Everybody Wants to Rule the World

59

Trigger Warning(s): suicidal thoughts, auditory hallucinations

Fear of the Water by SYML

~ Jimin's Point of View ~

24:53, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2028 (5 DAYS LATER). SUNCHEON HOSPITAL, SOUTH JEOLLA PROVINCE, SOUTH KOREA.

I was staring at a white wall, but all I could see was her face. Contorted, twisted into an expression of excruciating pain. The tears senselessly dripped from her eyes, staining her reddening cheeks. The voices were all talking over one another, but it was her echoing scream that made me feel like my brain was splitting in two. It was the normal amount of pain, the usual sharp pangs that made it difficult for me to see, hear, or focus. But the fact that it was her voice made it all the more unbearable.

"Mr. Park?" I didn't realize the nurse was approaching until she tapped my shoulder, causing me to jerk so violently that she nearly fell backward. "I-I'm sorry to startle you, sir."

"Is she alright? She'll... she'll be okay, right? You've left me waiting for so long because the surgery went well, yeah? No complications?"

Her lips pressing firmly together gave me the answer I needed, and suddenly, my knees weren't enough to hold me up. I collapsed against the wall, pressing my forehead against the cold structure for some semblance of reality. This... this couldn't be real. I couldn't have shot a bullet that was ending Emira's life. That wasn't me. This was another hallucination.

It's not a hallucination.

She's going to die because of you.

She loved you.

And you killed her.

I wanted to refute it, to scream at them that they were wrong, but I had a horrible feeling this was reality. My fingernails dug into my arm so hard that they drew blood, my hands shaking, always shaking. I knew I was in a room surrounded by people – people who had no idea that I had almost stolen their freedom – but I couldn't bring myself to care when my eyes began to burn.

I hated how innocent tears felt – they tickled my cheeks as they fell, a mockery of my pain.

"Miss Nguyen... she is not in good condition. We suspect there may be some underlying health issues causing her to remain in a coma for as long as she has. Luckily, we managed to remove the appendix, and we are currently treating the peritonitis caused by the perforation."

"It's my fault."

"Pardon?"

I spoke louder. "It's my fault. I shot her. I f*cking shot her. I was so... so deep in my head, my anger. She was trying to help me, see. She researched schizophrenia, probably got nightmares for days, knowing what I see. All so she could understand me. She loved me." I gasped for breath, my chest tightening and my throat constricting. "I loved her."

"Sir, her vitals are still stable. It's too early to determine whether her state will deteriorate or–"

"Then why isn't she waking up?"

"A number of factors may have led to her comatose state–"

"Me. It's all me."

"...would you like to speak with someone?"

"What, like a therapy session?"

"We have on-site professionals to help you work through any sadness or regret."