Stay✅findhedfindhedbrong Rewritten

not again

"Oh baby I can't wait anymore, I need you so bad call me back as soon as you can"  was the message I heard when Jax checked his voice mail in the bathroom thinking he was alone.  I should have known one day one by one they would get tired of me and all my bullshit. I came back needy and nothing has changed no matter how tough i act.  
"who is she Jax" I asked walking in "please don't lie I don't want to fight I knew it would come to this again." 
"Catalina , how much did you hear"
"I heard the whole thing Jax. How long baby how long have you not wanted to be with me anymore?" 
"I still want to be with you......"
"but what Jax am I not enough for you anymore is it Ryan and Xavier? Cause i only got back with Xav because of you and Ryan well you kind of pushed me to him. " 
"No baby its them, i knew what was what when you came back."
"So its just me....Ok ... "
I got dressed and did my hair and makeup like nothing was wrong . He watched me the whole time. I didn't say not one word to him nor anyone else. 
I just walked out the door to head to my doctor's appointment for the new baby. It seem that all I am good for is having kids. I gave them 4 beautiful little girls. I have been there for them thick and thin. I never showed them really how I hurt almost everyday. I have always taken them back no matter how much they have hurt me.
I got to my appointment and was seen. Of course the baby is ok and healthy. I text Ryan

ME: The baby is healthy and is measuring a little bigger but the doctor said that was ok
RY: that's good baby , why didn't you tell me i would have went with you.
ME: Its ok i need some time alone right now. 
RY: Baby what's wrong
ME:Ask Jax

I called a realtor about a place big enough for me and my girls. She said she had a 4 bedroom open right now. I told her I would take it and would have the money to her in 45 minutes. I went to the bank and took the money out with no problem. I went to the realtor and gave her the money and got the keys. 
I then called my mamma and told her to start packing her and the girl's stuff because we were moving. 

I love the guys so much, but for the past 7 years I have given them everything in me . I need to do things on my own now. Xavier is back taking over the business, so I can just walk away Ry is helping him. I will still see him but I can't live with him. And Jax well he has already moved on. I stopped at a little diner on the way home and got something to eat. 
There was this very cute man sitting in the corner booth and I noticed he looked at me a couple of times. I smiled to myself because it has been a long time since I have had a new guy catches my eye. I knew it was just looks because as soon as I would stand up and he had seen my pregnant belly he would look the other way. I decided to stand up just to prove my own point.  I walked by him and went to the bathroom. On my way out I noticed he was gone. I knew I was right. 

I got home well to the guy's house and heard a lot of yelling and the sounds of things being broken. I run in and the house is a wreck. I see Xavier and I yell "Where are my girls at?" once they seen that was standing there it got quiet. "Once again Where are my babies at" I yelled again.  "Your mom took them and their things and went to Ryan's moms" Xavier said walking towards me.  "Is it true Catalina, Are you moving out?"  
"Yes Xavier I can't be here anymore." i felt the tears coming 
"Why baby why are you leaving us?"  
"I have been left for the last time. I can't handle not being good enough anymore. " Xavier looked at me confused. "I don't understand Cat no one is leaving you."
"That's a lie .... Jax left me " 

1 Year later 

"Momma Daddy Ryan is here " Sky yells from the kitchen.  he is the only one that comes by anymore. Xavier calls the girls every night. He had to move out of town about 4 months ago. the cops was watching him. We sold the house about 6 months ago before he left. We kind of still see each other when he either come in to town or I take the girl to see him.  As for Jaxson no one has heard from him in about 8 months. He came over and gave me some money for his girls and told them bye and disappeared.  Of course Ryan is here for my girls.  He lives with his momma down the road from us.  We never stopped seeing each other he understands the need for me to live alone with my momma and the girls.  I got a real job as am PA for the oil company here in town. My boss is a pretty cool guy. He is gay , his husband and I hang out a lot.  I don't seek any man"s attention besides Ryan's.  I got my tubes tied after I had Rayin. No more babies for this momma.

 Xavier told Ryan that he was gonna try to come and spend the weekend with us. I don't bust his balls to much about shit. He does everything he can when it comes to the girls.  I still can't believe our Sky is fixing to be a teenager.

"Hey Baby Rayin is still sleeping if you came to see her." I tell him as he walked in
"I have 5 other ladies that i need to see here also" he said pulling me into a hug.
"Hey what am I chop liver" My momma hissed coming out of the kitchen laughing giving Ryan a hug and kissing his cheek.  My momma loves Ryan they are always playing around. 
"Hey Catalina baby will you go out with me tonight? I wanna take you to that new club that opened last week, I already asked my mom to come over and help momma with the girls?"
"Now how can I say no to that..... "
"cool I gotta go do something at the shop and then I will be back around 7 to pick you up" he tells me kissing me and leaving. He opened a tattoo shop with a guy named Damien. Damien has a wife and 3 husbands and 15 kids. When I heard that I was amazed . I have met most of them. His son in law Dominic works at the shop with them. Dominic is married to Damien's daughter and 2 other men. It was kind of cool meeting another family like what our family was at one time.

I help my momma around the house with dinner and getting the girls in the bath before I start getting ready.  I walk  in my room and Sky follows me. "Mommy I miss Daddy Jax so much." That broke my heart. He was so close to her. In her eyes he hung the moon. She had to deal with Xavier walking out on her then her Daddy Jax left. She has been so strong though it all.  She hasn't really said anything about Jax in a while. 
Then she handed me her phone.

Daddy Jax:  Hey baby girl... how was school this week?
Sky: hi daddy school was ok i guess
Daddy Jax: awww I am sure it will get better... how are the girls doing?
Sky:  SENT A PICTURE
Daddy Jax: WOW  they are getting big... I miss you girls so much. I wanna meet your new sister 
Sky:  Daddy I want you to come home
Daddy Jax:  I wanna come home also... I love you princess I gotta go back to work I'll text you tomorrow 
Sky: I love you Daddy ttyl

"How long have you been talking to Daddy Sky " I asked her in shock. I have been trying to find him for the past 3 months and leave it to my 12 year old daughter to find him.
"about a week momma"
"Has he said where he is ?"
"No momma I have asked him but he never answers me." 

I sit down on the bed and memories flood my mind. No matter what I have and will always love my care bear.  Maybe I should have tried harder to keep my family together. Now my daughters live without their Daddy .