Purpose: A Kylo Ren Tale

One

I'm levitating.

Sitting position, legs bent and crossed, spine straight, palms resting on my knees. Grey fabric wraps around my body and hangs down towards the grass. Thin layers of chiffon graze the vegetation below, as I'm silently suspended above.

The Force flows through me.

My eyes are closed, but I see clearly: balance.

(The sunlight on my skin —
the shadows beneath the trees.

The sound of the brook —
the smell of the dirt.

New life and first steps —
a decaying log and damp death.

Two suns rising in the morning —
three moons replacing them in the evening.

The light — the dark.
The balance.)

The Force flows through me.

I concentrate on each of these small balances, feel the weight on each side of the scales, and then let them pass out of my conscious thought. I inhale. I exhale. I empty my mind.

I am blank.

I am weightless.

I am casting all thoughts aside, leaving my mind open. Letting whatever comes, come. I seek guidance in The Force. I reach a peaceful place, a quiet place in my mind. I sit in the emptiness. I wait. And I wait.

And-

Nothing.

"Fuck this," I say with an eye roll as I drop back to reality.

My toes meet the ground gently. Bare feet sink into the soft grass, it feels comforting. But it does little to calm my anger in this moment. The peaceful aura of meditation is receding now, and with each ebb comes a new flow of disappointment.

I'm beyond annoyed.

I've been meditating for months. Years. I've done every type of mind clearing exercise I can think of. At one point I even asked a woman from a faraway world to read my palm, as if the creases and valleys of my small hand would whisper back larger truths.

But no. Nothing has worked.

I am lost.

Not physically. I know exactly where I am. I've been traveling for years and this is my favorite planet so far. Snow capped mountains with lush green forests, winding rivers, and a small population of locals.

I'm not physically lost, but rather...

Lost.

Always searching.

Trying to find the end of the string that tugs inside my mind. It wasn't always there. I used to roam the universe, alone in my own head. But then one day... it appeared. A dull feeling in the back of my mind. Quietly asking me to reach out. And so I did. Curiosity will always get the best of me.

I had been alone for so long and this finally felt like a connection of some sort - as if someone was passing me a secret note to read beneath my covers late at night.

I thought it was The Force calling to me. I thought it was leading me towards my fate, whatever my true purpose was. Something bigger than living alone in the woods.

I have been here over a year, longer than any other stop along the stars. I never stayed anywhere for too long. I pulled on the thread in my mind and followed it across the universe, hoping someday I'd reach the end. But instead, I'm left feeling like I'm the one who has unraveled.

At this point I give up.

The Force flows through me, yes. I have powers that I channel through The Force, yes. But it seems like there's nothing more than that. The tug I felt in my subconscious was apparently just wanderlust of the standard variety. No greater path, no cinematic fate. Just a woman (who can read minds, make objects float, and con the weak minded) traveling alone in the galaxy.

No greater purpose.

I'm alone. And resigned.

But just as I'm about to collect my bag from the tree behind my meditation clearing, I feel it. I feel it before I see it or hear it.

A First Order ship is landing in the field east of the pine forest.

No, that's not what I felt.

I mean yes, I sensed the humming motor of the ship and the winds changing course across the tips of the wheat stalks and the low rumble of hooves as the deer found safer ground. But there was something else... someone else.

I could feel their presence stronger than any other being I had met across the galaxy. It was more than just a presence it was... a signature. It rolled onto me and crashed into my mind like the never ending waves of a swell. And it was electric. Crackling and raw. Volatile. But also strong and steady. Confident.

I gather my things, and walk towards the field. My bare feet make slow and unwavering steps through the moss and pine needles. My hair is pulled up in a loose bun, and the cool mountain breeze makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up even higher.

What am I walking towards?
Who am I walking towards?

Is this The Force finally answering my call?

After twenty three years of solitary life, two decades of trying to understand my abilities, and countless days spent begging a higher power for clarity. And here it is. The clearest sign of all.

I stand on the edge of the forest, gray robes gently flowing in the wind, skin scalding hot under the surface but freezing to the touch. A chill runs down my spine but I know it isn't because of the mountain.

It is because of the man.

The man exiting his TIE fighter of some sort, one like I had never seen before. His feet hit the planetary surface and I watch him turn my direction. Black clothing, armor, and an intriguing mask. Broad shoulders, long legs, and a commanding gait.

Curiosity will always get the best of me.

I step into the open.