Diary of an Introvert 2

11: Accept. Grieve. Try Again.

Throwback to when we met at the park.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Please stay away from me." 

He sighed and gave me a serious look.

"You can ask me to do anything, Cee. Anything but that." He said and checked his watch. "It's getting late. Let's go?" 

"Hindi mo ako kailangan samahan pauwi." 

"Cee. Alam kong hindi ka komportable na kasama ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit. But one thing's for sure, I won't let you walk home alone, okay?"

I started walking without giving him an answer. I plugged my earphones and listened to some songs to divert my attention from this awkward atmosphere.

I continued walking in deep thoughts.

I wanted him to go away because he's reminding me of Calvin. I don't want him near me because I'm afraid that this heart of mine, which recently learned how to accept reality, might lean on him, hoping that he'll fill this emptiness within me. I'm still in the state of grieving and I'm not yet ready to try again.

A hand grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the passing car. He stood in front of me and took the earphones off my ears. What's he doing?

"I suggest that you look at where you're walking, Cee. Muntikan ka ng masagasaan." 

He paused, maybe waiting for me to say something but unfortunately, my heart was beating so fast that I can't say a word. 

"Okay ka lang?" He asked.

"Di ba dapat tinanong mo muna ako niyan bago ako sinermonan?" I didn't mean to sound annoyed but I guess that's what I did.

He just laughed and placed his hand on my head. "Tama ka nga. Sorry about that." 

"At bakit parang masaya ka pa?" I asked as we continue walking.

"Hm? Nothing. Naalala ko lang dati na takot kang tumawid sa kalsada dahil parati ka nalang muntikang masagasaan. At dahil sa sobrang kaba, nagagalit ka. Just like this. Do you remember those times?"

"Sorry but I don't really remember you nor the things we did together."

"It's okay. Masakit pero ayos lang." He paused and took a deep breath. "Given a chance, Cee. Will you try to get to know me? Again?"

I stopped walking. I don't know how to react to what he said so I ended up staring at him.

He smiled. "I'm not forcing you, though. Take your time." 

His smile. I don't know why it's a little bit comforting.

We continued walking without talking to each other. As we reached the gate of my house, he said good bye.

Few hours had passed, as I was preparing to sleep, I received a message in  instagram.

From _drjaylee: If you can't sleep well tonight, listen to this song. Good night.

I clicked the link.