"That doesn't mean it was right."

"I don't hold it against you." You pause to heave a deep sigh. You're running out of dishes far too quickly which means that you'll actually have to face San rather than hiding as best you can with the dishes in the sink. "To be frank, I figured you would still be upset with me."

"I don't think I realized the weight of the decision on your shoulders," San explains. Ceramic hits metal before he can speak again, and you both tense from the sharpness of the sound. San inhales with the noise then shifts the plate he just hit on the side of the counter to set it down properly. "We put the responsibility on your shoulders because you're the only one who knew of the serum and experienced it firsthand. Looking back, it seems foolish of me to say that I should make the decision rather than Mingi. Not because he made the decision I wanted but... because the moral weight of choice is heavier than what's good and what's not. At least it should be."

You set the plate in your hands down to face San, twisting at the waist at the same time he does, and the sudden eye contact causes your mind to go completely blank in the blink of an eye.

"Uh..." Squeezing your eyes shut, you desperately attempt to bring the thought back but it's already too far gone and you've forgotten it completely. San offers a patient and gentle smile, eyes folding into soft crescents as he does, and a quiet laugh slips from his lips.

"Sorry for hitting you with the heavy stuff right after dinner. I just didn't want to let it sit and stew for too long."

"No, no, it's fine, I don't mind. I'm – well, I'm a bit curious about something." you shut the water off for the time being so that you can better focus on the conversation at hand, and the remaining dirty dishes lie forgotten in the sink.

"What's that?" San tilts his head to the side. You find yourself distracted by the way a few strands of black hair slip to frame his forehead and how his dimples slip away as his smile fades a bit, but you're quick to pull yourself back.

"Yesterday you asked me whether I would be okay with using the serum if you asked for it. But I wanted to know... if our positions were switched, would you be okay with it?"