Jizzie | Hand on Heart

Chapter 31 | Stumbling?

*play the song above through the chapter from now to the end*

I throw my bags down on the floor of the new motel, staring around at it.

The walls are bare, stripped, raw.

Each mark telling a story.

What's my story?

I want to be able to tell one, with an ending.

The ending I need.

I have yet to find.

I groan, spinning around to sit on the floor, back to the bed.

Jessie comes in after me, "I'm having déjà vu from before the hospital escapade."

I smile wanly, "I'm going insane."

"Well I don't blame you." Jessie starts fiddling with the remote, flicking through the channels.

Lilo and stitch pops up on the screen and I beam.

We watch the movie in silence, not taking so long as it was already half way through when we clicked on it.

It finishes and my period of bliss ends, the gravity of what was happening settling again.

"We need to get out of here." Jessie says, vegan bing my hand and pulling me up.

I allow her to pull me, settling into the car.

We drive for a while, my forehead pressed against the window as the rain beat down on the glass, creating a melody of sadness to accompany my demeanour.

"STOP!" I yell.

Jessie slams her foot down on the pedal in shock, the car screeching to a halt.

My hands struggle to grip the handle as I fling open the door.

I stumble out, splashing my way onto the sidewalk.

I slip and fall into a puddle, my stomach smashing onto a rock.

Gripping the soon to form bruised area, I force myself up.

The fog is thick and dark sky make it impossible to see, the rain drowning me as I try to walk further.

I can hear Jessie calling out behind me, her voice being swept away by the heavy winds.

The pavements fades into grass, and then mud, my feet sinking and getting stuck.

Tears are streaming down my face as I struggle further to walk, not knowing what's come over me anymore.

No trees can shelter me from the harsh rain, nor stop my bleeding heart.

"DAD." I scream at the top of my lungs, and again, and again until my lungs hurt.

"CHARLOTTE." I yell again, the tears rivalling the rain.

"Don't leave me" I sob, "DON'T LEAVE ME."

I fall to the ground, my face landing in the mud, clothes muddied and sodden.

I lay there, in the middle of no where, crying through the pain.

I hear footsteps behind me, but can't bare to move.

"Hello?"

The voice is unrecognisable to me, so I ignore it, sobbing only harder.

"Jesus!" I feel the rain let up, "you'll catch a cold!"

I slowly turn my head, seeing a stranger holding their jacket over me, the moon shimmering behind me.

"T-thank you." I stutter, the cold taking hold of my body.

I sit up, finally aware of how ridiculous I must look.

A crying girl in a foreign country, sobbing in the mud and rain.

Not a pretty sight.

"Here." The stranger extends their hand, and I take it, standing awkwardly.

"Are you okay?"

"I-" my voice breaks as I break into sobs again, "I couldn't do it."

Against my better judgement, I wrap my arms around the stranger, not caring about anything, just wanting to feel safe.

"Couldn't do what?" They ask cautiously.

"I couldn't save them. I couldn't fix it. And now, I still can't. It's too hard, I can't do it anymore." My voice comes out emotionless.

"Sometimes, the right path is not the easiest one, you'll know what to do, when the time is right. It's in your heart."

I look up at them, pulling away.

"Who are you?" I ask cautiously, suddenly aware that I threw myself at a complete stranger.

They laugh, voice dry, "someone who's felt that pain."

They reach over and wipe a tear off my cheek.

I can finally make out their face.

He smiles at me, "the past can hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it, and then you'll see the future."

"Am I a fortune teller now?" I laugh through the tears.

"No, just human." He nods his head, a saddened look on his face.

"Keep moving forwards, open new doors, and you'll find what you need to know."

"What's your name?" I ask.

"We all have limitations, we all make mistakes, and the more we understand each other, the better we will be, but we have to try, to make the world a better place."

"What's your name?" I repeat.

They smile again, shaking his head slightly and turning away.

I'm too cold to move, to cold to follow, and watch their retreating form.

"Hey!" I call out.

He turns around, "be kind to yourself." And then he's gone.

I blink twice, trying to figure out what just happened, realising that his jacket was still wrapped around my shoulders.

I still have more questions, more things I have to say.

Still so many emotions welling up in my heart.

Yet his words spoke to me, I knew what I had to do.

The road before me is clearer now in my mind.

Jessie runs up to me, her face stricken with worry, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"Lizzie oh my god are you okay I was so worried I thought you'd been hurt and..."

Her voice fades out from my mind, as I make a promise to myself.

Run from it, or, learn from it.

Open new doors.

The more we understand.

The right path, isn't always the easiest.

Be kind to yourself.

In all the fog one thing is clear to me, I need to stop running from my problems.

I need to face my fear.

I need to move on to be happy.

I need to find answers so I can move on.

I need, to visit her.