No Harm List | BTS Mafia AU

Just keep swimming

"You're avoiding something. I don't know if it's one of the guys, or yourself or what, but you only get like this when something's bothering you," Yoongi said, laying out all of Hoseok's feelings and vulnerabilities in front of his meal.

Hoseok's dimples flashed as he pouted and tried to force down his meal over the growing lump in his throat, but he struggled to quell the emotion in his chest.

Only you and Yoongi know him this well.

Know how to read the small tells that slip out when he tries to hide his feelings.

But Yoongi is Yoongi, and once things picked up for BTS, Hoseok assumed he had lost the ability to know when he was struggling. He felt like Yoongi was too busy to care.

After you walked out of his apartment, he's felt so lost and alone. He never thought someone would bother to read or check in on him again.

With a sigh, Hoseok finally gave in, "It's Y/N, we haven't talked in over two weeks. I'm worried she won't ever speak to me again now that she knows about..." Hoseok let his words trail off, and Yoongi leaned a little closer, pressing his knee against his friends in nonverbal understanding.

"I get it, but I also don't think she's mad at you...well," Yoongi hesitated, then stressed, "I don't think she'll be mad at you forever. She seems like she misses you too." he amended quietly, and it was true.

Yoongi sometimes spends the afternoon in the bakery for a change of scenery. He's heard the way your voice changes tone when you tell Jimin a story about Hoseok. Yoongi honestly felt a little jealous that he had no idea who you were, but the two were obviously important to each other.

"Maybe it's time you just reach out. Ya know, talk?" Yoongi suggested, taking another bite of food.

Hobi grinned at him, "Min Yoongi, did you just tell me to go talk about my feelings?" he asked teasingly. Yoongi grunted, waving a hand in dismissal.

"It's obvious you're both miserable, and you're both unbearably sappy. I'll suggest anything to stop seeing the two of you mope around and to get you out of my garage," he grumbled.

Hoseok smiled at him as he took another bite.

Yoongi waited until he finished his meal and busied himself with cleaning up before he finally asked, "Why didn't you ever tell me about her?"

Hoseok looked at his elder, surprised, a bit of his lunch nearly slipping out of his mouth. "Pardon?"

"Ella, you guys have history, how come I never heard about her?" he clarified.

"You don't need to know every person I spend time with," Hoseok started, but Yoongi shot him a look that argued otherwise. "If you did, you would already know," Hoseok challenged. Yoongi shrugged as he busied himself with wiping down his bowl,

"I don't want to pry in your personal life too much, you deserve space," Yoongi muttered.

Funny, because the only thing Hoseok ever wanted from Yoongi was a lack of space.

"Didn't realize you respected me that much," Hoseok said, a little surprised.

"You're one of the six people I'll ever trust in this lifetime," Suga pushed, a little hurt that Hoseok was so willingly blind to how much he cared about him.

J-Hope again worked to keep his face neutral. Of course, he was, they were the inner circle, the inner circle would be nothing if they didn't have trust. They could accomplish nothing. And in the end, that's what connected Suga and J-hope, BTS, their family, their brotherhood, nothing else. It seemed the only feelings they would ever share with each other was mutual respect.

"I didn't want her to know about BTS, and it was easier to draw that line if you guys didn't know about her either." J-Hope offered simply, poking at the last of his lunch with his fork.

Suga paused to look at him, and J-Hope could see the hesitation on his face as he asked, "How long have you two been together?"

He nearly spits out his food, "What? We're not-"

"Obviously not right now, but I think you'll work it out. You seem to be really good for each other,"

"Yoongi, she's my dead sister's best friend, she's my best friend. I could never- WE could never. There are no feelings", Hoseok said, scrambling to recover.

Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut and sighed, "Hobi, I know you want to keep this part of your life a secret. And I'm sorry BTS is taking that from you. But Jungkook has feeling for her, the dumb ass isn't even trying to hide it. If you guys have a history or a future, we need to shut it down before this little crush, ya know, crushes him."

Yoongi let his sentence fizzle off awkwardly as he heard the front door open then close. Immediately regretting starting such an emotional discussion in such a public part of the house.

Hoseok blinked, his mind had blanked after hearing Yoongi call him Hobi, the elder rarely used such endearing terms, but slowly the buzzing in his ears lifted, and he processed what he was saying.

Yoongi really doesn't care if he was single or not, the little bubble of hope that crawled up his chat popped before it could even surface.

He was worried about Jungkook. And the protege child's feelings.

Feelings he got after dragging Y/N into the dangerous world, Hoseok tried so hard to keep her from.

Hoseok balled his hands into fists.

"I don't have love for Ella beyond seeing her as a sister. I see her the same way I see Jungkook. I care about her safety and feelings, too." Hoseok growled as all his emotion surfaced, it was too much at once. Yoongi blanched as he saw the mountain he unearthed.

"And so what if Jungkook gets feelings for her, maybe we should tell him he doesn't need to fall in love with the first girl he has a conversation with. Maybe we shouldn't get her fired from her old job, and get her a new job so she can be more a part of his daily life. Maybe we should teach him he can't get everything he wants. Have you ever considered that perhaps she'll reject him even if I'm not an obstacle? "

"Hoseok-" Yoongi started quietly.

"Don't," Hoseok hated how he felt the knot form in his throat, hated how he could feel the emotions getting the best of him.

You hated him.

Yoogi was indifferent to him.

Hell, he couldn't stand himself right now.

And yet, Jungkook was coming out on top overall of the mess he made. And Hoseok couldn't even bring himself to resent the boy too much. He loved his little brother and wanted the best for him. He just hated that the best was everything he wanted.

But that didn't keep the fire out of his words.

"I did everything I could to protect her. I lied to you and Namjoon and Jin. She doesn't deserve to be a part of this, Suga, she's too good for any of us. I don't want him to have her. I don't deserve to have her,"

"J-Hope," Suga hissed, cutting him off as a tear rolled down the younger's cheek. Hoseok watched Yoogi's eyes soften in what could have been concern if they weren't also wide with panic as they flicked between him and the door.

"Hyung?" Jungkook's voice asked softly.

Hoseok felt his body go cold as he turned and saw Jungkook standing in the doorway, looking like he'd been hit.

"Jungkookie,"

A/n: yikes!!! I don't think jk was meant to over hear that.

Thank you to everyone so much for reading please vote and comment on bits that you enjoyed!!! Next chapter we will get to see a bit more of V I'm so excited for y'all to see a bit more of his and Ella's dynamic!!!