Sort of Deadly

32 - One Mouth, Two Mouths, Three . . .

'Follow me.'

It's so fugging nostalgic to hear him say that. I remember when he said that first after our deal, how we were all reluctant, but Marra went after him without a second thought, and Es kept saying how she didn't wike him, and ahhhhh I'm going to be safe now. Ponytail Man's got nothing on Rasthrum.

Take that, you plum-drugging farmer.

Everything is literally a blur as Rasthrum dashes and pulls me behind him, and I'm not one to use the word 'literally' lightly.

(Seriously hate it when people say 'I literally just died!' or something like that. Marra is extremely guilty of this . . . especially since until last year, he really could die anytime and it wouldn't matter much.)

Eventually Rasthrum's grip around my wrist gives away, leaving the shadowy impression of a band on it. Head spinning, I look around. We're again in a kind of alley, I guess? But there's a brick wall up ahead. Dead end.

Just then I hear footsteps coming, faster than ever.

'He's coming!' I whisper.

Rasthrum seems not to hear me. He walks over to the brick wall. And licks it.

'Ew, there are like a billion germs on that thing! And why are you stalling, do you have a - a weapon or something? How are you even here? How'd you find me? Why aren't you saying anything, you son of a witch?'

He convulses as a reply.

'A-are you okay?'

He turns to face me. He looks like he's made out of porcelain, despite his Freddy Krueger face and all. He has layers and layers of clothing on, like an onion.

Behind me, the footsteps click rapidly.

'Gosh, speak up, you - you thickheaded warlock spawn. This is like one my nightmares! Think! Get us out of - '

His laughter cuts me off. It's loud and mocking, and it sends a tingle down my spine.

'Are you sure you're fine?' I ask.

'Your nightmares?' he rasps. His voice is like fork screeching against a plate. 'They have only just begun . . . you whiny little thing.'

Rasthrum melts. Like an igloo under the sun.

His skin and his strange, silken robes start liquefying. His eyeballs fall out, so do his claw-nails. Everything else just, like, becomes wax.

I stand there staring with my mouth dropped on the cobblestones as liquid-Rasthrum kind of just accumulates himself into a giant, skin-colored blob not unlike the one that started burping out the window.

At the same time, Ponytail Man shows up behind me. So now I'm trapped between a man who wants to sell me to a villain and a friend-smoothie.

To my astonishment, Ponytail Man bows to me.

No, wait, not to me. To the one behind me. But behind me is . . . I whirl again, and liquid Rasthrum is collecting himself. All the gooey stuff comes together, twitching like ants do when they're not fully dead but on the way.

'What the - '

You know how in the Transformers movies, those cars and trucks and whatnot turn into really really cool robots? (Aar does a killer Optimus Prime impersonation, by the way, but this is absolutely not the time to dwell on that.)

Yeah, you know. I mean, if a nerd like me knows, then you must. Otherwise . . . good going, pal. Proud of you.

Sacred cell organelles! The point is, in those movies the transformation is awesome. But right here in front of me, whatever is happening, is pretty much the opposite of awesome.

Eventually instead of Rasthrum's liquefied wax blob, there's a many-mouthed creature with praying mantis features standing in front of me. Put it this way: calling this monster gross would be an oversimplification.

Doesn't even frighten me so much as shock me, really. After all that I've seen . . . sure, this might as well happen.

[Pause to cope with what's happening.]

[Pause to cope with the failure of being unable to cope.]

I fold my arms in front of me. 'Do what you what you have to, mate. You do a killer Rasthrum impression, that's for sure. Aar would be proud.'

The many-mouthed creature isn't amused. He slithers towards me like a friggin' tarantula and I am instantly enveloped in a black blanket of gooey roughness.

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

No need to thank me. All I did was write two updates for you guys at 3 am in the morning.....not that I'm complaining.

Seriously, I'm not. I love you <3