Mists of Celeste - an Ateez Fanfic

act three ➻ part 5.5

If Seonghwa had the choice, he would opt not to go to Hongjoong's quarters and confront him, but after the rage he exhibited on the bridge, Seonghwa knows that he can't leave the man alone right now. It's been quite some time since Seonghwa saw him that angry, so much rage in his body that he even pushed it onto Seonghwa once the crew left the room. It was merely a quick push and a hissed order that told him to leave Hongjoong alone until further notice. Still, Hongjoong has never been angry enough to hit him, let alone shove him.

And Seonghwa understands – he truly does. He knows how important this lead was to Hongjoong; he knows that the captain held the highest hope for this one over any other that they've had in the past two years. To have it fall apart and crumble before their eyes? Seonghwa would be lying if he said that he wasn't upset as well.

Seonghwa hesitates outside Hongjoong's door. He can't hear any noise within, but there's no other place where Hongjoong would be. There's a lingering fear bubbling in Seonghwa's gut, not one that fears Hongjoong's anger, but one that is afraid to find Hongjoong alone and vulnerable. He brings his knuckles to the metal anyway, rapping them against the door harshly. He won't admit that part of him hopes that Hongjoong won't answer, and it'll save him from this confrontation because he already knows what Hongjoong will say if he opens the door.

"I'm so sorry, Hwa."

Seonghwa opens his eyes at the sound of the voice that's thick with emotion and a bit slurred in tone. He was right about what Hongjoong would say, but he didn't expect to find the man with flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. His balance sways from foot to foot, and Seonghwa doesn't have to look over at his desk to know that the captain has been drinking. He opts not to say anything about Hongjoong's state; instead, he presses a smile onto his lips and nods towards the room behind Hongjoong.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah... yeah, come in." Hongjoong waves his hand, spinning around too quickly and nearly toppling over, but Seonghwa grabs his shoulders before he can fall. "I-I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm f-fine."

Despite Hongjoong's insistence that he's fine, Seonghwa maintains his grip on the man until they're closer to his desk. He lets him go there, and Hongjoong slumps forward, hands finding the edge of the desk and gripping the wood tight.

"Are you okay, Joong?"

"Are you mad at me? You can be mad at me if you want. It's okay. I would be mad at me too. If I were you." Seonghwa can barely understand him through the slurs in his tone, but he manages to pick out each word.

"No, I'm not. You know I could never be mad at you." Seonghwa slips a smile onto his lips even though Hongjoong can't see it. He eyes the blue-haired man carefully. His hair clings to the back of his neck, sweat keeping it stuck there, and his skin is equally as red there as it is on his cheeks. Maybe three drinks? Two most likely, since Hongjoong never eats. Seonghwa's gaze flits down to the desk. A tall bottle of dark liquor sits atop it with no glass nearby, which means Hongjoong has just been slinging the alcohol back without a care in the world.

"Even if I ask you to?"

Seonghwa inhales sharply as Hongjoong whips around to face him. His gaze is narrowed and cold, but the effects of the alcohol make him seem less intimidating.

"You know that's the one order I can't follow." Again, he smiles. Hongjoong huffs at his response and faces the desk again. "You never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Are you okay, Hongjoong?" Seonghwa reaches a hand out to brush over Hongjoong's shoulder. That's the wrong move apparently, because Hongjoong flicks his touch away within a second, nose scrunching upwards.