Chasing Gold

37| hope

I nod. "If she fights it, do you think she'll be able to come back from it? Will she have the chance to live a normal life?"

"Every case is different, if she ever wakes up we don't know for certain if she will be able to remember anything or if she will be able to walk again. Her spine also took a hit and the tests show partial nerve damage as well." What would be better for her then? To not fight at all? "I know this all hard to hear, but the best you can do in this case is to have hope. Hope that if she wakes up, she'll be alright."

With that, the doctor walked out of the room and I walked back over to the chair. Connery texted me that he was on his way to pick me up and I replied to him with a simple okay. Ever since Olivia called me, Connery and I rushed to the hospital. I've been glued to this chair for the past three days. Connery wanted me to go home and rest but I kindly declined every time. The only reason why he's coming over to pick me up is that today is the final meet of the regular season in a couple of hours. I desperately needed a good shower and food if I was ever going to have a chance of doing good in today's meet.

The pressure for today is insane, as it has been for all of the meets of this season. Having a perfect season comes with its downsides too. All the eyes are on us, any mistake will be pointed out and not in a good way. Coach is counting on all of us tonight and if I was being honest I wasn't sure if I could be there and give it my all when my head is in this hospital room with Macy.

"Hey Everest," Olivia smiles as she walks into the room. "How are you doing? Jared told me you haven't left that chair for the past three days."

"Hey Olivia," I half-smile. "Honestly, I'm barely hanging in there, but there are people that have it worst than me. And saying that I'm barely hanging in there because I have been sitting in this chair for the past three days doesn't sit right with me."

"I'm positive that the reason why you're barely hanging in there isn't that you've been sitting in a chair these past few days, but it has everything to do with the person that's laying the bed in front of you," Olivia says as she takes a glance at Macy. "It's not your fault Everest."

"But why does it feel like it is?" I ask her. "I saw it in her eyes, she wasn't okay, why didn't I stop her to ask? Are you okay? Three simple words Olivia, three."

"Don't do that," Olivia says. "You couldn't have seen it coming, none of us did Everest. I deal with these types of cases almost every day and I didn't even see it. If there's something that I've learned in all my twenty years on the job is that you can't blame yourself. You have to let go of that illusion that it could've been any different. Even if you had stopped and asked, what guarantees you that she still wouldn't be here?"

"Nothing," I reply. "But I guess I just blame myself for not trying hard enough."

"I understand Ev, you're the kindest person I have ever come across. And you have the biggest heart, you care, sometimes a little too much. But you have to stop doing that to yourself, the blaming I mean. You absorb everyone else's pain and you carry it with you. Like a secret, you can't discard. You lay down your life for everyone, whether you've known them for years or not, but who is there to pick you up?" 

"No one," I reply. "I never give them the chance to, I never show it. When I'm breaking, I keep everything for myself. I never let anyone pick up the pieces with me."

"You have to start letting people in, not halfway through," Olivia says. "There's nothing wrong with laying down your life for other people, but the thing is that you have to allow yourself to let others be there for you. Because even the strongest souls aren't unbreakable."

Just as I was going to continue my conversation with Olivia my phone started to ring. Connery. "Go, I promise to stay here with her until you come back," Olivia says. "She's safe here, he can't touch her, I won't let that happen."