how it feels to be alive {tom riddle}

twenty-seven: comfort

"I understand, you can stay here as long as you need." Mel told her, giving a warm smile.

"Are you sure? I go back to school on Monday so it would only be tonight and tomorrow night." She assured, already feeling guilty for waking Mel up at God knows what time in the night.

"Don't be ridiculous, you know you're always welcome here." Mel brushed off her assurance, "Have a shower and let's get some sleep. You must be exhausted."

"Thanks so much Mel, I don't know what I'd do without you." Lucia said thankfully, getting up to follow Mel to her bathroom.

"Oh don't get all sappy on me," Mel chuckled, turning the shower on for Lucia and pushing a towel into her arms. "I'll put a hoodie and some sweatpants outside the door for you." After leaving the room, Mel closed the door behind her. Lucia sighed and began to peel off her clothing, letting it fall to the ground before her.

When she stepped under the water, she breathed a sigh of relief. The hot water washed away the sweat and tears from the night, the glitter running down the drain in a swirl that resembled the milky way.

After a struggle with motivation, she worked up the energy to wash her hair and the makeup off her face. She stepped out into the steamy room, and grabbed the soft towel to wrap around herself.

She looked in the mirror, met with her own sunken dark eyes and pale, lifeless expression. Quickly she averted her gaze, the sight of herself enhancing the sick feeling in her stomach.

Lucia pulled on clothes Mel had left at the door, relieved at the feeling of the softness against her skin, a harsh contrast to the tight clothing she wore before.

She walked out of the bathroom to see Mel still on the couch, flicking through the channels of the television mounted on the wall.

"Any better?" She smiled softly at Lucia.

Lucia just shrugged, "I probably smell better now." Usually this would have been laced with humour, but it sounded rather dry.

Mel rolled her eyes, "Let's get some sleep." She flicked off the TV and Lucia followed her to the bedroom.

The duvet was a navy blue colour, and Lucia chuckled at the similarity to the dorm room she'd be in just a couple of days.

She slipped under the sheets, and Mel flicked off the light, coming to lie next to her.

It was quiet aside from the hum of traffic below, which only made Lucia's thoughts louder.

"Do you think you'll forgive him?" Mel broke the silence.

"I... can't." Lucia sighed, "I really want to, but I just can't."

"I understand." Mel answered.

"It just hurts. I've never felt that way about someone before." Lucia spoke quietly.

"Do you love him?" Mel asked carefully.

"I don't know... but I really care about him. He made me feel whole again." Lucia admitted. Her feelings for Tom were strong, in a way she felt like they consumed her.

Every other relationship she'd had was built entirely on a physical basis. She'd never truly cared about someone like this, wanted to trace her fingers across every surface of their skin just in case it was the last time she'd feel it. She wanted to hear his thoughts, feelings, beliefs... to have deep discussions and see the look of concentration envelope his features.

But that had been built on lies and betrayal.

He hadn't told her this absolutely crucial and deal-breaking detail about himself on purpose.

And now they couldn't be together.

Her mind returned to that day when he'd been so anxious and tense he could hardly function. The feeling of his soft skin below her fingertips, his soft breathing as he lay on her lap, his apprehensive gasps from her lips around...

She couldn't let herself think about it.

He wasn't who she thought he was.

And she couldn't let herself even think about forgiving him for that.

"The light returned to your eyes when you met him," Mel spoke gently, "You'd been so dark for so long, pushing everyone who tried to help you away. I'm not going to ask you to explain what he did, nor am I going to tell you to get back with him, because I don't know the true extent of the damage. But I really don't want to see you go back to the place. I can see you drifting away already, and I was just starting to think we'd gotten that kind, smart, funny and charismatic girl I became friends with back. I don't want to lose you again."

"I don't know how else to handle my emotions Mel. Fuck, if I hadn't come here I probably would have been passed out in a bush somewhere." Lucia felt as though she might cry again, "It just hurts so much Mel."

"I know baby, I know." Mel said sadly, pulling Lucia into her and brushing her wet hair from her face, "Don't fence yourself off, I'm here for you, I care about you and I want to help you get through this."

Lucia felt tears fall again, "I'm just so fucking stupid." She sobbed.

"Don't you dare say that. You're the smartest girl I know." Mel assured, "Don't push me away. It will only make things worse."

Lucia took a couple of deep breaths, pulling back to lie on her own pillow again.

"I'm so sorry for bothering you with my shit again, I don't have anywhere else to go." Lucia said after a few moments of silence.

"If you say that one more time I might actually kick you to the curb." Mel laughed, shaking her head in the dim moonlight, "Now we really need to sleep, I have to work tomorrow." She paused, "And if you even think about apologising again, I'll smother you with that pillow."

Lucia let a small laugh pass her lips and closed her eyes.

"Goodnight." She said softly, and surprisingly sleep welcomed her in no time at all.

author's note

sorry this is depressing, it will get better.

thank you so much for all the love, will update soon <3