Diary of an Introvert 2

15: Is it possible to worry for someone you hate?

My heart skipped a little as he held my hand.

"So please don't cry." He continued. "At least, not in front of me." 

I wanted to pull my hand from his but I don't know why I didn't. I waited for him to let go but he didn't not until the program ended.

"How were you able to play guitar with these cute fingers, Cee?" He suddenly said, examining the tips of my fingers. 

I pulled my hand away. Finally. "'Yan din ang tanong ko." I awkwardly smiled. "W-well, tapos na ang program. Tayo na?"

"Bakit namumula ka?"

"Ha?" I automatically covered my cheeks.

He laughed at me. "Don't tell me that it's your first time to hold a man's hand?"

"Siyempre hindi noh. Ha."  

"Haha. Crush mo ko noh?"

I smiled. "Hindi." 

He smiled too. "Liar." 

"And what made you think na may gusto ako sayo ha?" 

He held out his hand. "This. You wouldn't let me hold your hand ng ganun katagal kung wala kang gusto sakin."

"Ha. Hoy, just to let you know, marami akong kaibigang lalaki so I'm okay with it. At kung holding hands lang naman ang pinag-uusapan natin, bakit mo hinawakan ang kamay ko? Siguro ikaw tong may gusto sakin noh?" 

"Hm?" He paused and looked up for a while. As if the answers were in the air. "Hm, well. Kung sabihin kong gusto kita, will it change the way you treat me?" 

"It might."

"Oh? So my answer is no. Wala akong gusto sayo, okay?"

"Okay." I said and smiled. "Good. Tayo na?"

"Sure."

As we went out the hospital, someone passed by in front of us. It's Jay. He was wearing a doctors coat with stethoscope on his shoulders. My eyes followed him.

He sat on an empty bench in the garden, took off his eyeglasses and covered his eyes. He looked really tired. Nakakain na kaya siya? I thought. Wait, nag-aalala ba ako sa kanya?

"Hoy. Kilala mo yun?" Oliver asked.

"Ah--ah, oo. Kapitbahay ko."

"Hmm, okay." 

I remembered the chocolate bread in my bag. "Oliver, sandali lang ha."

Not waiting for his reply, I went towards Jay.

Heck. I don't even know what to say.

"Ah, ehem!" 

He put on his glasses again and looked at me. It took a while for him to recognized it was me. "Oh! Cee, ikaw pala. Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"Ah, nanood lang ako ng presentation ni Yukie."

He smiled. "Ganoon ba? Hmm, so, pauwi ka na?"

"Ah...yeah."

"That's good. Mag-ingat ka, okay?"

"Okay. By the way," I took the chocolate bread out from my bag and handed it to him. "Nabili ko to kanina, hindi ko na nakain so sayang lang kung itatapon ko. Gusto mo?"

He took it and smiled at me. "Salamat." 

Here goes his smile again. It's really bad for my heart.

"Please don't get me wrong, okay? Ibinibigay ko to sayo dahil sayang lang kung---"

He chuckled. "I know, Cee. Gaya ng sabi ko sayo dati, you can take your time. Don't worry."

I smiled, yes, I smiled at him. "Okay. Sige, alis na ako. Mukhang busy ka eh."

"Haha. Obvious bang hindi pa ako nakakauwi ng bahay? Hay. Okay. Mag-ingat ka." 

So, hindi pa pala siya nakakauwi sa kanila? I just nodded and went away. Hay, bakit ba kapag siya ang kaharap ko, hindi ko alam yung sasabihin? Ewan. 

"Why did you give him the chocolate bread?" Oliver asked.

"Ayaw mo kanina diba? Sayang lang kaya binigay ko na sa kanya."

"I didn't know you care so much for your neighbor."

"Correction. Mas may pakialam ako sa tinapay, okay? Tayo na nga."

"Okay. Sabi mo eh." 

We went home.